Is It Wrong To Have Friends Of The Opposite Sex?

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Is It Wrong To Have Friends Of The Opposite Sex?

With so many politicians getting caught with their pants down, many people might wonder:  Is it wrong to be friends with someone of the opposite sex?  It is a heated debate that has people fighting on both sides of the line.  Often accusations of trust and control issues are spit forth like bullets from a Tommy Gun, but let’s not be so hasty.  There are people who vehemently oppose the idea of men and women being friends, and there are people that support it.  But who is right?  While it may seem to simplistic to chock it up to “what you feel is right.”  It, unfortunately, almost always comes down to that.

To look at it more objectively, a relationship that avoids each member having friends of the opposite sex will most likely have less a chance of infidelity just for the sole reason of a lack of options.  Laura and I opt to not have friends of the opposite sex.  We don’t do this because we pressure each other, but out of respect to one another.  I would never want Laura to wonder what I’m doing and I know she wouldn’t want me wondering either.  Many might suggest that this is a sign of mistrust, but I beg to differ.  It is within humans nature to reason, and to postulate on things happening.  How often do we try to predict the end of a movie?  It is simply how we work.

It is no different in real life either.  The mind wanders and it’s by no fault of our own.  This can be stopped by simply avoiding the subject to begin with.  I do not feel that I have lost out on anything by not maintaining friendships with females, and Laura has expressed the same belief as well.  But as I stated earlier, it is up to the people involved as to what situation suits the relationship best.  We just chose the road that we felt to be easiest.

Start a Date Planner

Laura: “What do you want to do?”

Kris: “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Laura: “Do you want get something to eat?”

Kris: “Sure, where do you want to go?”

Laura: “I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

Kris: “Doesn’t matter to me…”

Laura’s Take: I know you’ve heard this conversation before. This is me and Kris nearly everytime we go out! We’ll sometimes even take up to an hour just to figure out what we’ll do for the rest of the day. Kris and I are both pretty organized and well-prepared people. When we couldn’t even decide on what to do for an afternoon, we decided that we needed to make a change.

So here’s what we did. We began writing a list of all the activities that we can do in our town, and I mean every activity, even the ones we probably wouldn’t do. Then we made another list of all the restaurants in the area and grouped them into categories according to price and cuisine. So now when we ask each other about what to do or where to eat, we can easily browse through all of our possible choices.

Kris and I have actually even take this one step further. We’ve completely planned out specific days from start til end. Not everyone can handle this kind of planning, but for Kris and I, it’s just what we needed. With our busy schedules, it’s hard to think of ideas off the top of your head. Planning things ahead of time takes a lot of stress off us and leaves us to just enjoy our time together.

Kris’ Take: I can’t count the number of times that we’ve had that conversation, but we’ve got everything pretty well planned out now so that we don’t need to even worry about what to do. Just look at the schedule and enjoy your day! It’s tough when you’re making the schedule because it can be somewhat tedious, but once it’s done it really makes the rest of your days so much easier. I even know what we’re doing tonight! It’s nice to know what to wear and what I’ll need to do. I highly suggest trying out this idea, especially if you have conversations like the one above!

Try to not Correct

Laura’s Take: This is some very, very valuable advice, men. Don’t ever provoke a woman to anger, because you won’t like us when we’re angry. And one thing that annoys me more than anything else, is when someone corrects me. It’s the easiest way to put me in a bad mood. I don’t care if I misspell a word, mispronounce a word, or pick a wrong word completely, I just don’t want to feel like my man is going to constantly point out my mistakes to me. I know I make silly mistakes here and there, everyone does, but it’s just down right cruel when you’re being corrected all the time for it.

Kris has learned about this pet peeve of mine. He tries very hard to not correct my errors, just because he knows how upset I get. When it’s something little, is it really necessary to correct the person, especially if you know that they may be sensitive to criticism? If a man could completely avoid an argument just by not correcting his wife, why wouldn’t he just opt to ignore the mispronunciation? I don’t know! Many women, like me, aren’t fans of criticism. We just don’t take it well. So I figure, leave me and my misspelling ways alone and we’ll both get along super!

