Do Women Really Like Bad Boys Better?

Laura’s Take: Want to know the truth? The majority of women really DON’T want a jerk boyfriend at all. So why does it always seem like we tend to be more attracted to that bad boy persona? It’s not the fact that we like mean, rude, or arrogant pricks, it’s that we want someone who’s manly. The stereotypical bad boy is strong, takes what he wants and fights anyone willing to challenge him. We want to feel like we’re dating a man, someone who can defend and protect us, and unfortunately it’s that same desire that draws us to bad boys. One of the misconceptions we have about manliness is that men don’t need to act cocky to be considered manly. In fact, guys who act like that are just trying to compensate.

Real men, the kind that women really want, are the caring, nurturing men, who actually love and respect their women. It’s true, we want the nice guy, but we also want to be fought for and protected! It may sound old-fashioned, but we want to be your damsel in distress. We can’t defend ourselves and we need you to take care of us. It’s your job! Now who’s to say you can’t find a sweet, romantic man who’s still willing and able to be your big, strong man! I found one. When it comes to women looking for a serious relationship, the statement that “nice guys finish last” couldn’t be further from the truth.

Kris’ Take:  I can say that nice guys don’t finish last because I consider myself to be nice and I have a wonderful woman.  But just because I’m nice it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t pulverize someone that was hurting her.  It goes along with one of my favorite phrases:  “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.”   I haven’t gotten to use that phrase yet, but I look forward to it!  But in all seriousness, I’m glad to hear that women don’t want to date jerks or badboys, because those kinds of guys only end up getting their women hurt, or they end up in jail.  Neither of which is good, helpful, or healthy for any relationship.

Date Idea: Amusement Parks!

Laura’s Take: This is by far my favorite date idea! Kris and I love amusement parks. We’re what you would call “Adrenaline Junkies.” So every so often, Kris and I visit one of the local parks. Living in Florida gives us the advantage over other junkies because it makes visiting theme parks a breeze.

It’s not always a cheap date idea, but it sure is a fun one! It’s especially nice because you get to spend the entire day with your sweety! I can guarantee that both you and your date will have an amazing time, as long as you wear comfortable shoes. Also, make sure you bring zip-lock bags, believe me, you’ll need them.

This is a picture of the roller coaster, Maverick, at Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio. I don’t know about Kris, but if I could go anywhere in the country, this would be my first pick! 17 roller coasters! 17! The happiness is infectious!

Kris’ Take:  I love theme parks tons!  They are a lot of fun and it’s a good way to spend the day.  It’s fun because you get to be pretty much worry free for the day.  If you go to Busch Gardens in Tampa, you just made a trip to Africa, if you go to Islands of Adventure, you just stepped into the most famous comics ever created.  Theme parks create a great atmosphere for just about any date.  I would definitely suggest this idea.  But beware, calculate for food and souvenirs.  If you think you’re getting out of there without buying those you’re sadly mistaken!  This can be expensive, but so so so much fun.  I agree, 5 hearts!

Hot Tamales rates this idea:

5 out of 5 Hearts

Cheating Spouses: Love them or Leave them

Laura’s Take: Marriage is a holy union between two people and God, a union that is meant to stand the test of time. But God gave each and every one of us free will to make our own decisions, and sometimes we, as humans, don’t always make the best ones. Some bad decisions can have only a small impact on our lives, while others can completely change the rest of your life. How does a person cope with the knowledge that their husband or wife is having an affair? If you’re in this position, here are a few things to take into consideration.

• How did you find out? If you had to do your own snooping to find out, then the odds are that he or she wasn’t planning on ever telling you. If they confess without your snoopage, then they are most likely remorseful of their actions and wanted to be honest with you.
• Do you have any children? Sometimes couples that have experienced infidelity decide it’s better to remain in the relationship for the sake of the children. Children don’t like having parents who are constantly fighting, in fact, sometimes they’d actually prefer the divorce. Talk to your children and ask them how they feel about the issue. It’s not just about you and your spouse, it’s about the entire family.
• Do you want revenge? It’s a natural feeling to want to hurt the person who hurt you, but vengeful cheating will only hurt yourself. Having meaningless relations with another person will lower your self esteem and only make you feel worse. Try to get over your pain the hard way, lots of tissues and ice cream.
• Will they cheat again? Well it really just depends on the person, but my belief is if they’re willing to risk their marriage once, why not again? It’s like the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
• Can you ever trust them again? Well I can answer this one for you. No, you’ll never be fully able to trust them after there’s been infidelity. When he’s late coming home from work, you’ll wonder if there’s something still going on. I wouldn’t be able to deal with the constant paranoia.
• What do you want to do? There’s only two options, stay in the relationship or move on. Tell your spouse you need some time to think about what you want. Go away for a few days, and during those days, avoid talking to them, because they could try and persuade your opinion. They already made their decision, it’s time for you to make yours.

