Is It Wrong To Have Friends Of The Opposite Sex?

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Is It Wrong To Have Friends Of The Opposite Sex?

With so many politicians getting caught with their pants down, many people might wonder:  Is it wrong to be friends with someone of the opposite sex?  It is a heated debate that has people fighting on both sides of the line.  Often accusations of trust and control issues are spit forth like bullets from a Tommy Gun, but let’s not be so hasty.  There are people who vehemently oppose the idea of men and women being friends, and there are people that support it.  But who is right?  While it may seem to simplistic to chock it up to “what you feel is right.”  It, unfortunately, almost always comes down to that.

To look at it more objectively, a relationship that avoids each member having friends of the opposite sex will most likely have less a chance of infidelity just for the sole reason of a lack of options.  Laura and I opt to not have friends of the opposite sex.  We don’t do this because we pressure each other, but out of respect to one another.  I would never want Laura to wonder what I’m doing and I know she wouldn’t want me wondering either.  Many might suggest that this is a sign of mistrust, but I beg to differ.  It is within humans nature to reason, and to postulate on things happening.  How often do we try to predict the end of a movie?  It is simply how we work.

It is no different in real life either.  The mind wanders and it’s by no fault of our own.  This can be stopped by simply avoiding the subject to begin with.  I do not feel that I have lost out on anything by not maintaining friendships with females, and Laura has expressed the same belief as well.  But as I stated earlier, it is up to the people involved as to what situation suits the relationship best.  We just chose the road that we felt to be easiest.

Welcome Our New Friend

We have started up a companion blog for men.  The Blog is designed to help men come up with easy and relatively affordable ways to make the woman in their life feel more special.  Check it out at Special Her!

Sincerely,
Kris & Laura

Beautiful Day Out

Kris’ Take: We have so many great technologies; so much so that we stay inside, and we never leave! But I see, especially as of recently, that there are so many beautiful days passing us by. I can assure you that spending a beautiful day out with the person you love will feel so much better than staying inside. I endorse parks so heavily because they are serene, typically quiet, and the more people that go to parks the stronger conservation efforts will be when the time comes to determine whether the park should remain or be mowed down for a parking lot. Being in a calming and beautiful environment promotes a better feeling physically and mentally. This leads to better conversations and I think it would even help with tense situations. Being couped up inside with all of the artificial light and the stuffy air can only perpetuate sad or angry emotions and certainly does not promote a happy or good mental/physical disposition.

I highly suggest going on a nice walk or bike ride through a park, and just enjoy your time together in a beautiful place.

Top ways to show you love and care

Kris’ Take: This list is going to cover the top ways that I feel someone can demonstrate that they love and care for someone. This list will include simple and obvious things in theory, but sometimes these are the hardest things to remember to do.

1. Listen – This is one of those obvious but sometimes difficult things to do. Sometimes you just get lost in thought, but when the person you love is pouring their heart out it means a lot when you’re able to give them meaningful responses. It upsets me when I will be in conversation with Laura, and something happens around me that causes my attention to be diverted. It makes Laura feel less special. I like Laura to feel like she is the most special person in the world to me, and I can’t do that if I’m not listening properly.
2. Support – There’s a lot of crazy ideas out there, but if the one you love feels a need to do something (as long as it is morally correct) then you should give them your backing. It’s a terrible feeling when you have an idea that you believe in, but the person that you love makes you feel like you’re ridiculous or completely insane for thinking it. If it doesn’t pose some kind of disaster to the relationship or security of the family than give them the support they need to accomplish it. If there is a huge risk then it needs to be throughly discussed and weighed out. But whatever the idea, no matter how big or small, try to offer support because there are too many critics already.
3. Be Equal – Men want to be treated like men, true, we like to have the masculine roles in the relationship, but that doesn’t mean that anyone needs to be treated in an inferior manner. Just because the guy takes out the garbage and fixes the car doesn’t mean that there needs to be an inferior status it just means that he’s good at what he does and she’s good at what she does. A brain surgeon might be great at doing surgery but I don’t want him working on my car. A relationship includes having a mutual respect for the work that the other does.
4. Share – One thing that my parents did which I still don’t understand was they kept all money seperate, I guess this was an advantage once they got divorced. It’s okay to keep track of your finances but keeping them seperate creates a division in the relationship. By saying, “This is mine and that is yours” is kind of going against the idea of a marriage making two become one. And the only reason I can see people doing this is in preparation for divorce if that occurs. If you’re preparing for divorce, don’t get married. Some people might do it for accounting purposes, but it escapes me why the accounting can’t occur as a whole, it would make it easier that way anyways. It’s easier to look at one income and one outgoing rather than tracking two.
5. Team Work – Tackle tough tasks as a couple. While you’re at it, tackle the easy tasks as a team also. Laura and I wash the dishes together and she always thanks me and lets me know how much easier it makes it for her. And Laura will always help me with some of my extra work because she knows the work load that I’m currently handling is pretty big too. If we did this in everything then it might dramatically cut down on the stress one feels in a relationship. Support each other in the tasks that you might not be able to do together and use team work in the ones that you can help each other in. By doing the bare minimum in a relationship you’re ensuring that the one you supposedly love has to pick up the slack. By doing that little bit extra you can turn a mundane task into a nice conversation while taking ome of the work load. I like doing the dishes with Laura because we seem to always have nice conversations while we do it.

