Do Women Really Like Bad Boys Better?

Laura’s Take: Want to know the truth? The majority of women really DON’T want a jerk boyfriend at all. So why does it always seem like we tend to be more attracted to that bad boy persona? It’s not the fact that we like mean, rude, or arrogant pricks, it’s that we want someone who’s manly. The stereotypical bad boy is strong, takes what he wants and fights anyone willing to challenge him. We want to feel like we’re dating a man, someone who can defend and protect us, and unfortunately it’s that same desire that draws us to bad boys. One of the misconceptions we have about manliness is that men don’t need to act cocky to be considered manly. In fact, guys who act like that are just trying to compensate.

Real men, the kind that women really want, are the caring, nurturing men, who actually love and respect their women. It’s true, we want the nice guy, but we also want to be fought for and protected! It may sound old-fashioned, but we want to be your damsel in distress. We can’t defend ourselves and we need you to take care of us. It’s your job! Now who’s to say you can’t find a sweet, romantic man who’s still willing and able to be your big, strong man! I found one. When it comes to women looking for a serious relationship, the statement that “nice guys finish last” couldn’t be further from the truth.

Kris’ Take:  I can say that nice guys don’t finish last because I consider myself to be nice and I have a wonderful woman.  But just because I’m nice it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t pulverize someone that was hurting her.  It goes along with one of my favorite phrases:  “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.”   I haven’t gotten to use that phrase yet, but I look forward to it!  But in all seriousness, I’m glad to hear that women don’t want to date jerks or badboys, because those kinds of guys only end up getting their women hurt, or they end up in jail.  Neither of which is good, helpful, or healthy for any relationship.

Cheating Spouses: Love them or Leave them

Laura’s Take: Marriage is a holy union between two people and God, a union that is meant to stand the test of time. But God gave each and every one of us free will to make our own decisions, and sometimes we, as humans, don’t always make the best ones. Some bad decisions can have only a small impact on our lives, while others can completely change the rest of your life. How does a person cope with the knowledge that their husband or wife is having an affair? If you’re in this position, here are a few things to take into consideration.

• How did you find out? If you had to do your own snooping to find out, then the odds are that he or she wasn’t planning on ever telling you. If they confess without your snoopage, then they are most likely remorseful of their actions and wanted to be honest with you.
• Do you have any children? Sometimes couples that have experienced infidelity decide it’s better to remain in the relationship for the sake of the children. Children don’t like having parents who are constantly fighting, in fact, sometimes they’d actually prefer the divorce. Talk to your children and ask them how they feel about the issue. It’s not just about you and your spouse, it’s about the entire family.
• Do you want revenge? It’s a natural feeling to want to hurt the person who hurt you, but vengeful cheating will only hurt yourself. Having meaningless relations with another person will lower your self esteem and only make you feel worse. Try to get over your pain the hard way, lots of tissues and ice cream.
• Will they cheat again? Well it really just depends on the person, but my belief is if they’re willing to risk their marriage once, why not again? It’s like the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
• Can you ever trust them again? Well I can answer this one for you. No, you’ll never be fully able to trust them after there’s been infidelity. When he’s late coming home from work, you’ll wonder if there’s something still going on. I wouldn’t be able to deal with the constant paranoia.
• What do you want to do? There’s only two options, stay in the relationship or move on. Tell your spouse you need some time to think about what you want. Go away for a few days, and during those days, avoid talking to them, because they could try and persuade your opinion. They already made their decision, it’s time for you to make yours.

If you decide that you want to work things out, try going to a marriage counselor to talk about ways to deal with the situation. Counseling is one of the only ways to really be able to rebuild a relationship. If your spouse truly wants to work things out, there should be no fighting about going to the couple’s therapy. It’s so sad to hear when a couple is torn by infidelity. Please, don’t put yourself or your marriage in a compromising position by letting the world’s temptations get the best of you.

Kris’ Take: This is a very sad subject to tackle but unfortunately it’s a rampant problem. I completely agree with the counseling. I don’t think anybody involved in a situation like this is any kind of condition to try and repair the relationship. A counselor can be an invaluable tool that will allow you to make amends rather than just bury the hurt deep down inside. Chances are, if you decide to manage a cheating relationship just between the two of you, one of you is going to just be burying the hurt. A counselor will have the ability to bring out the emotions and arrive to the conclusions that would otherwise be overlooked, or considered too bothersome to face.

The best thing I can say about cheating in the first place is to prevent it. The reason cheating is so common is because people put themselves into situations where it can easily be accomplished. do you have a female colleague? Don’t go out to lunch with her, or do overnighters with her, or put yourself in any position where the two of you could be found alone. Not only will this help to prevent cheating, it will also prevent office rumors that can be just as equally damaging. Do you have a female friend? Don’t spend hours on the phone with her, and if you two are to hang out, bring your wife along. What will the two of you be doing that you couldn’t do with the woman that you supposedly will love until death do you part? Maybe she’d like to get out of the house or meet another female whom she can be friends with.

