Is It Wrong To Have Friends Of The Opposite Sex?

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• Work Husband & Work Wife

Is It Wrong To Have Friends Of The Opposite Sex?

With so many politicians getting caught with their pants down, many people might wonder:  Is it wrong to be friends with someone of the opposite sex?  It is a heated debate that has people fighting on both sides of the line.  Often accusations of trust and control issues are spit forth like bullets from a Tommy Gun, but let’s not be so hasty.  There are people who vehemently oppose the idea of men and women being friends, and there are people that support it.  But who is right?  While it may seem to simplistic to chock it up to “what you feel is right.”  It, unfortunately, almost always comes down to that.

To look at it more objectively, a relationship that avoids each member having friends of the opposite sex will most likely have less a chance of infidelity just for the sole reason of a lack of options.  Laura and I opt to not have friends of the opposite sex.  We don’t do this because we pressure each other, but out of respect to one another.  I would never want Laura to wonder what I’m doing and I know she wouldn’t want me wondering either.  Many might suggest that this is a sign of mistrust, but I beg to differ.  It is within humans nature to reason, and to postulate on things happening.  How often do we try to predict the end of a movie?  It is simply how we work.

It is no different in real life either.  The mind wanders and it’s by no fault of our own.  This can be stopped by simply avoiding the subject to begin with.  I do not feel that I have lost out on anything by not maintaining friendships with females, and Laura has expressed the same belief as well.  But as I stated earlier, it is up to the people involved as to what situation suits the relationship best.  We just chose the road that we felt to be easiest.

Welcome Our New Friend

We have started up a companion blog for men.  The Blog is designed to help men come up with easy and relatively affordable ways to make the woman in their life feel more special.  Check it out at Special Her!

Sincerely,
Kris & Laura

Start a Date Planner

Laura: “What do you want to do?”

Kris: “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Laura: “Do you want get something to eat?”

Kris: “Sure, where do you want to go?”

Laura: “I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

Kris: “Doesn’t matter to me…”

Laura’s Take: I know you’ve heard this conversation before. This is me and Kris nearly everytime we go out! We’ll sometimes even take up to an hour just to figure out what we’ll do for the rest of the day. Kris and I are both pretty organized and well-prepared people. When we couldn’t even decide on what to do for an afternoon, we decided that we needed to make a change.

So here’s what we did. We began writing a list of all the activities that we can do in our town, and I mean every activity, even the ones we probably wouldn’t do. Then we made another list of all the restaurants in the area and grouped them into categories according to price and cuisine. So now when we ask each other about what to do or where to eat, we can easily browse through all of our possible choices.

Kris and I have actually even take this one step further. We’ve completely planned out specific days from start til end. Not everyone can handle this kind of planning, but for Kris and I, it’s just what we needed. With our busy schedules, it’s hard to think of ideas off the top of your head. Planning things ahead of time takes a lot of stress off us and leaves us to just enjoy our time together.

Kris’ Take: I can’t count the number of times that we’ve had that conversation, but we’ve got everything pretty well planned out now so that we don’t need to even worry about what to do. Just look at the schedule and enjoy your day! It’s tough when you’re making the schedule because it can be somewhat tedious, but once it’s done it really makes the rest of your days so much easier. I even know what we’re doing tonight! It’s nice to know what to wear and what I’ll need to do. I highly suggest trying out this idea, especially if you have conversations like the one above!

10 Ways to Catch a Cheater

Laura’s Take: Sometimes you just have that intuition that something’s going on and you need to find out what! Snooping is almost a necessary action in this case, but it can be quite difficult to snoop till your heart’s content while still being discrete. It’s important to make sure that your snooping isn’t visible. Why? Two reasons… 1. Because when he or she knows that you’re a doubting Thomas, if there’s something they’re trying to hide, they’ll have the time to. And 2. If they’re not cheating and find out you don’t trust them, there could be some serious relationship troubles to follow. Here are a few ideas that will hopefully give you the piece of mind you’re looking for.