I’m not trying to say that correcting someone else’s mistakes is always a bad thing, in fact sometimes it can be quite constructive and helpful. If someone honestly believes something that you know is wrong, and could potentially even hurt them in the future, you should let them know they are incorrect. In cases like these, we might be offended at first, but will eventually we’ll thank you for showing us the error of our ways. Otherwise, please try to ignore the little things, they’re just not worth it.

Kris’ Take: Yeah, this is definitely a pet peeve of Laura’s, but I’m getting better about it! Every once in a while I still do it though. I never do it to show her she’s wrong, but because it’s a pet peeve of her’s it’s hard to interpret it that way. This is a good example of figuring out each other so you understand what you can and can’t do. I love Laura a lot so I don’t want to do anything that hurt’s her, so conciously I try not to, but every once in a while it will come up on accident. The only thing I can say is: if this happens to be a pet peeve of yours, let your significant other know so they can try to work on it. And while they’re trying to work on it, you work on your reactions when it happens (This is assuming you have a fairly negative reaction when you’re corrected.). It’s all about communication, without communication the relationship could break down pretty quickly on small things even like this. You need to discuss what bothers the two of you, and find a compromise. Once the compromise is reached everyone needs to commit to it and make it an honest effort.

Top ways to show you love and care

Kris’ Take: This list is going to cover the top ways that I feel someone can demonstrate that they love and care for someone. This list will include simple and obvious things in theory, but sometimes these are the hardest things to remember to do.

1. Listen – This is one of those obvious but sometimes difficult things to do. Sometimes you just get lost in thought, but when the person you love is pouring their heart out it means a lot when you’re able to give them meaningful responses. It upsets me when I will be in conversation with Laura, and something happens around me that causes my attention to be diverted. It makes Laura feel less special. I like Laura to feel like she is the most special person in the world to me, and I can’t do that if I’m not listening properly.
2. Support – There’s a lot of crazy ideas out there, but if the one you love feels a need to do something (as long as it is morally correct) then you should give them your backing. It’s a terrible feeling when you have an idea that you believe in, but the person that you love makes you feel like you’re ridiculous or completely insane for thinking it. If it doesn’t pose some kind of disaster to the relationship or security of the family than give them the support they need to accomplish it. If there is a huge risk then it needs to be throughly discussed and weighed out. But whatever the idea, no matter how big or small, try to offer support because there are too many critics already.
3. Be Equal – Men want to be treated like men, true, we like to have the masculine roles in the relationship, but that doesn’t mean that anyone needs to be treated in an inferior manner. Just because the guy takes out the garbage and fixes the car doesn’t mean that there needs to be an inferior status it just means that he’s good at what he does and she’s good at what she does. A brain surgeon might be great at doing surgery but I don’t want him working on my car. A relationship includes having a mutual respect for the work that the other does.
4. Share – One thing that my parents did which I still don’t understand was they kept all money seperate, I guess this was an advantage once they got divorced. It’s okay to keep track of your finances but keeping them seperate creates a division in the relationship. By saying, “This is mine and that is yours” is kind of going against the idea of a marriage making two become one. And the only reason I can see people doing this is in preparation for divorce if that occurs. If you’re preparing for divorce, don’t get married. Some people might do it for accounting purposes, but it escapes me why the accounting can’t occur as a whole, it would make it easier that way anyways. It’s easier to look at one income and one outgoing rather than tracking two.
5. Team Work – Tackle tough tasks as a couple. While you’re at it, tackle the easy tasks as a team also. Laura and I wash the dishes together and she always thanks me and lets me know how much easier it makes it for her. And Laura will always help me with some of my extra work because she knows the work load that I’m currently handling is pretty big too. If we did this in everything then it might dramatically cut down on the stress one feels in a relationship. Support each other in the tasks that you might not be able to do together and use team work in the ones that you can help each other in. By doing the bare minimum in a relationship you’re ensuring that the one you supposedly love has to pick up the slack. By doing that little bit extra you can turn a mundane task into a nice conversation while taking ome of the work load. I like doing the dishes with Laura because we seem to always have nice conversations while we do it.