Writing Love Notes

Kris’ Take: I’m not going to give you a poem to write, but I will give some tips because Laura and I leave little notes for one another often. Depending on the reason, you may or may not want to write a long, enthralled note. A lot of the information depends on how your significant other feels about reading. I like when Laura writes me long detailed notes but other people might prefer less reading. What ever you do, make sure you express your emotion, and be creative. A note that says I love you is nice and it might be enough to put a smile on their face (It should be at least!). You might want to elaborate how much you love them:

Serious: I love you with all of my heart (I know, a little cliche, but I used it to get my idea across.)

Poetic: I love you from the depths of the ocean to the stars in the sky.

Funny / Creative / Awkward: I love you with the passion of a thousand suns.

No matter what you write, notes are great because they always say something else; that you were thinking about them. That’s probably the most meaningful part of the whole thing. It’s very warming when I find a note that Laura hid because I don’t expect it, and it tells me that she’s thinking of me. I know that Laura thinks of me, but having something like that happen just makes you feel good, and there’s no denying it.

Laura’s Take: I completely agree with you, notes are a great way to let the person you love, know how you feel about them. Some people have a hard time telling someone how they feel in person, and writing notes is a helpful alternative which still gets the point across.

I love hiding notes for Kris. The only problem is I’m very impatient and I want him to find the notes right away so I can hear his response. It’s so much fun finding a cute note from your significant other, especially when you’re not expecting it. When he finally finds it, it puts an instant smile on his face!

My favorite note Kris ever wrote me was from about a year ago. I guess he would put under the “Funny/Creative/Awkward” category. It’s kind of hard to describe, but I’ll do my best. He described things that really love other things, but the love he has for me is even greater than that. Ok, example: “I love you more than Pop-eye loves Spinach.” It was so cute and clever that I keep it in a little box of all the cute stuff he’s given me.

Undivided Attention!

Kris’ Take: All the world needs is love, love, love — Love is all you need. WRONG! Okay, so the Beatles were onto something but they should add another word in there; Attention. Yes it’s true, if you love someone you should give them attention, but it doesn’t mean it is required. And this happens to be a big problem in many relationships: A lack of attention. Guys are notorious for this, whether it be work, sports, or electronics in general. It seems like they’d rather be married to those things than you right? I sympathize on this subject just because I see it happen all too often, and it can wreak havoc on relationships and end marriages. Ladies, the only advice I can give is to try and talk about it. There’s no magical cure unfortunately.

Men, please pay attention to the woman you love. If you can’t give proper attention then you need not be seeing someone. Do both of you a favor and don’t engage in a relationship: that way she can find a man that will treat her right, and you won’t be bothered taking your attention away from what is truly important to you. It’s not only stupid, but completely selfish to try and say “I love this woman, and no one else can have her” and then turn around and say “okay, go do something while I watch this show, and the show after that, and the show after that.” Because that is what is essentially happening.

If the two of you are already married, then I suggest talking it out. If you have the ability to, you can even speak with a marriage counselor. There is this huge stigma about marriage counselors, but I’ve only heard good things. People are afraid that if they go to a marriage counselor, they’re admitting they have a problem. Well, yes, but you’re also admitting that you care enough to fix it. Not going to a counselor means you have a problem and you couldn’t care less whether it gets worked out. If you don’t have the money there are many other resources out there, many churches can arrange for you to speak with a counselor free of charge or at a steep discount.

If you love each other enough, then provide the attention that you two need. It’s not enough to just be married, part of the job is to make each other feel loved and encouraged.

Work Spouses

Work Spouses: Learn what they are and how you can avoid them!

