Welcome Our New Friend

We have started up a companion blog for men.  The Blog is designed to help men come up with easy and relatively affordable ways to make the woman in their life feel more special.  Check it out at Special Her!

Sincerely,
Kris & Laura

Sharing Each Other’s Hobbies

Laura’s Take: Hobbies. Some of them are fun, and others, well, not so much… but the fact is that nearly everyone has one. When you’re in a serious relationship, it’s important to make an effort to share in your honey’s hobbies, whether it’s painting, collecting something, or taking pictures. Who knows, you might find out that you love collecting coins. That hasn’t really happened for me quite yet, but when Kris buys a new coin, I try to act interested. I’m just kidding of course. He loves sharing his hobby with me, and honestly, I love when he does. It’s nice being able to share our hobbies with each other. I don’t ever want to say, “Oh, that’s his thing.”

I don’t always like doing what Kris likes to do, but I still make an effort to seem interested. Why? Because when the time comes around for me to pick out that cute outfit for the his company’s Christmas party, I expect him to be anxiously waiting outside the dressing room. By the way, Kris doesn’t have a problem going shopping with me, but I know many men who can’t stand shopping with their women, so I thought it would be a suitable example.

Keep in mind that sharing in someone else’s hobby isn’t necessarily a game of give and take. Sometimes you learn to enjoy the hobby just as much as they do! I sometimes catch myself sifting through the change I get while shopping to see if there are any old coins that I think Kris might like.

When we think something is fun, cool, or interesting, we want to tell someone right? What if you absolutely loved playing piano… (as I do) and wanted to play a song for your sweety, but he or she didn’t care… Wouldn’t you be a little hurt? Now I’m not saying that they need to take up piano lessons, but just a mere “That was lovely Sweety,” could prove that they care about you and respect what’s important to you.

Kris’ Take:  Yes, this is very important.  It can be alienating when you feel like the person you love has absolutely no interest in your hobbies, and that’s why people should make an effort to share in it.  I collect coins, as you’ve probably gathered, and many people find that to be terribly boring.  I enjoy it because of all of the history behind them, and Laura understands that.  After all, it is pretty neat holding a coin that’s 125 years old, or even 2,000 years old!  It means a lot to me when I get a new coin and I can hurry up and show Laura my latest find; it’s like finding buried treasure.  It would make me sad if I rushed home to show Laura and all she said was “OK.  That’s boring.”

The same thing goes with shopping.  Now, I don’t hate shopping, but there are other things that I prefer doing sometimes.  This doesn’t change the fact that if Laura wants to hit up the mall, I go.  I don’t drag my feet either!  Many men will go just to appease, but they make it painfully obvious that they don’t want to be there.  This isn’t supportive, in fact it might be more damaging than not going at all.  Why should I take Laura somewhere that she really wants to be, then make it miserable for her?  It doesn’t make sense, and I would even call it an oxymoron.

It’s all about give and take.  Laura spends the time to listen to me about my hobbies, and I spend the time assisting her in her hobbies.  It can’t be one sided, or someone is losing out.  Relationships are about building each other up and growing together.  Segregating your hobbies from one another just makes time for the two of you to grow apart, and that seems contrary to the idea behind a relationship.

Do Women Really Like Bad Boys Better?

Laura’s Take: Want to know the truth? The majority of women really DON’T want a jerk boyfriend at all. So why does it always seem like we tend to be more attracted to that bad boy persona? It’s not the fact that we like mean, rude, or arrogant pricks, it’s that we want someone who’s manly. The stereotypical bad boy is strong, takes what he wants and fights anyone willing to challenge him. We want to feel like we’re dating a man, someone who can defend and protect us, and unfortunately it’s that same desire that draws us to bad boys. One of the misconceptions we have about manliness is that men don’t need to act cocky to be considered manly. In fact, guys who act like that are just trying to compensate.

Real men, the kind that women really want, are the caring, nurturing men, who actually love and respect their women. It’s true, we want the nice guy, but we also want to be fought for and protected! It may sound old-fashioned, but we want to be your damsel in distress. We can’t defend ourselves and we need you to take care of us. It’s your job! Now who’s to say you can’t find a sweet, romantic man who’s still willing and able to be your big, strong man! I found one. When it comes to women looking for a serious relationship, the statement that “nice guys finish last” couldn’t be further from the truth.

Kris’ Take:  I can say that nice guys don’t finish last because I consider myself to be nice and I have a wonderful woman.  But just because I’m nice it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t pulverize someone that was hurting her.  It goes along with one of my favorite phrases:  “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.”   I haven’t gotten to use that phrase yet, but I look forward to it!  But in all seriousness, I’m glad to hear that women don’t want to date jerks or badboys, because those kinds of guys only end up getting their women hurt, or they end up in jail.  Neither of which is good, helpful, or healthy for any relationship.