1. Check their cell phone. Sometimes a very difficult task, especially when it seems like they can’t be apart from that thing for a minute! But when they finally put it down, browse through it… all of it… Numbers, Recent Calls, Messages, Texts, Events, and Pictures.
2. Go through their computer. Usually e-mail programs are only accessible on the user’s computer, so when you’ve got the chance, turn their computer on and start reading! Also, check their browsing history to see what they’ve been up to.
3. Log onto their myspace. Or whatever social network they might be on. If you don’t think they have one, think again. With over 300 million accounts on myspace alone, odds of them hiding one is pretty high.
4. Sneak through their dirty laundry. It’s called dirty laundry for a reason. Look through your spouse’s clothing, looking for stains, like the infamous kiss on the collar image shown above. Also check for unusual smells that may be unfamiliar to you, like a different kind of perfume or cologne.
5. Monitor their schedules. Try monitoring how long it takes him or her to get to work and home. If the times aren’t adding up, ask them why. If they hesitate or answer with “Bad Traffic,” check the local traffic report because there could be something funny going on.
6. Follow them around. Still not happy? Follow them! It’s definitely at the top of the snooping list, but should certainly give you some of the answers you desire.
7. Call them while you’re watching. Even though you know what their doing, call and ask them what they’re doing. If they’re lying to you, you’ll know right off the bat!
8. Go through their car. A person’s car tells a lot about them and their daily habits. You may come across a lipstick that’s not yours, empty food or drink containers (for more than one person), or even love letters that you didn’t write.
9. Watch and Listen carefully. This way, their incriminating themselves. Pay attention to changes in appearance, like clothing styles or grooming habits, as well as characteristic changes, new thoughts/ideas/techniques, and different interests, because they all could be a sign on a cheater.
10. Check financial statements. Bills, bank statements, and credit card statements can all have some pretty interesting info in them. Look at what purchases they’ve made recently. Do they involve mysterious dinners you didn’t eat, fancy lingerie you never saw, or hotel rooms you didn’t stay in? I know someone personally who discovered a cheater by these means.

Writing Love Notes

Kris’ Take: I’m not going to give you a poem to write, but I will give some tips because Laura and I leave little notes for one another often. Depending on the reason, you may or may not want to write a long, enthralled note. A lot of the information depends on how your significant other feels about reading. I like when Laura writes me long detailed notes but other people might prefer less reading. What ever you do, make sure you express your emotion, and be creative. A note that says I love you is nice and it might be enough to put a smile on their face (It should be at least!). You might want to elaborate how much you love them:

Serious: I love you with all of my heart (I know, a little cliche, but I used it to get my idea across.)

Poetic: I love you from the depths of the ocean to the stars in the sky.

Funny / Creative / Awkward: I love you with the passion of a thousand suns.

No matter what you write, notes are great because they always say something else; that you were thinking about them. That’s probably the most meaningful part of the whole thing. It’s very warming when I find a note that Laura hid because I don’t expect it, and it tells me that she’s thinking of me. I know that Laura thinks of me, but having something like that happen just makes you feel good, and there’s no denying it.

Laura’s Take: I completely agree with you, notes are a great way to let the person you love, know how you feel about them. Some people have a hard time telling someone how they feel in person, and writing notes is a helpful alternative which still gets the point across.

I love hiding notes for Kris. The only problem is I’m very impatient and I want him to find the notes right away so I can hear his response. It’s so much fun finding a cute note from your significant other, especially when you’re not expecting it. When he finally finds it, it puts an instant smile on his face!

My favorite note Kris ever wrote me was from about a year ago. I guess he would put under the “Funny/Creative/Awkward” category. It’s kind of hard to describe, but I’ll do my best. He described things that really love other things, but the love he has for me is even greater than that. Ok, example: “I love you more than Pop-eye loves Spinach.” It was so cute and clever that I keep it in a little box of all the cute stuff he’s given me.

Online Dating: Do’s and Dont’s

Laura’s Take: It’s amazing how many commercials I see for eHarmony, the famous online dating site. Nearly everyday I hear about how they just filled out this quick profile and Boom! Instant Love! Well it’s not quite that simple. So here’s 10 online dating do’s and dont’s that may not guarantee love, but can sure help you find it.

1. Do take time filling out any tests or surveys the site may have for you. Take every test seriously, or no man or woman will take you seriously.
2. Don’t talk about any previous relationship on your profile. This may seem like an obvious one, but you’d be surprised with how many people skip over it.
3. Do write something funny. No matter if you’re a man or a woman, you love a good laugh. Put a good, clean joke in your profile to give any potential dates something to smile at.
4. Don’t come off too strong. Asking to meet before you’ve even talked will just make you look creepy and needy. Be patient. All goods things come to those who wait.
5. Do write about what’s most important to you, whether it’s religious beliefs, family, or career. This will give potential daters very crucial information about you.
6. Don’t put up pictures that are deceiving. Everyone has their good pictures, but make sure they look like you. You don’t want a potential date to think you’re something you’re not.
7. Do talk and act like a gentleman or a lady. Cursing on your profile isn’t going to send the right messages about you and will only attract the wrong kinds of people.
8. Don’t be dishonest. We all want to make a good impression, but what happens when you find the love of your life and you have to tell them you’ve been lying this whole time?
9. Do be open-minded about who you date. Focus on what’s on the inside. Try to remember that everyone has their flaws and you’re no better than they are.
10. Don’t worry so much about it! All you have to do is be yourself and you’ll find the one you’re looking for, whether it’s through the internet or not.

Kris’ Take:  Well, Laura pretty well covered it but I’ll just put up some common mistakes that I’ve seen, some may overlap with what Laura said but it’s important to remember.

