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We have started up a companion blog for men.  The Blog is designed to help men come up with easy and relatively affordable ways to make the woman in their life feel more special.  Check it out at Special Her!

Sincerely,
Kris & Laura

Start a Date Planner

Laura: “What do you want to do?”

Kris: “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Laura: “Do you want get something to eat?”

Kris: “Sure, where do you want to go?”

Laura: “I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

Kris: “Doesn’t matter to me…”

Laura’s Take: I know you’ve heard this conversation before. This is me and Kris nearly everytime we go out! We’ll sometimes even take up to an hour just to figure out what we’ll do for the rest of the day. Kris and I are both pretty organized and well-prepared people. When we couldn’t even decide on what to do for an afternoon, we decided that we needed to make a change.

So here’s what we did. We began writing a list of all the activities that we can do in our town, and I mean every activity, even the ones we probably wouldn’t do. Then we made another list of all the restaurants in the area and grouped them into categories according to price and cuisine. So now when we ask each other about what to do or where to eat, we can easily browse through all of our possible choices.

Kris and I have actually even take this one step further. We’ve completely planned out specific days from start til end. Not everyone can handle this kind of planning, but for Kris and I, it’s just what we needed. With our busy schedules, it’s hard to think of ideas off the top of your head. Planning things ahead of time takes a lot of stress off us and leaves us to just enjoy our time together.

Kris’ Take: I can’t count the number of times that we’ve had that conversation, but we’ve got everything pretty well planned out now so that we don’t need to even worry about what to do. Just look at the schedule and enjoy your day! It’s tough when you’re making the schedule because it can be somewhat tedious, but once it’s done it really makes the rest of your days so much easier. I even know what we’re doing tonight! It’s nice to know what to wear and what I’ll need to do. I highly suggest trying out this idea, especially if you have conversations like the one above!

Sharing Each Other’s Hobbies

Laura’s Take: Hobbies. Some of them are fun, and others, well, not so much… but the fact is that nearly everyone has one. When you’re in a serious relationship, it’s important to make an effort to share in your honey’s hobbies, whether it’s painting, collecting something, or taking pictures. Who knows, you might find out that you love collecting coins. That hasn’t really happened for me quite yet, but when Kris buys a new coin, I try to act interested. I’m just kidding of course. He loves sharing his hobby with me, and honestly, I love when he does. It’s nice being able to share our hobbies with each other. I don’t ever want to say, “Oh, that’s his thing.”

I don’t always like doing what Kris likes to do, but I still make an effort to seem interested. Why? Because when the time comes around for me to pick out that cute outfit for the his company’s Christmas party, I expect him to be anxiously waiting outside the dressing room. By the way, Kris doesn’t have a problem going shopping with me, but I know many men who can’t stand shopping with their women, so I thought it would be a suitable example.

Keep in mind that sharing in someone else’s hobby isn’t necessarily a game of give and take. Sometimes you learn to enjoy the hobby just as much as they do! I sometimes catch myself sifting through the change I get while shopping to see if there are any old coins that I think Kris might like.

When we think something is fun, cool, or interesting, we want to tell someone right? What if you absolutely loved playing piano… (as I do) and wanted to play a song for your sweety, but he or she didn’t care… Wouldn’t you be a little hurt? Now I’m not saying that they need to take up piano lessons, but just a mere “That was lovely Sweety,” could prove that they care about you and respect what’s important to you.

Kris’ Take:  Yes, this is very important.  It can be alienating when you feel like the person you love has absolutely no interest in your hobbies, and that’s why people should make an effort to share in it.  I collect coins, as you’ve probably gathered, and many people find that to be terribly boring.  I enjoy it because of all of the history behind them, and Laura understands that.  After all, it is pretty neat holding a coin that’s 125 years old, or even 2,000 years old!  It means a lot to me when I get a new coin and I can hurry up and show Laura my latest find; it’s like finding buried treasure.  It would make me sad if I rushed home to show Laura and all she said was “OK.  That’s boring.”

