Work Husband and Work Wife

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Kris’ Take: I used to watch these sitcom television shows where people would talk about work husbands and work wives. I thought this was completely fake until I heard some people at my job talking about it. If you don’t know, a work husband or work wife is pretty much the title one receives when they spend too much time at work with someone of the opposite sex. So, Joe is married and he spends ten hours a day at work pouring over a project. He also has a partner that helps him named Jane. Jane and Joe know everything about each other because they spend 10 hours a day together. They’re very friendly and Joe feels more confident confiding in Jane then he does his own wife. Once he gets home, he has some dinner and heads off to bed with barely a word to his wife, just some generic conversation “how was your day?” “Fine, how was yours?” This would most definitely be considered a work husband/wife scenario. This kind of relationship is fine if you’re single, but from my viewpoint, completely inexcusable if you’re married.

I know that you’re bound to forge relationships when you work, but when it starts destroying your true relationships, then it’s time to draw some lines. How can this be done? Stop sharing every little thing with the person at work; Plain and simple. This person doesn’t need to know about your marriage problems. If you have marriage problems that need to be talked out, then bring it to your wife, or a marriage counselor. By talking about marriage problems with another woman, you’re pretty much yelling “I’m unhappy, do you want to make me feel better?” And I’m sure sometimes this is the person’s underlying intentions without even realizing it.

If possible, change project partners. If you’re able to get a man instead of a woman, or vice versa, then do it. Why tempt yourself? In this world of political correctness, segregation is so highly spoken against. “Women can do what men can do.” That’s correct, and I believe it to be completely true, but that doesn’t change the fact that by working with each other you can create a temptation. I’m not blaming women for this, I’m just saying this happens normally without anyone really noticing. Think about how you met your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend. If it started out as a friendship, then it was probably pretty platonic in the beginning. And that changed after spending time together. People think that merely controlling your “sexual tension” is enough; No, it’s not, there shouldn’t be sexual tension at work. It’s work. The only sexual tension that should be controlled is the tension that you have for your husband or wife because you’ve been apart for 8 – 10 hours. If you have any other kind of tension, you need to request a new partner or team, and you need to let your husband or wife know so you can fix it before it becomes a real problem.

Infidelity runs rampant through relationships, and it is so terribly sad to see. These people that pledge to love each other for sicknesss or health, richer or poorer, and yet our divorce rate is 50%! 1 out of every 2 marriages fail in America, and every one of those marriages took the same pledge. There’s no reason except for people’s selfish ways. It may sound extreme what I suggest, but no job is worth a marriage. When you take that oath, you better be willing to live under a bridge and stay faithful rather than have a billion dollars and fail them.

Laura’s Take: I’m not too familiar with these terms, but I definitely agree with you, Kris, that people shouldn’t put themselves in such compromising positions with coworkers. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if my husband was closer to someone else at work than with me. If you can’t completely keep the promises you’ve made to your husband or wife, then you should seriously think about what you’re doing to your life.

Kris’ Take:  Don’t worry honey, you’ll never have to hear these words from my mouth.

12 Responses to “Work Husband and Work Wife”

  1. Cyberevolution Says:

    I think this all depends on the job you do as well and where in the world you live, as contracted minimum working hours do vary from place to place? Though I have to agree I have notice an upturn in the expectations placed on employees over the last ten years, what with all the down-sizing that has happened in many sectors (particularly IT) – the job you do today was the job of three or four people way back when! This change in roles has had it’s effect on the home life for sure….and is a large chunk of what I attribute to my current singleness….that and the fact I’m just too ‘nice’ to attract the opposite sex…meh oh well =P

  2. Work Husband and Work Wife Pt. 2 « HotTamales! - Love Stories, Tips and Advice Says:

    [...] Posts Valentine’s Day TipsWork Husband and Work WifeLove Isn’t BlindSweet SurprisesWork Husband and Work Wife Pt. 2Men want to be treated like men [...]

  3. nancy Says:

    work in a small family professional business where the husband & wife work together & i know that the husband is having an affair with one employee & what is sad is that the wife seems clueless , she jokes with the mistress like they are friends!, when the couple are together ,the mistress often joins in & jokes with them , god its so sad that the couple have a family with small kids & its true the guy stays at work till late everyday , i would guess the wife is dumb because she does not even suspect ,its sad.