If you have a “look but don’t touch” attitude, get rid of it. All it takes is for one of those guys or girls that your day dreaming about to say hi and ask you to lunch, then it’s just a friendly lunch, right? Then he or she is giving you nice friendly compliments, friendly, right? Then you start noticing that your husband/wife doesn’t give you those nice compliments, that means this friend is better, right? They make you feel good so you should spend just a tad bit more time with them, right? But your husband/wife doesn’t need to know about these extra meetings, what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? The answer to all of those is no.

If it sounds like I’m being too strict, then that’s because I take relationships seriously. You must make sacrifices so it will work, and if you don’t think that’s the reality of it, then you’re willing to sacrifice your marriage for another relationship which still validates my point. You can’t be in the wrong place at the wrong time if you never went there to begin with.

The Woman’s Guide to Complimenting

Laura’s Take: Believe me, there’s a right way and a wrong way! Let me start off with a few of the right ways. We like to be complimented on our beauty, our natural beauty. A simple, “Your smile is so beautiful,” will really let a woman’s guard down. Since she knows you like her smile, she’ll tend to smile a bit more for you, making for a much more comfortable atmosphere. Another thing women love to be complimented on is their personality/characteristics. For instance, “You have a great sense of humor,” or “Your laugh is adorable!” It shows a woman that you’re more interested in exploring her mind rather than her body. These kinds of compliments are the most important on a first date. You’re still able to compliment her without overwhelming her.

Which brings me to some of the wrong ways. Overwhelming a woman with compliments is a frequent problem I see. Sometimes when a man gets nervous on a date, he figures if he loads on the compliments, it’ll be a sure success. Not quite. Women love flattery, but there’s a point where it’s taking too far. Complimenting too much is actually more of a turn off than too little. When a women is constantly told how beautiful she looks, she begins to think that the man is only dating her for her looks. This goes right along with compliments about her body. For women, a compliment about our body isn’t really a compliment at all, just more of a sleazy come on.

When complimenting a woman, or for that matter, a man, just keep in mind that the best compliment comes right from the heart. If you don’t believe it, don’t say it! Because odds are, she won’t believe you either, which will make for a very tense environment for the both of you.

Kris’ Take:  Guys remember, compliments are like water.  Pour too little on, the flower won’t flourish, throw it into the ocean, it won’t flourish either.

Try to not Correct

Laura’s Take: This is some very, very valuable advice, men. Don’t ever provoke a woman to anger, because you won’t like us when we’re angry. And one thing that annoys me more than anything else, is when someone corrects me. It’s the easiest way to put me in a bad mood. I don’t care if I misspell a word, mispronounce a word, or pick a wrong word completely, I just don’t want to feel like my man is going to constantly point out my mistakes to me. I know I make silly mistakes here and there, everyone does, but it’s just down right cruel when you’re being corrected all the time for it.

Kris has learned about this pet peeve of mine. He tries very hard to not correct my errors, just because he knows how upset I get. When it’s something little, is it really necessary to correct the person, especially if you know that they may be sensitive to criticism? If a man could completely avoid an argument just by not correcting his wife, why wouldn’t he just opt to ignore the mispronunciation? I don’t know! Many women, like me, aren’t fans of criticism. We just don’t take it well. So I figure, leave me and my misspelling ways alone and we’ll both get along super!

I’m not trying to say that correcting someone else’s mistakes is always a bad thing, in fact sometimes it can be quite constructive and helpful. If someone honestly believes something that you know is wrong, and could potentially even hurt them in the future, you should let them know they are incorrect. In cases like these, we might be offended at first, but will eventually we’ll thank you for showing us the error of our ways. Otherwise, please try to ignore the little things, they’re just not worth it.

Kris’ Take: Yeah, this is definitely a pet peeve of Laura’s, but I’m getting better about it! Every once in a while I still do it though. I never do it to show her she’s wrong, but because it’s a pet peeve of her’s it’s hard to interpret it that way. This is a good example of figuring out each other so you understand what you can and can’t do. I love Laura a lot so I don’t want to do anything that hurt’s her, so conciously I try not to, but every once in a while it will come up on accident. The only thing I can say is: if this happens to be a pet peeve of yours, let your significant other know so they can try to work on it. And while they’re trying to work on it, you work on your reactions when it happens (This is assuming you have a fairly negative reaction when you’re corrected.). It’s all about communication, without communication the relationship could break down pretty quickly on small things even like this. You need to discuss what bothers the two of you, and find a compromise. Once the compromise is reached everyone needs to commit to it and make it an honest effort.

10 Things Every Woman Wants in a Man

Laura’s Take: Kris put his two cents in about what a man wants in a woman, so here’s a my take on what women want in a man. If there’s any women out there that have something else to add, please do! Men can use all the help they can get!