The same thing goes with shopping.  Now, I don’t hate shopping, but there are other things that I prefer doing sometimes.  This doesn’t change the fact that if Laura wants to hit up the mall, I go.  I don’t drag my feet either!  Many men will go just to appease, but they make it painfully obvious that they don’t want to be there.  This isn’t supportive, in fact it might be more damaging than not going at all.  Why should I take Laura somewhere that she really wants to be, then make it miserable for her?  It doesn’t make sense, and I would even call it an oxymoron.

It’s all about give and take.  Laura spends the time to listen to me about my hobbies, and I spend the time assisting her in her hobbies.  It can’t be one sided, or someone is losing out.  Relationships are about building each other up and growing together.  Segregating your hobbies from one another just makes time for the two of you to grow apart, and that seems contrary to the idea behind a relationship.

Date Map: Dinner, Shopping, Movie

Kris’ Take: Last night Laura and I had a little date night. We knew that we were going to go shopping, go to a movie, and go to dinner. We didn’t know where and in what order, but that’s what we knew. As we made our drive we originally were going to go to Olive Garden, but her and I are very much against doing the “same old, same old” so we decided to go to:

The Dinner

Smokey Bones Was great! Seating was courteous and immediate! They made a wonderful first impression when you walk in. The inside looks like a very classy log cabin with stone work and thick beams of natural wood everywhere. If you’re worried about kids, don’t worry. They have a little speaker box on the table that allows you to hear the sound from any of the many different televisions they have there. Once seated it did not take long for the waitress to greet us and present us with menus. She promptly asked for our drink order, two Cokes. After reading through the appetizers Laura and I decided on the cornbread with honey pecan butter.

For our entrees Laura and I decided upon their Top Sirloin steak. The waitress brought the entrees and everything looked wonderful, but this has happened to me before. Laura seemed to be enjoying her meal so I cut into my steak and I must say they did great! They cooked it perfectly, the taste was great, and not over or under seasoned. The check was only $41.00 which pales in comparison to many other steak houses I’ve patronized and left unhappy. The meal was very good, the service was great, and our glasses were never empty for too long, and that’s only if they got empty–Which I think happened once. All-in-all this is a restaurant I would visit again and recommend to friends.

The Shopping

We went to the local mall and went to a few stores. Nothing really all that interesting was going on here. Abercrombie was drenched in that horrible cologne as usual and phone salesmen were licking their chops at speaking with Laura and I, but we just kind of huddle up and keep talking and it doesn’t let them get a word in edgewise. Luckily dinner took up a majority of the time so we didn’t have to spend too much time shopping, or getting harassed by phone salesmen. The mall is very nice and has many stores but unless you’re looking for something this can get boring quickly.

The Movie

It breaks my heart to give Semi-Pro this rating, but the movie did not live up to its hype. Laura and I are huge, huge Will Ferrell fans, and this is one out of maybe two of his films that has disappointed us. The idea behind the film is: Jackie Moon is the owner, coach, and forward for a semi-pro basketball team called the Tropics. Soon he learns that the NBA will be absorbing some of the teams and dissolving the league. It is then left up to Jackie Moon to get the team into shape so they can be one of the four teams to be absorbed into the NBA. We went in with high hopes, but the movie fell flat in many areas, and like many other films–the funniest parts were highlighted in the movie’s trailer. We did see a promising preview of an upcoming Will Ferrell movie which we hope to be much better, but this movie had people walking out of the theater. I gave Will Ferrell the benefit of the doubt and finished the movie but it was weak throughout. It was filled with the standard Will Ferrell comedy style, which I warmly welcome, but it lacked any freshness and suffered from a very weak story line. Ultimately the night was okay, made best by the dinner and being with each other, but we were disappointed in the movie. Overall the highlight of my night was spending it with Laura, and I think that will always be my highlight.

Night out with my honey:

Everyone Likes Reassurance

Laura’s Take: It’s not that I have low self-esteem, but I love the frequent “I Love Yous” that Kris sends my way. Kris and I never let the other just assume the fact. Some people may disagree with this, saying that the frequent “I Love You” will eventually turn meaningless. Not the case. Reassuring someone about how you feel also helps them feel more secure in your relationship together, creating a more solid foundation that can withstand doubt. Meaningless?! “I Love You” is the most meaningful phrase you can say to someone, and when you love someone, why wouldn’t you want to tell them all the time?

