10 Ways to Catch a Cheater

Laura’s Take: Sometimes you just have that intuition that something’s going on and you need to find out what! Snooping is almost a necessary action in this case, but it can be quite difficult to snoop till your heart’s content while still being discrete. It’s important to make sure that your snooping isn’t visible. Why? Two reasons… 1. Because when he or she knows that you’re a doubting Thomas, if there’s something they’re trying to hide, they’ll have the time to. And 2. If they’re not cheating and find out you don’t trust them, there could be some serious relationship troubles to follow. Here are a few ideas that will hopefully give you the piece of mind you’re looking for.

1. Check their cell phone. Sometimes a very difficult task, especially when it seems like they can’t be apart from that thing for a minute! But when they finally put it down, browse through it… all of it… Numbers, Recent Calls, Messages, Texts, Events, and Pictures.
2. Go through their computer. Usually e-mail programs are only accessible on the user’s computer, so when you’ve got the chance, turn their computer on and start reading! Also, check their browsing history to see what they’ve been up to.
3. Log onto their myspace. Or whatever social network they might be on. If you don’t think they have one, think again. With over 300 million accounts on myspace alone, odds of them hiding one is pretty high.
4. Sneak through their dirty laundry. It’s called dirty laundry for a reason. Look through your spouse’s clothing, looking for stains, like the infamous kiss on the collar image shown above. Also check for unusual smells that may be unfamiliar to you, like a different kind of perfume or cologne.
5. Monitor their schedules. Try monitoring how long it takes him or her to get to work and home. If the times aren’t adding up, ask them why. If they hesitate or answer with “Bad Traffic,” check the local traffic report because there could be something funny going on.
6. Follow them around. Still not happy? Follow them! It’s definitely at the top of the snooping list, but should certainly give you some of the answers you desire.
7. Call them while you’re watching. Even though you know what their doing, call and ask them what they’re doing. If they’re lying to you, you’ll know right off the bat!
8. Go through their car. A person’s car tells a lot about them and their daily habits. You may come across a lipstick that’s not yours, empty food or drink containers (for more than one person), or even love letters that you didn’t write.
9. Watch and Listen carefully. This way, their incriminating themselves. Pay attention to changes in appearance, like clothing styles or grooming habits, as well as characteristic changes, new thoughts/ideas/techniques, and different interests, because they all could be a sign on a cheater.
10. Check financial statements. Bills, bank statements, and credit card statements can all have some pretty interesting info in them. Look at what purchases they’ve made recently. Do they involve mysterious dinners you didn’t eat, fancy lingerie you never saw, or hotel rooms you didn’t stay in? I know someone personally who discovered a cheater by these means.

Friends with Benefits

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Laura’s Take: This issue is becoming such an epidemic among the younger generations of today. Why does it seem that nearly every college student, male or female, has to play the field, “see what their options are,” or skip the dating process completely?

I saw a news story not more than a week ago, talking about students all across the nation, reversing the dating process. In fact, about 60% of all college students have had a “friend with benefits” relationship. What does this mean? Instead of dating someone to see if you want to take things to the next levels, marriage and intimacy, College students are skipping the first two steps and going straight to intimacy, where they then decide whether the other person is worth dating. This is a huge problem because it usually results in disappointment, regret, loneliness, and low self-esteem.

It may seem like a great deal, “no strings attached,” but there are always strings attached. Sex creates a bond between two people, it would be foolish to deny this, so how can you tell me that there’s no emotions involved? The fact is that people in this kind of arrangement will have an attachment for one another, almost like a pacifier to calm them. Had a bad day or something and need to unwind, who are probably going to turn to? When those strings start getting too tangled up, someone will cut them, leaving the other person out both a companion and a friend.

And what happens when you want to break away from the “friends with benefits” title and move into a real relationship with that person? Well if the person agreed to being just friends with benefits in the first place, they’re probably not aren’t looking for any form of commitment. Thus, you’re forced to choose between having just a friend with benefits relationship or being alone once again, which both choices leaves a person both disappointed and emotionally alone.

My advice to anyone considering starting a “friends with benefits” arrangement, is if you’re not looking for an actual relationship, keep your pants on, because it’s only going to give you more problems. If you can’t do that, you should probably seek out medical and psychological treatment to control your overactive hormones.

Kris’ Take: I know it was briefly glossed over but I’m going to dig a little deeper into the “what if you try to start a real relationship” aspect. Not only are you going to be starting a real relationship, but you need to end your old friends with benefits relationship also. I imagine that wouldn’t be so easy to do, after all, you’re only friends… right? Or wait, were you more than friends? It wouldn’t be fair to your new relationship to stay friends with this person. If you think it’s okay then you shouldn’t be entering into a real relationship because I can’t imagine your girlfriend being too thrilled that you’re friends with benefits is sticking around. And if you think keeping that aspect of your friendship a secret is a good idea, you really don’t need to be entering into a relationship!

People don’t enter a friends with benefits relationship to “find that special someone.” I don’t care how much they lie to themselves and others, people enter friends with benefits because they want sex, and they don’t want commitment. I’m not saying that any of these “friendships” haven’t lead to a relationship with the “friend,” but it’s not likely. If you’re engaged in a friends with benefits relationship on the pretenses that you’ll fall in love and run off into the sunset, then you’ve probably been lied to.  Just wait until marriage.

Is it Better to Wait?

Laura’s Take: Controversial topic, I know… but it’s an important one. Waiting to have sex til marriage is something that can be very beneficial for serious couples. Many people claim that sex is the most crucial part of a relationship. This statement can’t be further from the truth. If a new couple spend all their time together in the bedroom, they’re not giving themselves the opportunity to get to know each other. How can you know if you truly love someone if you never take the time to learn about them? When sex is not involved, it allows a couple to focus on things that are more important for a relationship, like learning about each other’s personal philosophies, knowing and loving each other’s personalities, and caring about each other’s hopes and dreams and trying to help reach them. When you finally realize that you love someone with all your heart, make it official and get married before family, friends, and God. You have the rest of your life to spend intimate time with someone, why not make sure it’s the right someone.

Kris’ Take: I know most of our readers will probably be surprised, but I couldn’t agree more. I’ve seen so many times that these girls think that if they give the guy what he wants then he might like her more. This happens especially with teenage girls who are just really confused as to what relationships are really about. All they see on T.V. is sex and divorce, so then they think that relationships are about sex, and once they start fighting too much they are supposed to divorce and move on to the next guy. The truth is that the relationship should be formed before anything physical is involved. It’s the only way to possibly know that your guy will be there the next day. Get to know each other, do some activities together.

Find out each other’s pet peeves and habits. The more you know about each other the better the decision you can make. I know this all might sound old fashioned but here’s something for you to think about. Today, the divorce rate is at 50%. That means out of every two marriages, one will become divorced. That means lengthy legal fights, and you may end up dragging your poor innocent kids into the mix. I am the product of a broken home, and my parents tried very hard to keep us out of it, but it’s impossible. They still fight over us for the holidays. So if the divorce rate is horrible now, then I think it’s time people return to our old fashioned ways. From the mid 1900s and earlier you never heard of a 50% divorce rate! Why fix what wasn’t broken?

Wait until marriage. Guys won’t like you more if you’re giving it up. You’ll think they are, but they’ll actually be liking something else. Form the relationship first. If a guy can’t make it without it, then it might be time to find a guy who’s more accommodating to your needs.