If you decide that you want to work things out, try going to a marriage counselor to talk about ways to deal with the situation. Counseling is one of the only ways to really be able to rebuild a relationship. If your spouse truly wants to work things out, there should be no fighting about going to the couple’s therapy. It’s so sad to hear when a couple is torn by infidelity. Please, don’t put yourself or your marriage in a compromising position by letting the world’s temptations get the best of you.

Kris’ Take: This is a very sad subject to tackle but unfortunately it’s a rampant problem. I completely agree with the counseling. I don’t think anybody involved in a situation like this is any kind of condition to try and repair the relationship. A counselor can be an invaluable tool that will allow you to make amends rather than just bury the hurt deep down inside. Chances are, if you decide to manage a cheating relationship just between the two of you, one of you is going to just be burying the hurt. A counselor will have the ability to bring out the emotions and arrive to the conclusions that would otherwise be overlooked, or considered too bothersome to face.

The best thing I can say about cheating in the first place is to prevent it. The reason cheating is so common is because people put themselves into situations where it can easily be accomplished. do you have a female colleague? Don’t go out to lunch with her, or do overnighters with her, or put yourself in any position where the two of you could be found alone. Not only will this help to prevent cheating, it will also prevent office rumors that can be just as equally damaging. Do you have a female friend? Don’t spend hours on the phone with her, and if you two are to hang out, bring your wife along. What will the two of you be doing that you couldn’t do with the woman that you supposedly will love until death do you part? Maybe she’d like to get out of the house or meet another female whom she can be friends with.

If you have a “look but don’t touch” attitude, get rid of it. All it takes is for one of those guys or girls that your day dreaming about to say hi and ask you to lunch, then it’s just a friendly lunch, right? Then he or she is giving you nice friendly compliments, friendly, right? Then you start noticing that your husband/wife doesn’t give you those nice compliments, that means this friend is better, right? They make you feel good so you should spend just a tad bit more time with them, right? But your husband/wife doesn’t need to know about these extra meetings, what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? The answer to all of those is no.

If it sounds like I’m being too strict, then that’s because I take relationships seriously. You must make sacrifices so it will work, and if you don’t think that’s the reality of it, then you’re willing to sacrifice your marriage for another relationship which still validates my point. You can’t be in the wrong place at the wrong time if you never went there to begin with.

Date Idea: Flying Low

Kris’ Take: So the other day we decided to take a shot at flying a kite, it seemed windy enough. This wasn’t a regular kite, it is made out of this wire and fabric but the wire is foldable and flimsy; you can bend it with all of your strength and it just snaps back to shape. So when you take the kite out of it’s bag it just unfolds itself like one of those really cool camping tents.

So as we attempted to fly this kite we realized how hard this really was. I determined there was no problem with Laura and I, the problem lay with the kite and the wind. In Florida we have really gusty wind, not a constant wind. So the kite would start to get high up, then a gust of wind would come and bend the kite (because of the bendy frame) and it would fall down. It was tough, Laura and I tried everything, throwing it up in the air, running with it, asking it, yelling at it, and nothing worked.

It might seem like I didn’t enjoy the kite flying, but in all honestly, we still managed to have a good time. This is probably because we love spending time together, it doesn’t really matter what we’re doing. It would’ve been neat getting the kite to fly, but the weather is a bit out of our control. If you’re planning on trying to fly a kite, try to remember to check your local weather first.

Laura’s Take: I actually thought this one was kind of fun, well more like funny. It’s ok to look stupid when you’re trying to fly a kite, and boy did we succeed at that! lol. But honestly though, I would do it again. I felt like a little kid again!

Hot Tamales rates this idea:

2.5 out of 5 Hearts

The Woman’s Guide to Complimenting

Laura’s Take: Believe me, there’s a right way and a wrong way! Let me start off with a few of the right ways. We like to be complimented on our beauty, our natural beauty. A simple, “Your smile is so beautiful,” will really let a woman’s guard down. Since she knows you like her smile, she’ll tend to smile a bit more for you, making for a much more comfortable atmosphere. Another thing women love to be complimented on is their personality/characteristics. For instance, “You have a great sense of humor,” or “Your laugh is adorable!” It shows a woman that you’re more interested in exploring her mind rather than her body. These kinds of compliments are the most important on a first date. You’re still able to compliment her without overwhelming her.