  4. WorkWife Says:

    I’m a work wife. Unless you’ve actually been in one of these relationships, it may be hard to understand. Its not that my work husband loves his wife and family any less, he doens’t. He’s an extremely devoted family man, who unfortunately, works long hours so he can afford for his wife to stay at home and raise his 2 kids.

    He and I became friends while his department supported mine, and a friendship developed over common ground. We knew what the other was going through, the work politics, and all the other work stuff that stressed us out on a daily basis that unfortunately, were he to go home and spill it all out to his wife, she wouldn’t understand, and probably wouldn’t care less.

    In a way, its good that he gets it all out with me, because when he goes home, his family is his focus. Sure, on occasion we both complain about relationships, and vent our frustrations in a “Why do men/women do that?!” kind of way, and there are occasional text messages as in “travel channel- japan special” because we know where the other dreams of going.

    But in the grand scheme of things, this is harmless. Really.

  5. notdownwithit Says:

    I don’t agree that it’s harmless. My husband’s work wife wants more from him. She’s not that attractive and I am, but their emotional closeness drew us apart. He defended her…ALWAYS. She was / is a bitch to me. He says I’m over-reacting. It’s not enough that he isn’t attracted to her. He shares his soul with her and has nothing left for me except for sex.

  6. lighten up Says:

    I agree with WorkWife 100%.

    I’ve always had healthy friendships with men, and it doesn’t threaten my marriage. My husband is completely aware of my “work husband”. They’ve met each other and seem to like each other just fine. Unfortunately, my work husband’s real life wife is a different story. She’s jealous of our friendship and THINKS I want more, but I don’t. I’m not intentionally causing difficulties between them, but I don’t want to lose my friend, plain and simple. We were close friends since well before they were married.

    People really need to lighten up and learn to trust who they’re with. If you can’t trust your partner, you’re the one with the problem.

  7. lighten up Says:

    I should clarify…

    If you have a true REASON to suspect your partner (i.e. you caught them doing something, your husband is gone much later and more frequently than he should be), then fine. But if you think the fact that he has a close friendship with a woman is reason enough to be suspicious, then you need to work on trust issues.

    notdownwithit, I’m curious as to how you treat your husband’s friend. I tried multiple times to be nice to my work husband’s wife, but she always acts like a bitch to me. So now I act like a bitch right back.

  8. stuckinseattle Says:

    I just found out today that my wife has a work husband and the whole nursing floor knows about it. My wife has never mentioned him. She has been increasingly moody, has lost weight, now wears makeup, talks online for hours a day, goes out to bars/clubs now – she never did before. She is never intimate and doesn’t tell me she loves me anymore – I think our relationship is toast

    • ann0920 Says:

      seattle….I guessing that your wife is cheating on you? From the looks of it…I seems like she’s trying to impress someone. Who knows it might not her work husband..He might know who it might be though cause I bet you..she tells him everything.

  9. stuckinseattle Says:

    Here’s a follow-up from my May 9th post – I came home today at lunch to surprise my wife and she was cuddling up with her work husband on the couch with the lights off. I’m not the one to be telling that a work husband is harmless.

    take care – i hope this doesn’t happen to anyone else

  10. Do you have a “work spouse”? | The 36-Hour Day | Work It, Mom! Says:

    [...] CareerBuilder.com defines a work spouse as “a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship” (If you’re wondering whether you’ve got a work spouse, you can ask yourself these seven questions). Their post points out that the relationship can mirror a real-life marriage in many ways, and that’s the danger for many people, I suppose; there’s a line that you can’t cross with your work spouse, lest the relationship change from one of emotional support to one of emotional dependency. And the work-spouse relationship has been blamed for plenty of real-life spousal distress. [...]

  11. Tiredofit Says:

    My husband and I are in therapy over his “work wife”. I feel she wants more because of how she behaves around him when I’m around. She also goes out of her way to be rude to me. I went to visit him on a business trip where she was also attending and they had a rental car…my husband went to pick up the car as we waited at the hotel and when he arrived she opened the back door for me and proceeded to sit in the front seat. My husband didn’t realize she initiated this and later asked me why I sat in the back seat when I told him he just laughed and said, she takes her role as work wife a little too serious. I lost it on him and let him know that her behavior was indicative of something else. He thought I was overreacting and that they were “just friends”….I did some snooping and found an email she sent him while on vacation with her family and signed off with “miss you”…..we are now in counseling. he swears he doesn’t have feelings for her and hasn’t been unfaithful. It will take time to get over this. Marriage counselor said that I shouldn’t tolerate her behavior and should stand up to her and let her know how I feel.


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