Cheating Spouses: Love them or Leave them

Laura’s Take: Marriage is a holy union between two people and God, a union that is meant to stand the test of time. But God gave each and every one of us free will to make our own decisions, and sometimes we, as humans, don’t always make the best ones. Some bad decisions can have only a small impact on our lives, while others can completely change the rest of your life. How does a person cope with the knowledge that their husband or wife is having an affair? If you’re in this position, here are a few things to take into consideration.

• How did you find out? If you had to do your own snooping to find out, then the odds are that he or she wasn’t planning on ever telling you. If they confess without your snoopage, then they are most likely remorseful of their actions and wanted to be honest with you.
• Do you have any children? Sometimes couples that have experienced infidelity decide it’s better to remain in the relationship for the sake of the children. Children don’t like having parents who are constantly fighting, in fact, sometimes they’d actually prefer the divorce. Talk to your children and ask them how they feel about the issue. It’s not just about you and your spouse, it’s about the entire family.
• Do you want revenge? It’s a natural feeling to want to hurt the person who hurt you, but vengeful cheating will only hurt yourself. Having meaningless relations with another person will lower your self esteem and only make you feel worse. Try to get over your pain the hard way, lots of tissues and ice cream.
• Will they cheat again? Well it really just depends on the person, but my belief is if they’re willing to risk their marriage once, why not again? It’s like the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
• Can you ever trust them again? Well I can answer this one for you. No, you’ll never be fully able to trust them after there’s been infidelity. When he’s late coming home from work, you’ll wonder if there’s something still going on. I wouldn’t be able to deal with the constant paranoia.
• What do you want to do? There’s only two options, stay in the relationship or move on. Tell your spouse you need some time to think about what you want. Go away for a few days, and during those days, avoid talking to them, because they could try and persuade your opinion. They already made their decision, it’s time for you to make yours.

If you decide that you want to work things out, try going to a marriage counselor to talk about ways to deal with the situation. Counseling is one of the only ways to really be able to rebuild a relationship. If your spouse truly wants to work things out, there should be no fighting about going to the couple’s therapy. It’s so sad to hear when a couple is torn by infidelity. Please, don’t put yourself or your marriage in a compromising position by letting the world’s temptations get the best of you.

Kris’ Take: This is a very sad subject to tackle but unfortunately it’s a rampant problem. I completely agree with the counseling. I don’t think anybody involved in a situation like this is any kind of condition to try and repair the relationship. A counselor can be an invaluable tool that will allow you to make amends rather than just bury the hurt deep down inside. Chances are, if you decide to manage a cheating relationship just between the two of you, one of you is going to just be burying the hurt. A counselor will have the ability to bring out the emotions and arrive to the conclusions that would otherwise be overlooked, or considered too bothersome to face.

The best thing I can say about cheating in the first place is to prevent it. The reason cheating is so common is because people put themselves into situations where it can easily be accomplished. do you have a female colleague? Don’t go out to lunch with her, or do overnighters with her, or put yourself in any position where the two of you could be found alone. Not only will this help to prevent cheating, it will also prevent office rumors that can be just as equally damaging. Do you have a female friend? Don’t spend hours on the phone with her, and if you two are to hang out, bring your wife along. What will the two of you be doing that you couldn’t do with the woman that you supposedly will love until death do you part? Maybe she’d like to get out of the house or meet another female whom she can be friends with.

If you have a “look but don’t touch” attitude, get rid of it. All it takes is for one of those guys or girls that your day dreaming about to say hi and ask you to lunch, then it’s just a friendly lunch, right? Then he or she is giving you nice friendly compliments, friendly, right? Then you start noticing that your husband/wife doesn’t give you those nice compliments, that means this friend is better, right? They make you feel good so you should spend just a tad bit more time with them, right? But your husband/wife doesn’t need to know about these extra meetings, what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? The answer to all of those is no.

If it sounds like I’m being too strict, then that’s because I take relationships seriously. You must make sacrifices so it will work, and if you don’t think that’s the reality of it, then you’re willing to sacrifice your marriage for another relationship which still validates my point. You can’t be in the wrong place at the wrong time if you never went there to begin with.

10 Things Every Woman Wants in a Man

Laura’s Take: Kris put his two cents in about what a man wants in a woman, so here’s a my take on what women want in a man. If there’s any women out there that have something else to add, please do! Men can use all the help they can get!