1. The first and most important characteristic is honesty. If you’re not about to trust your man, you don’t have a relationship! Men, tell the truth, all the time, no matter how bad it may be. We’ll love you for your honesty!

2. What’s a man without a good sense of humor? Boring, that’s what! Sing her a song, tell a joke, do whatever you have to make her laugh, because if you don’t know how to make or take a joke, a long, happy relationship is probably not in your future.

3. A nice smile can make any woman smile! It’s the most important part of a person’s face and it’s the first thing you see when you meet someone new, so make sure that those pearly whites are sparkling!

4. Men like to talk about what they know, and actually, women like to hear it. Intelligence is one of the most attractive characteristics in any man. We want you to amaze us with your extensive knowledge about electrical circuitry!

5. One thing that is so refreshing to find in a guy is a positive outlook on life. Negative people just bring others down with them and no woman wants a man who will make her sad and depressed.

6. Having a sensitive demeanor is key to any successful relationship, so to see a man who’s able to connect to his sensitive side is sweet and actually very manly. Yes, a sensitive man can be quite masculine and sexy!

7. Many woman love adventure and trying new things so it’s great have a man with an open mind. Being able to step out of one’s comfort zone to take risks is such an important characteristic because it really makes life interesting. Kris makes me try new foods all the time, foods I would othewise, had never tried myself.

8. Seriously, women can spend up to an hour each day making ourselves look pretty for you. Well we want the same respect back! Your physical appearance is important! We don’t want to be seen with a slob! Please, take some time and work on your appearance!

9. Old fashioned chivalry is still greatly appreciated by many women. It’s not easy to find any more these days, but luckily I’ve managed to find a gentleman who still thinks a lady deserves to be treated like such!

10. One thing that I’ve always loved about Kris is his determination. He’s goal orientated and that’s so important to me, especially since I have my own goals as well, so we’re able to motivate each other.

What do men find attractive?

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“I Love You” Ideas

Kris’ Take:  I cannot speak for all men because tastes will nearly always differ, but I will speak what I know.  Firstly when it comes to clothing I prefer classy and conservative.  One of the main things that I like about Laura is that she never feels like she needs to show everything off to get attention.  I can’t believe that some parents let their kids out the door looking like they do.  When I go to the mall I have to make sure I didn’t end up in the red light district because I’m not sure if all the 15 and 16 year old girls are trying to shop or work the corner.  So to put it bluntly, respectful men that will be good for you in a relationship don’t want to see your goodys.

If a guy approaches you because of what you’re wearing is that the kind of guy that you trust until death do you part?  If so then you must plan on having a very short life because I give him about ten minutes before he’s looking the next short skirt up and down.

Besides clothing I love a sense of humor but intelligent and moral at the same time.  Laura and I have very corresponding personalities.  We make jokes together but at the same time her and I can have an intelligent conversation and she has all of the same morals that I do.  These are probably the most important characteristics that I can stress in a relationship.  If your personalities don’t fit, then you’ve got an empty relationship.  You need to be able to have a conversation or else all there will be is generic talk and no attention.  Laura fits me like a glove, she has everything I could ever want or need.  She has a wonderful sense of humor, she shares the same morals and beliefs, she’s intelligent, she’s beautiful, she dresses with class and taste, and she’s trustworthy.  That’s what I find attractive.

Gift Ideas for Men

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Kris’ Take:  Women always want to know what to get their man for holidays, I’ll do the best I can to provide some general ideas that may help you out.  You’ll have to gauge your guy to make sure these fit with his personality or career, but I think this will be a decent start:

• A nice watch (Laura got me a very nice one and I loved it!)
• A new briefcase (This is better for businessmen so get this if it’s needed, or if it’s better than the one he has.)
• A nice suit (Men like looking good for their women, so if you had him a suit that you say is hot, he’ll probably like it.)
• A better phone (These have become integral to businessmen)
• New shoes (I wear my shoes until the sole is gone, Laura doesn’t let this happen to me anymore.)
• A nice wallet (Nothing worse then a businessman busting out his gray nylon wallet with blue trim.)
• Cologne (This is kind of a last ditch effort unless the guy doesn’t shut up about it.  Laura had to skew the truth for a whole year about a cologne I liked.  She kept telling me she didn’t like it so I wouldn’t buy it so she could get it for me.  She actually loves the stuff.)
• Something from one of his hobbies or (I hate using this idea, but it’s safer if you’re unsure of what to get) a gift certificate to one of his favorite hobby stores.
• If he needs or uses tools a lot you can speak with a home improvements store employee about what tools are nice for his trade.  They can make recommendations on things that can make the job easier, or just upgrade what he already has. (Be sure to keep receipts just in case.)
• Things for his vehicle like satellite radio, GPS, or various decorations to enhance the look.  (Men typically like their vehicles a lot, and getting things to enhance the ride or make it look nicer are usually a pretty safe bet.)
• A sentimental gift like a picture frame with your names engraved (As long as your man doesn’t smash beer cans on his head.  Laura did this for me and it sits upon my desk, I really like it.)
• A vacation. (A little more pricey but fun for you both!)