Kris’ Take:  Yeah, I’ve heard those people too.  So while they’re being frugal with their “I Love Yous” I’ll make sure that Laura never rests her head on her pillow at night and wonders if I love her.  I’ve heard so many tragic stories where a person is quoted as saying “I never got to say I love you” or “I hope they knew that I loved them.”  Why leave it to chance?

Cheating Spouses: Love them or Leave them

Laura’s Take: Marriage is a holy union between two people and God, a union that is meant to stand the test of time. But God gave each and every one of us free will to make our own decisions, and sometimes we, as humans, don’t always make the best ones. Some bad decisions can have only a small impact on our lives, while others can completely change the rest of your life. How does a person cope with the knowledge that their husband or wife is having an affair? If you’re in this position, here are a few things to take into consideration.

• How did you find out? If you had to do your own snooping to find out, then the odds are that he or she wasn’t planning on ever telling you. If they confess without your snoopage, then they are most likely remorseful of their actions and wanted to be honest with you.
• Do you have any children? Sometimes couples that have experienced infidelity decide it’s better to remain in the relationship for the sake of the children. Children don’t like having parents who are constantly fighting, in fact, sometimes they’d actually prefer the divorce. Talk to your children and ask them how they feel about the issue. It’s not just about you and your spouse, it’s about the entire family.
• Do you want revenge? It’s a natural feeling to want to hurt the person who hurt you, but vengeful cheating will only hurt yourself. Having meaningless relations with another person will lower your self esteem and only make you feel worse. Try to get over your pain the hard way, lots of tissues and ice cream.
• Will they cheat again? Well it really just depends on the person, but my belief is if they’re willing to risk their marriage once, why not again? It’s like the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
• Can you ever trust them again? Well I can answer this one for you. No, you’ll never be fully able to trust them after there’s been infidelity. When he’s late coming home from work, you’ll wonder if there’s something still going on. I wouldn’t be able to deal with the constant paranoia.
• What do you want to do? There’s only two options, stay in the relationship or move on. Tell your spouse you need some time to think about what you want. Go away for a few days, and during those days, avoid talking to them, because they could try and persuade your opinion. They already made their decision, it’s time for you to make yours.

If you decide that you want to work things out, try going to a marriage counselor to talk about ways to deal with the situation. Counseling is one of the only ways to really be able to rebuild a relationship. If your spouse truly wants to work things out, there should be no fighting about going to the couple’s therapy. It’s so sad to hear when a couple is torn by infidelity. Please, don’t put yourself or your marriage in a compromising position by letting the world’s temptations get the best of you.

Kris’ Take: This is a very sad subject to tackle but unfortunately it’s a rampant problem. I completely agree with the counseling. I don’t think anybody involved in a situation like this is any kind of condition to try and repair the relationship. A counselor can be an invaluable tool that will allow you to make amends rather than just bury the hurt deep down inside. Chances are, if you decide to manage a cheating relationship just between the two of you, one of you is going to just be burying the hurt. A counselor will have the ability to bring out the emotions and arrive to the conclusions that would otherwise be overlooked, or considered too bothersome to face.

The best thing I can say about cheating in the first place is to prevent it. The reason cheating is so common is because people put themselves into situations where it can easily be accomplished. do you have a female colleague? Don’t go out to lunch with her, or do overnighters with her, or put yourself in any position where the two of you could be found alone. Not only will this help to prevent cheating, it will also prevent office rumors that can be just as equally damaging. Do you have a female friend? Don’t spend hours on the phone with her, and if you two are to hang out, bring your wife along. What will the two of you be doing that you couldn’t do with the woman that you supposedly will love until death do you part? Maybe she’d like to get out of the house or meet another female whom she can be friends with.

If you have a “look but don’t touch” attitude, get rid of it. All it takes is for one of those guys or girls that your day dreaming about to say hi and ask you to lunch, then it’s just a friendly lunch, right? Then he or she is giving you nice friendly compliments, friendly, right? Then you start noticing that your husband/wife doesn’t give you those nice compliments, that means this friend is better, right? They make you feel good so you should spend just a tad bit more time with them, right? But your husband/wife doesn’t need to know about these extra meetings, what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? The answer to all of those is no.