Falling Out Of Love

Laura’s Take: The other day I was browsing through Yahoo! answers and came across a question entitled, “Falling out of love.” Through reading further, I found out that this woman has been married for 7 years and met someone else. She gets butterflies from this other man, butterflies that her husband gave her only 6 years prior. Her question was, if she can feel this way about another man, how can she stay in her marriage if she’s no longer in love with her husband.

Now to answer this question. First off, Please Please Please don’t confuse the butterfly feeling with love! The butterfly feeling doesn’t mean you’re in love with someone else or that you’re no longer in love with the one you’re currently with. The butterfly feeling is only a mere sign of something new, interesting, or different, which tends to make a person feel excited or nervous. So you’re about to go to the Endodontist to have a root canal done and you feel those butterflies fluttering around in the pit of your stomach. I don’t think it’s because you’re in love with your Endodontist, it’s probably just because you’re apprehensive about the procedure. The point is, butterflies do not mean love!

Secondly, if you’re married, what are you doing looking around for other men?! This is a BIG problem these days. People today, think it’s fine that you keep to the motto, “You can look, but don’t touch.” Who are you kidding? The people who stick to this motto are going to be the same ones who end up alone. By sticking to this phrase, they’re only putting themselves into temptation’s way and are just trying to justify their actions. For someone to be in a relationship and still looking for others, it can only mean that they’re not getting the attention they need from their current spouse. (See: Undivided Attention!)

Time to talk to the hubby. If you’re not feeling that spark anymore, you need to have a serious conversation with him. I know it’ll be hard, but tell him exactly how you feel. After 7 years, things are bound to become a little routine and boring, but you need to remember why you married him in the first place! Remember all the important moments you’ve had together… like when he asked you to marry him, when you got married, when you had your first child. Honestly, do you really want to just throw all of that away? Of course not! Talk about the things he used to do that you loved and now miss and vice versa. You may even find out that something you used to do is missed as well. Don’t have a defeatist attitude about your relationship. There’s always something you can do to save it.

So what can you do?
Try a second honeymoon. It’s a great way to think back on your relationship and quenches your desire for something new, interesting, and different. Marriage counseling is another good alternative because it really gives you the opportunity to tell each other how you’re feeling. Start going on a weekly date, just like you did before you had kids. Get a babysitter for the night and put the focus back on your relationship with your husband!

Kris’ Take: I agree, it’s truly a shame to see things like this occur. I call this “The grass is always greener” syndrome. People always think that “the grass is always greener on the other side.” Please, don’t ever believe this to be true. Be happy and proud that you have a marriage that has lasted 7 years faithfully! In America, as I’ve stated before, 50% of marriages fail, so it’s an achievement to be past that statistic! And you’re going to throw it away because of some butterflies? Please! I’ve gotten butterflies from seeing a stack of pancakes because I was so hungry. That doesn’t mean Laura should worry about me and Mrs. Butterworth running off into the sunset!

Of course she’s bored, she’s been married seven years and she probably does the same things day in and day out. We live in such a jaded society where we take our lives and safety for granted. This allows us to become bored and lethargic, and think that we’re owed some sort of everyday adventure. This woman has been given something better, a loving, faithful husband. No matter how imperfect their relationship may be, if your biggest problem is boredom, go on vacation.

When kids get bored we don’t tell them to go find a new family. We suggest activities they can do to be less bored. The problem I have is that we take life for granted. I guarantee that families in areas of unrest such as the middle east are more tightly woven just because of all of the conflict around them. They love each other and understand that any day could be their last. In America, we don’t really have that.

The other day I was driving down a busy highway and I almost got into the right hand lane, except there was a bus stopped, so I decided not to. Not more than 5 seconds later, a truck came roaring by and smashed into the back of a car that was stopped behind the bus. When this happened, I freaked out. I immediately called Laura and told her how much I love her. We have the illusion of guaranteed life, but nothing is guaranteed except the end of life. So don’t worry yourself with butterflies, don’t even worry yourself with looking around. Worry yourself with making sure that the person you married and yourself both know how much you love each other. Because when your guarantee comes, you probably won’t be able to say those words.

So instead of worrying about your own entertainment, because that’s what the woman’s issue was, worry about the people that you love and not your love for yourself. If you need more thrills, discuss it with your loved one, don’t try and find a new one. Go on a vacation, if you have kids, get a responsible baby sitter as Laura suggested. Go out and do something! Just because your husband or wife doesn’t juggle and do backflips to make you laugh doesn’t mean you need to go out chasing butterflies.