Which brings me to some of the wrong ways. Overwhelming a woman with compliments is a frequent problem I see. Sometimes when a man gets nervous on a date, he figures if he loads on the compliments, it’ll be a sure success. Not quite. Women love flattery, but there’s a point where it’s taking too far. Complimenting too much is actually more of a turn off than too little. When a women is constantly told how beautiful she looks, she begins to think that the man is only dating her for her looks. This goes right along with compliments about her body. For women, a compliment about our body isn’t really a compliment at all, just more of a sleazy come on.

When complimenting a woman, or for that matter, a man, just keep in mind that the best compliment comes right from the heart. If you don’t believe it, don’t say it! Because odds are, she won’t believe you either, which will make for a very tense environment for the both of you.

Kris’ Take:  Guys remember, compliments are like water.  Pour too little on, the flower won’t flourish, throw it into the ocean, it won’t flourish either.

Beautiful Day Out

Kris’ Take: We have so many great technologies; so much so that we stay inside, and we never leave! But I see, especially as of recently, that there are so many beautiful days passing us by. I can assure you that spending a beautiful day out with the person you love will feel so much better than staying inside. I endorse parks so heavily because they are serene, typically quiet, and the more people that go to parks the stronger conservation efforts will be when the time comes to determine whether the park should remain or be mowed down for a parking lot. Being in a calming and beautiful environment promotes a better feeling physically and mentally. This leads to better conversations and I think it would even help with tense situations. Being couped up inside with all of the artificial light and the stuffy air can only perpetuate sad or angry emotions and certainly does not promote a happy or good mental/physical disposition.

I highly suggest going on a nice walk or bike ride through a park, and just enjoy your time together in a beautiful place.

Date Tip: Be Yourself

Laura’s Take: After much review, Kris and I have decided that the most important thing for someone to remember on a date is to be yourself! People tend to over prepare themselves for a date and then forget that they need to be themselves! It is smart to prepare, that’s something we always want people to do before a date. But if you’re focusing too much on little details and forget about being yourself, you can forget about ever getting a second date. We hear so often how people change after you get married and move in together. Not to scare you off, but being upfront with someone from the beginning will give them a little insight into what they could expect if all goes well.

Guys, We want to get to know the real you, not who you think we want you to be! Tell us what’s important to you, what you care about, what do you like to do, and things you like and don’t like. On a first date, yes, the little details are still important to keep in the back of your mind, but it’s more important to give a clear representation of who you really are. This’ll give your date the information she needs to know to decide if you’d be right for her.

Unemployed Husband

Kris’ Take: So you go to work all day, and you come home to see your husband sitting on the couch, flipping through channels, and he didn’t really do anything around the house. If this sounds familiar then you’re not alone according to the United States Bureau of Labor Statistics. 6.5% of marriages in the United States are in a similar situation. There are advantages to one spouse staying home like keeping watch of the kids, or just keeping the house and yard nice and tidy, but you’re not reading this because of that. You’re probably reading this because the husband isn’t doing any of those things.

There has been a paradigm shift since women’s rights and suffrage, and many women don’t like it. I see searches for it all the time, but what can women do? Like any other problem you should sit down and talk about it. But before you do that, you need to find out what is really bothering you about it. Do you feel stressed, like the full work load is on you? Does it make you angry that ‘lazy bones’ gets to rest all day? Are you barely making your bills, or falling behind? Do you feel that it’s the man’s responsibility to go to work and for you to take are of the homefront? Are you annoyed that he’s not getting enough done around the house? This is important to consider because as soon as you sit down and let him know that you don’t like him working, he’s probably going to ask you why.

I’ve always been hugely motivated, and I don’t know many guys who could just sit at home while their wife brought in the income. But, if this is the guy you’ve got, then you’re going to need to work with it. If you’re falling behind in bills then that should be motivation enough, be honest with the financial climate of the household. If you’re just unhappy with the situation then that should be motivation enough for him to want to step up and help out in the marriage. If he doesn’t want to get a job, then you need to find out why. This situation can get so complicated so quickly because there are a lot of reasons that a man may not want to work. Some might include that he feels he doesn’t need to work because you make enough money, or that he feels he does enough around the house, or maybe he’s just completely lazy. Whatever the reason is; if it puts a strain on the marriage or your mental health, I would suggest seeking out a marriage counselor.

Date Idea: Bicycle, Bicycle

Laura’s Take: So today Kris and I bought a bike rack for the back of his car. I know we may say this a lot, but we really love being outdoors, so we figured it would be a nice idea to go bike riding. I’m excited about it, especially since Kris and I have been wanting to do this for some time. It’s not only a nice afternoon outside, but it’s also a fun way to exercise with your sweety.