1. The first and most important characteristic is honesty. If you’re not about to trust your man, you don’t have a relationship! Men, tell the truth, all the time, no matter how bad it may be. We’ll love you for your honesty!

2. What’s a man without a good sense of humor? Boring, that’s what! Sing her a song, tell a joke, do whatever you have to make her laugh, because if you don’t know how to make or take a joke, a long, happy relationship is probably not in your future.

3. A nice smile can make any woman smile! It’s the most important part of a person’s face and it’s the first thing you see when you meet someone new, so make sure that those pearly whites are sparkling!

4. Men like to talk about what they know, and actually, women like to hear it. Intelligence is one of the most attractive characteristics in any man. We want you to amaze us with your extensive knowledge about electrical circuitry!

5. One thing that is so refreshing to find in a guy is a positive outlook on life. Negative people just bring others down with them and no woman wants a man who will make her sad and depressed.

6. Having a sensitive demeanor is key to any successful relationship, so to see a man who’s able to connect to his sensitive side is sweet and actually very manly. Yes, a sensitive man can be quite masculine and sexy!

7. Many woman love adventure and trying new things so it’s great have a man with an open mind. Being able to step out of one’s comfort zone to take risks is such an important characteristic because it really makes life interesting. Kris makes me try new foods all the time, foods I would othewise, had never tried myself.

8. Seriously, women can spend up to an hour each day making ourselves look pretty for you. Well we want the same respect back! Your physical appearance is important! We don’t want to be seen with a slob! Please, take some time and work on your appearance!

9. Old fashioned chivalry is still greatly appreciated by many women. It’s not easy to find any more these days, but luckily I’ve managed to find a gentleman who still thinks a lady deserves to be treated like such!

10. One thing that I’ve always loved about Kris is his determination. He’s goal orientated and that’s so important to me, especially since I have my own goals as well, so we’re able to motivate each other.

What do men find attractive?

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Kris’ Take:  I cannot speak for all men because tastes will nearly always differ, but I will speak what I know.  Firstly when it comes to clothing I prefer classy and conservative.  One of the main things that I like about Laura is that she never feels like she needs to show everything off to get attention.  I can’t believe that some parents let their kids out the door looking like they do.  When I go to the mall I have to make sure I didn’t end up in the red light district because I’m not sure if all the 15 and 16 year old girls are trying to shop or work the corner.  So to put it bluntly, respectful men that will be good for you in a relationship don’t want to see your goodys.

If a guy approaches you because of what you’re wearing is that the kind of guy that you trust until death do you part?  If so then you must plan on having a very short life because I give him about ten minutes before he’s looking the next short skirt up and down.

Besides clothing I love a sense of humor but intelligent and moral at the same time.  Laura and I have very corresponding personalities.  We make jokes together but at the same time her and I can have an intelligent conversation and she has all of the same morals that I do.  These are probably the most important characteristics that I can stress in a relationship.  If your personalities don’t fit, then you’ve got an empty relationship.  You need to be able to have a conversation or else all there will be is generic talk and no attention.  Laura fits me like a glove, she has everything I could ever want or need.  She has a wonderful sense of humor, she shares the same morals and beliefs, she’s intelligent, she’s beautiful, she dresses with class and taste, and she’s trustworthy.  That’s what I find attractive.

Gift Ideas for Men

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Kris’ Take:  Women always want to know what to get their man for holidays, I’ll do the best I can to provide some general ideas that may help you out.  You’ll have to gauge your guy to make sure these fit with his personality or career, but I think this will be a decent start:

• A nice watch (Laura got me a very nice one and I loved it!)
• A new briefcase (This is better for businessmen so get this if it’s needed, or if it’s better than the one he has.)
• A nice suit (Men like looking good for their women, so if you had him a suit that you say is hot, he’ll probably like it.)
• A better phone (These have become integral to businessmen)
• New shoes (I wear my shoes until the sole is gone, Laura doesn’t let this happen to me anymore.)
• A nice wallet (Nothing worse then a businessman busting out his gray nylon wallet with blue trim.)
• Cologne (This is kind of a last ditch effort unless the guy doesn’t shut up about it.  Laura had to skew the truth for a whole year about a cologne I liked.  She kept telling me she didn’t like it so I wouldn’t buy it so she could get it for me.  She actually loves the stuff.)
• Something from one of his hobbies or (I hate using this idea, but it’s safer if you’re unsure of what to get) a gift certificate to one of his favorite hobby stores.
• If he needs or uses tools a lot you can speak with a home improvements store employee about what tools are nice for his trade.  They can make recommendations on things that can make the job easier, or just upgrade what he already has. (Be sure to keep receipts just in case.)
• Things for his vehicle like satellite radio, GPS, or various decorations to enhance the look.  (Men typically like their vehicles a lot, and getting things to enhance the ride or make it look nicer are usually a pretty safe bet.)
• A sentimental gift like a picture frame with your names engraved (As long as your man doesn’t smash beer cans on his head.  Laura did this for me and it sits upon my desk, I really like it.)
• A vacation. (A little more pricey but fun for you both!)