Online Dating: Do’s and Dont’s

Laura’s Take: It’s amazing how many commercials I see for eHarmony, the famous online dating site. Nearly everyday I hear about how they just filled out this quick profile and Boom! Instant Love! Well it’s not quite that simple. So here’s 10 online dating do’s and dont’s that may not guarantee love, but can sure help you find it.

1. Do take time filling out any tests or surveys the site may have for you. Take every test seriously, or no man or woman will take you seriously.
2. Don’t talk about any previous relationship on your profile. This may seem like an obvious one, but you’d be surprised with how many people skip over it.
3. Do write something funny. No matter if you’re a man or a woman, you love a good laugh. Put a good, clean joke in your profile to give any potential dates something to smile at.
4. Don’t come off too strong. Asking to meet before you’ve even talked will just make you look creepy and needy. Be patient. All goods things come to those who wait.
5. Do write about what’s most important to you, whether it’s religious beliefs, family, or career. This will give potential daters very crucial information about you.
6. Don’t put up pictures that are deceiving. Everyone has their good pictures, but make sure they look like you. You don’t want a potential date to think you’re something you’re not.
7. Do talk and act like a gentleman or a lady. Cursing on your profile isn’t going to send the right messages about you and will only attract the wrong kinds of people.
8. Don’t be dishonest. We all want to make a good impression, but what happens when you find the love of your life and you have to tell them you’ve been lying this whole time?
9. Do be open-minded about who you date. Focus on what’s on the inside. Try to remember that everyone has their flaws and you’re no better than they are.
10. Don’t worry so much about it! All you have to do is be yourself and you’ll find the one you’re looking for, whether it’s through the internet or not.

Kris’ Take:  Well, Laura pretty well covered it but I’ll just put up some common mistakes that I’ve seen, some may overlap with what Laura said but it’s important to remember.

1. The pictures are huge!  It’s so easy to put up a misleading picture, but it’s much harder and awkward when you get that first look, and the rest of the date is plagued by awkward silence and hesitant conversation.
2. Be straight forward with everything, including religion.  Some people think that it might be rude to discuss religion.  When it comes to dating it’s not.  Remember:  You may have a family someday and that means celebrating holidays.  If you think it’s not an important subject because you’re not even sure if this is the person you’ll end up with then you need not be dating.  The purpose of dating is to find the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with.  Any other reason will most likely result in disaster.
3. Laura made a great point with being open minded.  It’s absolutely vital that you be open minded in dating.  No matter who you find you’re bound to not like some things, so don’t get hung up on them.  If you don’t like the way they look, maybe they have a fantastic personality that will help you grow as a person, and looks can always be fixed (No, I’m not endorsing plastic surgery, I’m completely against it!).  Outfits can be changed, hair can be cut, and piercings can be removed.  If the person has a terrible personality, I’d suggest running, that probably won’t get fixed unless the person truly wants to change.
4. And I think the most important thing that Laura covered is to not worry about it.  There are billions of people in this world, literally!  You’re bound to find a good person.  Will it be Mr. or Ms. Perfect?  Probably not, because most people have a convoluted idea of who they want in their life.  If you meet a nice person, and you decide they aren’t for you, you should evaluate your reasoning.  If they just don’t fit, that’s fine, but if it’s because of a couple of flaws, then you need to re-evaluate your character.  You need to realize that all people have flaws and try and pick out the good qualities.  If you can start seeing people in a different light, a whole new world of possibilities opens.

Quit Complaining

Laura’s Take: Not that what you’re saying isn’t important to your significant other, but sometimes it can be too much for them to handle. Imagine having a long, stressful day at work and coming home to only more stress? No one wants that. When you’re so close to a person, your moods are sometimes intertwined. For instance, I know that when I get in a depressed mood, Kris gets into that same mood. So if your complaining to your significant other, chances are, you’re only going to put them in a bad mood as well. I understand that sometimes, you just need to talk to somebody. It’s hard sometimes when you really need a shoulder to cry on, or complain on. You just don’t want to seem like all you do is complain (not attractive on anyone). Something that helps me is writing. If you like writing a personal journal, great, but some people don’t. I’m one of those people who feels that when you’re writing a journal, you’re writing to no one.