Tomorrow we’ll be going down to one of our favorite local parks and going on a three mile bike hike around the park. Then after our bike ride, we’re planning on sitting down in one of the open areas and having a cute picnic on the grass (with a blanket, of course). It should be a really fun and interesting day. We’ll make sure to let you know how it goes!

Kris’ Take: So yesterday we decided to do our bicycle date idea which consisted of going to our favorite local park, riding our bikes together, and ending the day in a picnic. Here’s our day:

We loaded the bikes up at about noon onto the sweet, new bike rack. I’ll admit that I was a little hesitant because I don’t like trusting nylon straps to hold that much weight. But we arrived safely to our favorite local park. As we arrived Laura wanted to know where the bike trail was and as we approached I pointed it out. It was longer then the originally thought 3 miles. It was six and a half miles. We parked the car and I got the bikes off the back of the car, this was a little easier then putting them on! The day was absolutely gorgeous, the sun was out and there was a very nice breeze blowing. You could hear the sound of the tress and leaves being moved by it. There were many birds in the air. This was a very freeing experience.

We began our ride down the bike path, and there were lots of really friendly people out. It was nice to see so many families, but despite how many families were out, the trail was surprisingly private for most of the ride which allowed for Laura and I to have really lovely conversation. Every mile or so on the side of the bike path there were these small pavilions where you could stop to rest. Laura and I would occasionally stop to drink water. At one point we stopped and sat under the shade of a large pine tree and I took many pictures of some of the birds. We’ll have to post some of these. We were at the 4 1/2 mile mark on the trail and decided we were really hungry so we turned around and headed back.

Once we got back to the car I handed Laura the keys so she could start it up and get the air conditioning going because it was warm out. I loaded the bikes onto the car and we drove over to a picnic area so that we could enjoy the lunches I had packed. I packed roast beef sandwiches, chips, apple sauce, and brownies. All in all, Laura and I had a great day together and I really liked it.

Hot Tamales rates this idea:

3.5 out of 5 Hearts

Friends with Benefits

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Laura’s Take: This issue is becoming such an epidemic among the younger generations of today. Why does it seem that nearly every college student, male or female, has to play the field, “see what their options are,” or skip the dating process completely?

I saw a news story not more than a week ago, talking about students all across the nation, reversing the dating process. In fact, about 60% of all college students have had a “friend with benefits” relationship. What does this mean? Instead of dating someone to see if you want to take things to the next levels, marriage and intimacy, College students are skipping the first two steps and going straight to intimacy, where they then decide whether the other person is worth dating. This is a huge problem because it usually results in disappointment, regret, loneliness, and low self-esteem.

It may seem like a great deal, “no strings attached,” but there are always strings attached. Sex creates a bond between two people, it would be foolish to deny this, so how can you tell me that there’s no emotions involved? The fact is that people in this kind of arrangement will have an attachment for one another, almost like a pacifier to calm them. Had a bad day or something and need to unwind, who are probably going to turn to? When those strings start getting too tangled up, someone will cut them, leaving the other person out both a companion and a friend.

And what happens when you want to break away from the “friends with benefits” title and move into a real relationship with that person? Well if the person agreed to being just friends with benefits in the first place, they’re probably not aren’t looking for any form of commitment. Thus, you’re forced to choose between having just a friend with benefits relationship or being alone once again, which both choices leaves a person both disappointed and emotionally alone.

My advice to anyone considering starting a “friends with benefits” arrangement, is if you’re not looking for an actual relationship, keep your pants on, because it’s only going to give you more problems. If you can’t do that, you should probably seek out medical and psychological treatment to control your overactive hormones.

Kris’ Take: I know it was briefly glossed over but I’m going to dig a little deeper into the “what if you try to start a real relationship” aspect. Not only are you going to be starting a real relationship, but you need to end your old friends with benefits relationship also. I imagine that wouldn’t be so easy to do, after all, you’re only friends… right? Or wait, were you more than friends? It wouldn’t be fair to your new relationship to stay friends with this person. If you think it’s okay then you shouldn’t be entering into a real relationship because I can’t imagine your girlfriend being too thrilled that you’re friends with benefits is sticking around. And if you think keeping that aspect of your friendship a secret is a good idea, you really don’t need to be entering into a relationship!

People don’t enter a friends with benefits relationship to “find that special someone.” I don’t care how much they lie to themselves and others, people enter friends with benefits because they want sex, and they don’t want commitment. I’m not saying that any of these “friendships” haven’t lead to a relationship with the “friend,” but it’s not likely. If you’re engaged in a friends with benefits relationship on the pretenses that you’ll fall in love and run off into the sunset, then you’ve probably been lied to.  Just wait until marriage.