Those are my ideas for now.  As I think of more I’ll be sure to add them, and if you have any ideas or ones that really worked out well leave them as a comment and I’ll add those too.

Falling Out Of Love

Laura’s Take: The other day I was browsing through Yahoo! answers and came across a question entitled, “Falling out of love.” Through reading further, I found out that this woman has been married for 7 years and met someone else. She gets butterflies from this other man, butterflies that her husband gave her only 6 years prior. Her question was, if she can feel this way about another man, how can she stay in her marriage if she’s no longer in love with her husband.

Now to answer this question. First off, Please Please Please don’t confuse the butterfly feeling with love! The butterfly feeling doesn’t mean you’re in love with someone else or that you’re no longer in love with the one you’re currently with. The butterfly feeling is only a mere sign of something new, interesting, or different, which tends to make a person feel excited or nervous. So you’re about to go to the Endodontist to have a root canal done and you feel those butterflies fluttering around in the pit of your stomach. I don’t think it’s because you’re in love with your Endodontist, it’s probably just because you’re apprehensive about the procedure. The point is, butterflies do not mean love!

Secondly, if you’re married, what are you doing looking around for other men?! This is a BIG problem these days. People today, think it’s fine that you keep to the motto, “You can look, but don’t touch.” Who are you kidding? The people who stick to this motto are going to be the same ones who end up alone. By sticking to this phrase, they’re only putting themselves into temptation’s way and are just trying to justify their actions. For someone to be in a relationship and still looking for others, it can only mean that they’re not getting the attention they need from their current spouse. (See: Undivided Attention!)

Time to talk to the hubby. If you’re not feeling that spark anymore, you need to have a serious conversation with him. I know it’ll be hard, but tell him exactly how you feel. After 7 years, things are bound to become a little routine and boring, but you need to remember why you married him in the first place! Remember all the important moments you’ve had together… like when he asked you to marry him, when you got married, when you had your first child. Honestly, do you really want to just throw all of that away? Of course not! Talk about the things he used to do that you loved and now miss and vice versa. You may even find out that something you used to do is missed as well. Don’t have a defeatist attitude about your relationship. There’s always something you can do to save it.

So what can you do?
Try a second honeymoon. It’s a great way to think back on your relationship and quenches your desire for something new, interesting, and different. Marriage counseling is another good alternative because it really gives you the opportunity to tell each other how you’re feeling. Start going on a weekly date, just like you did before you had kids. Get a babysitter for the night and put the focus back on your relationship with your husband!

Kris’ Take: I agree, it’s truly a shame to see things like this occur. I call this “The grass is always greener” syndrome. People always think that “the grass is always greener on the other side.” Please, don’t ever believe this to be true. Be happy and proud that you have a marriage that has lasted 7 years faithfully! In America, as I’ve stated before, 50% of marriages fail, so it’s an achievement to be past that statistic! And you’re going to throw it away because of some butterflies? Please! I’ve gotten butterflies from seeing a stack of pancakes because I was so hungry. That doesn’t mean Laura should worry about me and Mrs. Butterworth running off into the sunset!

Of course she’s bored, she’s been married seven years and she probably does the same things day in and day out. We live in such a jaded society where we take our lives and safety for granted. This allows us to become bored and lethargic, and think that we’re owed some sort of everyday adventure. This woman has been given something better, a loving, faithful husband. No matter how imperfect their relationship may be, if your biggest problem is boredom, go on vacation.

When kids get bored we don’t tell them to go find a new family. We suggest activities they can do to be less bored. The problem I have is that we take life for granted. I guarantee that families in areas of unrest such as the middle east are more tightly woven just because of all of the conflict around them. They love each other and understand that any day could be their last. In America, we don’t really have that.

The other day I was driving down a busy highway and I almost got into the right hand lane, except there was a bus stopped, so I decided not to. Not more than 5 seconds later, a truck came roaring by and smashed into the back of a car that was stopped behind the bus. When this happened, I freaked out. I immediately called Laura and told her how much I love her. We have the illusion of guaranteed life, but nothing is guaranteed except the end of life. So don’t worry yourself with butterflies, don’t even worry yourself with looking around. Worry yourself with making sure that the person you married and yourself both know how much you love each other. Because when your guarantee comes, you probably won’t be able to say those words.