If it sounds like I’m being too strict, then that’s because I take relationships seriously. You must make sacrifices so it will work, and if you don’t think that’s the reality of it, then you’re willing to sacrifice your marriage for another relationship which still validates my point. You can’t be in the wrong place at the wrong time if you never went there to begin with.

Beautiful Day Out

Kris’ Take: We have so many great technologies; so much so that we stay inside, and we never leave! But I see, especially as of recently, that there are so many beautiful days passing us by. I can assure you that spending a beautiful day out with the person you love will feel so much better than staying inside. I endorse parks so heavily because they are serene, typically quiet, and the more people that go to parks the stronger conservation efforts will be when the time comes to determine whether the park should remain or be mowed down for a parking lot. Being in a calming and beautiful environment promotes a better feeling physically and mentally. This leads to better conversations and I think it would even help with tense situations. Being couped up inside with all of the artificial light and the stuffy air can only perpetuate sad or angry emotions and certainly does not promote a happy or good mental/physical disposition.

I highly suggest going on a nice walk or bike ride through a park, and just enjoy your time together in a beautiful place.

Unemployed Husband

Kris’ Take: So you go to work all day, and you come home to see your husband sitting on the couch, flipping through channels, and he didn’t really do anything around the house. If this sounds familiar then you’re not alone according to the United States Bureau of Labor Statistics. 6.5% of marriages in the United States are in a similar situation. There are advantages to one spouse staying home like keeping watch of the kids, or just keeping the house and yard nice and tidy, but you’re not reading this because of that. You’re probably reading this because the husband isn’t doing any of those things.

There has been a paradigm shift since women’s rights and suffrage, and many women don’t like it. I see searches for it all the time, but what can women do? Like any other problem you should sit down and talk about it. But before you do that, you need to find out what is really bothering you about it. Do you feel stressed, like the full work load is on you? Does it make you angry that ‘lazy bones’ gets to rest all day? Are you barely making your bills, or falling behind? Do you feel that it’s the man’s responsibility to go to work and for you to take are of the homefront? Are you annoyed that he’s not getting enough done around the house? This is important to consider because as soon as you sit down and let him know that you don’t like him working, he’s probably going to ask you why.

I’ve always been hugely motivated, and I don’t know many guys who could just sit at home while their wife brought in the income. But, if this is the guy you’ve got, then you’re going to need to work with it. If you’re falling behind in bills then that should be motivation enough, be honest with the financial climate of the household. If you’re just unhappy with the situation then that should be motivation enough for him to want to step up and help out in the marriage. If he doesn’t want to get a job, then you need to find out why. This situation can get so complicated so quickly because there are a lot of reasons that a man may not want to work. Some might include that he feels he doesn’t need to work because you make enough money, or that he feels he does enough around the house, or maybe he’s just completely lazy. Whatever the reason is; if it puts a strain on the marriage or your mental health, I would suggest seeking out a marriage counselor.

Friends with Benefits

Related Articles:
Work Husband & Work Wife
“I Love You” Ideas

Laura’s Take: This issue is becoming such an epidemic among the younger generations of today. Why does it seem that nearly every college student, male or female, has to play the field, “see what their options are,” or skip the dating process completely?

I saw a news story not more than a week ago, talking about students all across the nation, reversing the dating process. In fact, about 60% of all college students have had a “friend with benefits” relationship. What does this mean? Instead of dating someone to see if you want to take things to the next levels, marriage and intimacy, College students are skipping the first two steps and going straight to intimacy, where they then decide whether the other person is worth dating. This is a huge problem because it usually results in disappointment, regret, loneliness, and low self-esteem.

It may seem like a great deal, “no strings attached,” but there are always strings attached. Sex creates a bond between two people, it would be foolish to deny this, so how can you tell me that there’s no emotions involved? The fact is that people in this kind of arrangement will have an attachment for one another, almost like a pacifier to calm them. Had a bad day or something and need to unwind, who are probably going to turn to? When those strings start getting too tangled up, someone will cut them, leaving the other person out both a companion and a friend.

And what happens when you want to break away from the “friends with benefits” title and move into a real relationship with that person? Well if the person agreed to being just friends with benefits in the first place, they’re probably not aren’t looking for any form of commitment. Thus, you’re forced to choose between having just a friend with benefits relationship or being alone once again, which both choices leaves a person both disappointed and emotionally alone.