So this is what I do… I log into my e-mail and address the letter to Kris. Then I pretty much start writing the e-mail as if it were a journal, typing whatever I’m thinking at the time. It’s a really good method because I still get it off my chest, while I’m not complaining Kris’ ear off. After writing about what’s bugging me, I start feeling better and I can write some nice thoughts in my e-mail as well. It’s a good technique that seems to be working pretty good for me.

Kris’ Take:  I agree with this to a point.  If it’s just mindless complaining about anything and everything, then yes, please take the be quiet card.  If you have a genuine concern, or just had a horrible day, I don’t mind you complaining away.  I only role my eyes when I hear LFCs (Loud Frequent Complainers).  There’s a couple at work; no matter what the issue, they must complain, and they must make it known to everyone.  These people need a dunce cap and to sit in the corner.

Date Tip: Table Manners

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How To Meet The Right Girl

Laura’s Take: I’m sorry, but it’s such a turn off to see a man scarf down his entire plate of food before you even have the chance to pick up your fork. Men, I understand that when you’re hungry, you want to eat anything and everything in front of you. But when you’re on a date, you need to put those natural instincts aside or next time you’ll be eating alone. Table manners are so important when dating that they can and will lead to the failure of a date. Some good advice, don’t eat until you feel your pant’s button about to pop, it’ll just make you and your date feel uncomfortable. So men, I ask you, for your own good, stop eating like you’re in the military! Sorry I seem to be picking on the men, but I haven’t caught too many women acting like this. Just remember… Slow down. The food’s not going anywhere and we want to make sure your date isn’t either.

Kris’ Take: I admit, sometimes I eat like I’m in the military, but only when I must. When out at a restaurant, I try to mind my manners as well as possible. I have however seen women violate the laws of ladiness at the table. This also includes eating like they’re in the military, talking to friends on the phone (nothing could be more alienating), or talking about past relationships. Those are just a couple. Men, let’s make a deal. We eat more slowly, but the women must ditch the phones and the exs.

Don’t go to bed angry

Laura’s Take: In nearly any relationship, you’re going to have arguments. One of the most important pieces of advice I’ve learned from my parents has been not to go to bed angry. No matter who’s fault it is, make sure that if you see the other not breaking down, step up and be the mature one. Break the silence with an apology and get to making up!

Kris’ Take:  This is so true, and I have a big problem with this sometimes.  Sometimes it’s hard to man up and say “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”  It’s a huge blow to a guy’s ego, but it’s necessary also.  I know that it’s important to prove a point, but at what cost are you willing to prove it?  And ladies, please understand that we’re not trying to be jerks.  It’s hugely difficult for men to break down and say that we’re in the wrong.  I think it’s that stubborn testosterone!  Anyways, apologize, make up, and go to bed.  You’ll be so much happier that you did.  Imagine waking up the next morning and being happy to see each other rather than not talk at all.  [shiver]

Date Idea: Creme Brulee

Kris’ Take: Last night Laura and I decided that we would try out one of my Christmas gifts, so we made creme brulee. It was fantastic! This is a picture that I got of a really nice looking creme brulee from the website http://englishcountrywalks.com/blog/?p=37. I think the photographer’s name is David Wenk according to the website but I could be mistaken. I just want to make sure that I give proper credit. So no, our creme brulees didn’t look that nice, but they were close. Maybe if we put some ice cream on them we would’ve been a bit closer, but they were pretty darn good! Whoever made the creme brulee in that picture did an impressive job! This was a lot of fun to do and I would definitely suggest it. The man gets to play with a torch and the princess gets to decorate it all pretty. All in all it was a good experience (except the 1 hour chill time I’m impatient.). It’s an interesting idea and would be fun addition to your date night. That’s all I have to say on this subject, enjoy!

Laura’s Take: Mmmm, Creme Brulee. It was fun making those, mainly because we didn’t screw them up! Let’s not forget about the chocolate covered rice krispee bar incident. I’m never doing that again!

 Hot Tamales rates this idea:

2.5 out of 5 Hearts