Date Idea: Creme Brulee

Kris’ Take: Last night Laura and I decided that we would try out one of my Christmas gifts, so we made creme brulee. It was fantastic! This is a picture that I got of a really nice looking creme brulee from the website http://englishcountrywalks.com/blog/?p=37. I think the photographer’s name is David Wenk according to the website but I could be mistaken. I just want to make sure that I give proper credit. So no, our creme brulees didn’t look that nice, but they were close. Maybe if we put some ice cream on them we would’ve been a bit closer, but they were pretty darn good! Whoever made the creme brulee in that picture did an impressive job! This was a lot of fun to do and I would definitely suggest it. The man gets to play with a torch and the princess gets to decorate it all pretty. All in all it was a good experience (except the 1 hour chill time 😦 I’m impatient.). It’s an interesting idea and would be fun addition to your date night. That’s all I have to say on this subject, enjoy!

Laura’s Take: Mmmm, Creme Brulee. It was fun making those, mainly because we didn’t screw them up! Let’s not forget about the chocolate covered rice krispee bar incident. I’m never doing that again!

 Hot Tamales rates this idea:

2.5 out of 5 Hearts

Christmas reminds me…

Kris’ Take:  In America, where we are surrounded by advertising and glittering images, we are constantly pressured to buy, buy, buy and keep up with the neighbors.  It can sometimes become very easy to fall into this trap.  When people fall into this trap I call them an Uberconsumer.  That is a word that I completely made up on my own so I know it won’t pass spell check.  When you’re an uberconsumer, you completely lose sight of what is truly important.  People begin to covet their iphone and Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses.  Sometimes I find myself in this position where I am blindly driven to succeed and few times do I ever really sit down and define what the word succeed means.

 Sure, the world says that succeeding is acquiring large amounts of money, power, or a combination of the two.  I know for some people that is success, but I think to myself, what is truly important to me?  I would rather have loving children and a faithful wife rather than a million dollars.  I know money is necessary to properly supply the needs of the people that you love, but a line must be drawn.  I know there is some guy out there that is working tirelessly to shove millions in the bank for the family that he has at home.  What he doesn’t realize is while he is slaving away, the kids are growing up, the wife is developing new interests that she isn’t able to share with him because he isn’t around, and all this is doing is widening the gap between him and the family that he thinks he is doing this all for.  It’s really a catch 22.

 There needs to be a balance.  I’m a highly driven person, and that is probably one of my biggest blessings, and one of my biggest flaws.  I need to know how to balance my drive to provide and succeed financially, and also make ample amounts of room for attention and quality time.  I think of the plant analogy:  You buy a plant and put it in the window so that it is sure to have plenty of sunshine.  Then you go to the river to get it water.  But wait, a gallon is okay but you will need plenty of water to sustain it throughout its whole life.  So you hurry home and drip a couple of drops on the plant and you run back out to the river. 

You collect hundreds of gallons of water, every once in a while running back to drip a few drops onto your plant.  You’re too busy to notice that the plant is beginning to brown and wither.  It doesn’t matter how much water you gather, it won’t save that plant without the right amount of attention.  In this case the plant was only receiving a couple of drops a day at best.

 This Christmas I went to my mother’s house and it was nice spending time with her.  I don’t get to see her often and it reminded me of just how nice and important family is.  I see it everyday, celebrities that “have the world” but in all reality, they are unfulfilled.  Look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.  They will be going to Louisiana to help rebuild, I think that is fantastic, but examine that a little further.  All of the money, and sway that they have, they must be fulfilled, right?  They have the ability to live their lives completely for themselves and not lift a finger, yet they choose to do the opposite.  This shows me that no matter how much money a person has, there is far more to life.  I know this is an obvious conclusion, but look at how many people spend their lives, lose their lives, and lose their families because they love money more.

 Christmas reminds me that it’s okay to work for the money you need, but to remember to put everyone that you truly love before it.

Merry Christmas!

Kris:  Sorry about the lack of updates but we all know how this holiday season can get!  I had a very lovely time with Laura.  We did our gift exchange and talked quite a bit about the things we received.  She did the most amazing job of getting me a gift that I wanted… while I was there.  Worse yet, the gift was probably about a grand total of 4 feet away from me the whole ride home  WHOLE 45 minute ride home!  I had no clue either just because she is that crafty!  I was in complete disbelief when I opened it and she started telling me the story.  It’s like one of those movies where you don’t understand how everything happened.  Then, as it starts unraveling it shows you all of the obvious clues that were laid out before you!  Then you’re thinking “UUHhhhh, how did I not know!?”  Anywho, my Christmas was grand, if you’d like let us know how yours went!  If you guys did anything romantic and creative let us know too!  Until next time.