Those are my ideas for now.  As I think of more I’ll be sure to add them, and if you have any ideas or ones that really worked out well leave them as a comment and I’ll add those too.

Date Tip: Sound of Silence

Laura’s Take: Absolutely nothing can be a worse dating don’t than this, or at least in my opinion. Kris would probably still say it’s blowing your nose, but that’s a whole other post. So you pick up this beautiful girl, you open all the doors, take her to a romantic restaurant and even remember to pull out her chair. You’ve ordered your dinner and now comes the silence. Silence at the dinner table is almost the worst thing that can happen on a first date. I say almost because there are always worse alternatives. But honestly, having a boring conversation will make any date a flop. So before you pick up your date, think about what you already know about her. If it’s a blind date, just think about what kinds of things you’d like to know about her, such as hobbies, family, career, etc. Now make a mental list of these things and when you can feel the conversation growing quiet, pull out a question. Who knows, maybe the conversation will just flow and you don’t need to, but it’s always reassuring to know you have a backup plan.

Kris’ Take: I do agree, but the blowing the nose thing would go on that list of alternatives. Men, please take notice that Laura mentions thinking of questions to ask HER. I don’t care how good your job is, how high your pay is, or how big your house or condo in Cali is; the date is about her. Unless she asks you these questions, focus on her, and get to know her. It shows that you’re interested, and she’ll be happy that there is conversation. You can say so much more by listening and responding to what she has to say rather than giving your biography. Many women listen to the underlying idea, you could be telling her all of these great things, and what she’ll be hearing is “Me, me, me, oh more about me, did you know that I, Blah blah blah.” She’ll think that you’re completely self involved and full of conceit. You’ll be thinking you’re just keeping the date going, but she’ll be thinking “this dates over.” Ask about her, if she wants to know about you, she’ll chime in with a “what about you?” Give her a concise answer and get back to her.

Date Idea: Luck be a Lady

Laura’s Take: This date idea may not be for everyone, but it’s something a little out of the ordinary. Casinos are an interesting alternative to the usual dinner and a movie. I, myself, love playing slot machines, or really just anything that has lots of pretty blinking lights and noise! Before you go, set a limit as to how much you plan on playing, that way you won’t be spending more than you can afford. By the way, your limit should also include the money your date will be playing with… It is a date after all. Also, have the mindset that you’re playing only for the entertainment value instead of trying to make money. Why? so you won’t be disappointed when you don’t. But as I said, gambling isn’t for everybody, so I don’t recommend this idea for a first date.

Hot Tamales rates this idea:

4.5 out of 5 Hearts

Thinking of Popping the Question?

Laura’s Take: So you’ve been dating each other for a few years now and you want to take the next big step towards spending the rest of your life together. Before you hear the hundreds of Congratulations, there’s a few questions you should ask yourself.

1. Do you love the person with your whole heart? It may seem like a silly question, but there are many people today, who just get married for the companionship. That’s not the right reason. You need to love the person more than you love yourself and care about them more than you care about yourself. Can you picture yourself with that person years from now, when they’re old and looks are gone? Will you still love them just as much as you do now? Think about it.
2. Do you know everything about each other’s past? Everyone has some kind of skeleton in the closet, so make sure you find out about it before walking down that aisle. Discovering a secret after you’re married can cause some severe problems for newlyweds. Talk about your problems with each other, whether it’s past relationships, family problems, or even just bad habits.
3. Do you know what they want for the future? It’s more important than you may think. Conflicts about how to raise your future kids, or even about whether or not you want kids, can really put a lot of stress on a couple. Future career goals are also important. You want to be able to support your family down the road right? Make sure you see eye to eye on your future plans so you can both work towards making it a reality.
4. Do you know what her answer will be? Honestly, you should. If you’re feeling nervous about whether or not she’ll say yes, maybe you need to take a step back and think about your relationship. Maybe you, as a couple, aren’t ready to handle that kind of relationship yet. No man wants to spend thousands on an engagement ring just to have it handed right back to him. If you truly love each other, you’ll know what her answer will be before you even ask.
5. Do you see a wedding in the near future? When you ask someone to marry you, you’re saying, “I want to get married and spend the rest of my life with you,” not, “I love you and want to be engaged for the rest of my life.” Sure you need time to plan for the wedding, but don’t pop the question without taking the immediate future into consideration. Don’t expect to ask a girl “Will you marry me?” and plan for a long engagement. If you love them, commit to them, completely.