So instead of worrying about your own entertainment, because that’s what the woman’s issue was, worry about the people that you love and not your love for yourself. If you need more thrills, discuss it with your loved one, don’t try and find a new one. Go on a vacation, if you have kids, get a responsible baby sitter as Laura suggested. Go out and do something! Just because your husband or wife doesn’t juggle and do backflips to make you laugh doesn’t mean you need to go out chasing butterflies.

Work Husband and Work Wife

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Kris’ Take: I used to watch these sitcom television shows where people would talk about work husbands and work wives. I thought this was completely fake until I heard some people at my job talking about it. If you don’t know, a work husband or work wife is pretty much the title one receives when they spend too much time at work with someone of the opposite sex. So, Joe is married and he spends ten hours a day at work pouring over a project. He also has a partner that helps him named Jane. Jane and Joe know everything about each other because they spend 10 hours a day together. They’re very friendly and Joe feels more confident confiding in Jane then he does his own wife. Once he gets home, he has some dinner and heads off to bed with barely a word to his wife, just some generic conversation “how was your day?” “Fine, how was yours?” This would most definitely be considered a work husband/wife scenario. This kind of relationship is fine if you’re single, but from my viewpoint, completely inexcusable if you’re married.

I know that you’re bound to forge relationships when you work, but when it starts destroying your true relationships, then it’s time to draw some lines. How can this be done? Stop sharing every little thing with the person at work; Plain and simple. This person doesn’t need to know about your marriage problems. If you have marriage problems that need to be talked out, then bring it to your wife, or a marriage counselor. By talking about marriage problems with another woman, you’re pretty much yelling “I’m unhappy, do you want to make me feel better?” And I’m sure sometimes this is the person’s underlying intentions without even realizing it.

If possible, change project partners. If you’re able to get a man instead of a woman, or vice versa, then do it. Why tempt yourself? In this world of political correctness, segregation is so highly spoken against. “Women can do what men can do.” That’s correct, and I believe it to be completely true, but that doesn’t change the fact that by working with each other you can create a temptation. I’m not blaming women for this, I’m just saying this happens normally without anyone really noticing. Think about how you met your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend. If it started out as a friendship, then it was probably pretty platonic in the beginning. And that changed after spending time together. People think that merely controlling your “sexual tension” is enough; No, it’s not, there shouldn’t be sexual tension at work. It’s work. The only sexual tension that should be controlled is the tension that you have for your husband or wife because you’ve been apart for 8 – 10 hours. If you have any other kind of tension, you need to request a new partner or team, and you need to let your husband or wife know so you can fix it before it becomes a real problem.

Infidelity runs rampant through relationships, and it is so terribly sad to see. These people that pledge to love each other for sicknesss or health, richer or poorer, and yet our divorce rate is 50%! 1 out of every 2 marriages fail in America, and every one of those marriages took the same pledge. There’s no reason except for people’s selfish ways. It may sound extreme what I suggest, but no job is worth a marriage. When you take that oath, you better be willing to live under a bridge and stay faithful rather than have a billion dollars and fail them.

Laura’s Take: I’m not too familiar with these terms, but I definitely agree with you, Kris, that people shouldn’t put themselves in such compromising positions with coworkers. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if my husband was closer to someone else at work than with me. If you can’t completely keep the promises you’ve made to your husband or wife, then you should seriously think about what you’re doing to your life.

Kris’ Take:  Don’t worry honey, you’ll never have to hear these words from my mouth.

Date Tip: Table Manners

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Laura’s Take: I’m sorry, but it’s such a turn off to see a man scarf down his entire plate of food before you even have the chance to pick up your fork. Men, I understand that when you’re hungry, you want to eat anything and everything in front of you. But when you’re on a date, you need to put those natural instincts aside or next time you’ll be eating alone. Table manners are so important when dating that they can and will lead to the failure of a date. Some good advice, don’t eat until you feel your pant’s button about to pop, it’ll just make you and your date feel uncomfortable. So men, I ask you, for your own good, stop eating like you’re in the military! Sorry I seem to be picking on the men, but I haven’t caught too many women acting like this. Just remember… Slow down. The food’s not going anywhere and we want to make sure your date isn’t either.

Kris’ Take: I admit, sometimes I eat like I’m in the military, but only when I must. When out at a restaurant, I try to mind my manners as well as possible. I have however seen women violate the laws of ladiness at the table. This also includes eating like they’re in the military, talking to friends on the phone (nothing could be more alienating), or talking about past relationships. Those are just a couple. Men, let’s make a deal. We eat more slowly, but the women must ditch the phones and the exs.