My advice to anyone considering starting a “friends with benefits” arrangement, is if you’re not looking for an actual relationship, keep your pants on, because it’s only going to give you more problems. If you can’t do that, you should probably seek out medical and psychological treatment to control your overactive hormones.

Kris’ Take: I know it was briefly glossed over but I’m going to dig a little deeper into the “what if you try to start a real relationship” aspect. Not only are you going to be starting a real relationship, but you need to end your old friends with benefits relationship also. I imagine that wouldn’t be so easy to do, after all, you’re only friends… right? Or wait, were you more than friends? It wouldn’t be fair to your new relationship to stay friends with this person. If you think it’s okay then you shouldn’t be entering into a real relationship because I can’t imagine your girlfriend being too thrilled that you’re friends with benefits is sticking around. And if you think keeping that aspect of your friendship a secret is a good idea, you really don’t need to be entering into a relationship!

People don’t enter a friends with benefits relationship to “find that special someone.” I don’t care how much they lie to themselves and others, people enter friends with benefits because they want sex, and they don’t want commitment. I’m not saying that any of these “friendships” haven’t lead to a relationship with the “friend,” but it’s not likely. If you’re engaged in a friends with benefits relationship on the pretenses that you’ll fall in love and run off into the sunset, then you’ve probably been lied to.  Just wait until marriage.

Top ways to show you love and care

Kris’ Take: This list is going to cover the top ways that I feel someone can demonstrate that they love and care for someone. This list will include simple and obvious things in theory, but sometimes these are the hardest things to remember to do.

1. Listen – This is one of those obvious but sometimes difficult things to do. Sometimes you just get lost in thought, but when the person you love is pouring their heart out it means a lot when you’re able to give them meaningful responses. It upsets me when I will be in conversation with Laura, and something happens around me that causes my attention to be diverted. It makes Laura feel less special. I like Laura to feel like she is the most special person in the world to me, and I can’t do that if I’m not listening properly.
2. Support – There’s a lot of crazy ideas out there, but if the one you love feels a need to do something (as long as it is morally correct) then you should give them your backing. It’s a terrible feeling when you have an idea that you believe in, but the person that you love makes you feel like you’re ridiculous or completely insane for thinking it. If it doesn’t pose some kind of disaster to the relationship or security of the family than give them the support they need to accomplish it. If there is a huge risk then it needs to be throughly discussed and weighed out. But whatever the idea, no matter how big or small, try to offer support because there are too many critics already.
3. Be Equal – Men want to be treated like men, true, we like to have the masculine roles in the relationship, but that doesn’t mean that anyone needs to be treated in an inferior manner. Just because the guy takes out the garbage and fixes the car doesn’t mean that there needs to be an inferior status it just means that he’s good at what he does and she’s good at what she does. A brain surgeon might be great at doing surgery but I don’t want him working on my car. A relationship includes having a mutual respect for the work that the other does.
4. Share – One thing that my parents did which I still don’t understand was they kept all money seperate, I guess this was an advantage once they got divorced. It’s okay to keep track of your finances but keeping them seperate creates a division in the relationship. By saying, “This is mine and that is yours” is kind of going against the idea of a marriage making two become one. And the only reason I can see people doing this is in preparation for divorce if that occurs. If you’re preparing for divorce, don’t get married. Some people might do it for accounting purposes, but it escapes me why the accounting can’t occur as a whole, it would make it easier that way anyways. It’s easier to look at one income and one outgoing rather than tracking two.
5. Team Work – Tackle tough tasks as a couple. While you’re at it, tackle the easy tasks as a team also. Laura and I wash the dishes together and she always thanks me and lets me know how much easier it makes it for her. And Laura will always help me with some of my extra work because she knows the work load that I’m currently handling is pretty big too. If we did this in everything then it might dramatically cut down on the stress one feels in a relationship. Support each other in the tasks that you might not be able to do together and use team work in the ones that you can help each other in. By doing the bare minimum in a relationship you’re ensuring that the one you supposedly love has to pick up the slack. By doing that little bit extra you can turn a mundane task into a nice conversation while taking ome of the work load. I like doing the dishes with Laura because we seem to always have nice conversations while we do it.