Undivided Attention!

Kris’ Take: All the world needs is love, love, love — Love is all you need. WRONG! Okay, so the Beatles were onto something but they should add another word in there; Attention. Yes it’s true, if you love someone you should give them attention, but it doesn’t mean it is required. And this happens to be a big problem in many relationships: A lack of attention. Guys are notorious for this, whether it be work, sports, or electronics in general. It seems like they’d rather be married to those things than you right? I sympathize on this subject just because I see it happen all too often, and it can wreak havoc on relationships and end marriages. Ladies, the only advice I can give is to try and talk about it. There’s no magical cure unfortunately.

Men, please pay attention to the woman you love. If you can’t give proper attention then you need not be seeing someone. Do both of you a favor and don’t engage in a relationship: that way she can find a man that will treat her right, and you won’t be bothered taking your attention away from what is truly important to you. It’s not only stupid, but completely selfish to try and say “I love this woman, and no one else can have her” and then turn around and say “okay, go do something while I watch this show, and the show after that, and the show after that.” Because that is what is essentially happening.

If the two of you are already married, then I suggest talking it out. If you have the ability to, you can even speak with a marriage counselor. There is this huge stigma about marriage counselors, but I’ve only heard good things. People are afraid that if they go to a marriage counselor, they’re admitting they have a problem. Well, yes, but you’re also admitting that you care enough to fix it. Not going to a counselor means you have a problem and you couldn’t care less whether it gets worked out. If you don’t have the money there are many other resources out there, many churches can arrange for you to speak with a counselor free of charge or at a steep discount.

If you love each other enough, then provide the attention that you two need. It’s not enough to just be married, part of the job is to make each other feel loved and encouraged.

Don’t Forget What You Do Have

Kris’ Take:  Every morning I listen to morning shows on the radio.  I hear people asking for help because of this and that.  There are a lot of people out there in need of something, and one thing I commonly hear brought up is how people are lonely.  As humans, we have a need to be wanted or accepted.  A husband, wife, fiancee, boyfriend, or girlfriend fulfills this need, but many people forget the feeling of being alone.  It gets caught up in complaints about how the other snores too loud, didn’t cut the grass, or forgot to wash the dishes.  And sometimes it even gets taken as far as divorce.  What each of us needs to do is re-evaluate the importance of people in our lives.  How would you feel if they weren’t in your life?  How would you feel being completely and utterly alone?  Some people would say they’d be just fine.  But for how long?  Those people I feel are extremely short sighted, and I don’t think they realize they’d soon be seeking out friends to fill the void. 

It’s okay to complain when you’re frustrated, but at the end of the day make sure the two of you are hugging and cuddling.  You never know what tomorrow may bring, and that’s if tomorrow ever comes.  Be happy and proud that you have someone in your life, because there are people who pray constantly to have that kind of companionship in their life.  Today I heard a statistic that 70% of wealthy men over the age of 55 said the two most important things to judge their success was:

1. Having a happy and loving family.

2. Being able to retire early.

Why did they want to retire early?  So they could spend time with their happy and loving family.  That means that men who consider themselves successful measure that by having a family, not how many figures are in their bank account!  So remember:  while you’re busy complaining about the wife, husband, or kids you have, there are other people out their who would love to have the blessings you’ve got.  Don’t forget what you do have.

Men want to be treated like men pt.2

Kris:  Due to the popularity of my last post “Men want to be treated like men” I’m posting this follow up.  My first one started out as more of a light hearted funny post, but there have been so many search engine clicks from women searching for the phrase “how to treat men” that I realize there is a real need for this information.  Women have the same problem men do, we don’t know what each other is thinking.  Now, while what I write won’t apply to nearly all men, I’ll try to be as thorough as possible.

I was completely serious when I said that I like to feel like the man.  I like doing the guy things, and in our current state of sociology this has become considered chauvinistic.  It is now a bad thing to designate certain activities as guyish and girlish, because everyone can do what everyone else does.  I admit that I am sensitive, and this is considered a feminine quality.  I’m okay with that because it allows my fiancee and I to connect on a better level.  This doesn’t mean I’m not a man, just as a woman with masculine qualities would still be a woman.

What do men truly want?  I like to feel like the man, I also like to feel attractive.  Any man who denies this is lieing.  If you want to test this, just tell your man today “Wow, you look really good.”  See if he doesn’t smile a little bit.  Men love feeling attractive.  It’s okay to puff a guys manliness up to make him feel special.  If he’s strong hug his arm and comment on how he’s your big strong man.  If he’s really intelligent, listen to what he has to say with intent, if he impresses you with a new insight then compliment him.  We try all the time to impress you and win you over with our best features (Not all guys do this, some think when they get the catch they can let go.).

We like thoughtful little somethings.  Like if you’re out and you see something small that you think your guy might like, pick it up.  Now this isn’t something you do often, but when you feel it might be an appreciated gesture, try it.  Notes!!!  I love notes, when Laura leaves me cute little handwritten notes telling me that she loves me, I adore them.  I think I’ve kept every single one of them.  Some guys really try to push the manly button and think this is mushy crap that is useless.  If your guy is that guy, this probably won’t work.

 I hate to leave anyone with the feeling of incomplete information, but what this all comes down to is knowing what type of guy you have.  Then from there you can truly know what he wants.

To Be Taken Care of

Kris’ Take: Laura will correct me if I’m wrong, which means that I have to make sure I’m right.  So men, I know for sure one thing that women want.  Women want to be taken care of – to be treated as “the princess they really are” as Laura stated in one of her other replies.  That means giving them the things they need, love, attention, shiny rings, etc.  I try to do nice things for Laura a lot, sometimes I fall flat, but that is bound to happen.  I think this was a pretty fool-proof topic guys, let’s see the girls deny this!

 Laura’s Take: I won’t deny it, Kris. I love being your center of attention, and that’s how it should be! Girls appreciate the occassional sparkly thing, or the random bouquet of flowers, but it’s not the most important thing in the world. I want to know that nothing comes before me, (except God), Not football, not cars, and not your buddies!