1. The pictures are huge!  It’s so easy to put up a misleading picture, but it’s much harder and awkward when you get that first look, and the rest of the date is plagued by awkward silence and hesitant conversation.
2. Be straight forward with everything, including religion.  Some people think that it might be rude to discuss religion.  When it comes to dating it’s not.  Remember:  You may have a family someday and that means celebrating holidays.  If you think it’s not an important subject because you’re not even sure if this is the person you’ll end up with then you need not be dating.  The purpose of dating is to find the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with.  Any other reason will most likely result in disaster.
3. Laura made a great point with being open minded.  It’s absolutely vital that you be open minded in dating.  No matter who you find you’re bound to not like some things, so don’t get hung up on them.  If you don’t like the way they look, maybe they have a fantastic personality that will help you grow as a person, and looks can always be fixed (No, I’m not endorsing plastic surgery, I’m completely against it!).  Outfits can be changed, hair can be cut, and piercings can be removed.  If the person has a terrible personality, I’d suggest running, that probably won’t get fixed unless the person truly wants to change.
4. And I think the most important thing that Laura covered is to not worry about it.  There are billions of people in this world, literally!  You’re bound to find a good person.  Will it be Mr. or Ms. Perfect?  Probably not, because most people have a convoluted idea of who they want in their life.  If you meet a nice person, and you decide they aren’t for you, you should evaluate your reasoning.  If they just don’t fit, that’s fine, but if it’s because of a couple of flaws, then you need to re-evaluate your character.  You need to realize that all people have flaws and try and pick out the good qualities.  If you can start seeing people in a different light, a whole new world of possibilities opens.

Work Husband and Work Wife

Related Articles:
10 Ways To Catch A Cheater
Love Isn’t Blind
How To Be A Better Husband

Kris’ Take: I used to watch these sitcom television shows where people would talk about work husbands and work wives. I thought this was completely fake until I heard some people at my job talking about it. If you don’t know, a work husband or work wife is pretty much the title one receives when they spend too much time at work with someone of the opposite sex. So, Joe is married and he spends ten hours a day at work pouring over a project. He also has a partner that helps him named Jane. Jane and Joe know everything about each other because they spend 10 hours a day together. They’re very friendly and Joe feels more confident confiding in Jane then he does his own wife. Once he gets home, he has some dinner and heads off to bed with barely a word to his wife, just some generic conversation “how was your day?” “Fine, how was yours?” This would most definitely be considered a work husband/wife scenario. This kind of relationship is fine if you’re single, but from my viewpoint, completely inexcusable if you’re married.

I know that you’re bound to forge relationships when you work, but when it starts destroying your true relationships, then it’s time to draw some lines. How can this be done? Stop sharing every little thing with the person at work; Plain and simple. This person doesn’t need to know about your marriage problems. If you have marriage problems that need to be talked out, then bring it to your wife, or a marriage counselor. By talking about marriage problems with another woman, you’re pretty much yelling “I’m unhappy, do you want to make me feel better?” And I’m sure sometimes this is the person’s underlying intentions without even realizing it.

If possible, change project partners. If you’re able to get a man instead of a woman, or vice versa, then do it. Why tempt yourself? In this world of political correctness, segregation is so highly spoken against. “Women can do what men can do.” That’s correct, and I believe it to be completely true, but that doesn’t change the fact that by working with each other you can create a temptation. I’m not blaming women for this, I’m just saying this happens normally without anyone really noticing. Think about how you met your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend. If it started out as a friendship, then it was probably pretty platonic in the beginning. And that changed after spending time together. People think that merely controlling your “sexual tension” is enough; No, it’s not, there shouldn’t be sexual tension at work. It’s work. The only sexual tension that should be controlled is the tension that you have for your husband or wife because you’ve been apart for 8 – 10 hours. If you have any other kind of tension, you need to request a new partner or team, and you need to let your husband or wife know so you can fix it before it becomes a real problem.

Infidelity runs rampant through relationships, and it is so terribly sad to see. These people that pledge to love each other for sicknesss or health, richer or poorer, and yet our divorce rate is 50%! 1 out of every 2 marriages fail in America, and every one of those marriages took the same pledge. There’s no reason except for people’s selfish ways. It may sound extreme what I suggest, but no job is worth a marriage. When you take that oath, you better be willing to live under a bridge and stay faithful rather than have a billion dollars and fail them.

Laura’s Take: I’m not too familiar with these terms, but I definitely agree with you, Kris, that people shouldn’t put themselves in such compromising positions with coworkers. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if my husband was closer to someone else at work than with me. If you can’t completely keep the promises you’ve made to your husband or wife, then you should seriously think about what you’re doing to your life.

Kris’ Take:  Don’t worry honey, you’ll never have to hear these words from my mouth.

Valentine’s Day Tips

Laura’s Take: So we’re less than a month away and I’m sure you all aren’t scrambling yet, but time is a tickin’. Here’s just a few helpful tips that can really make an impression this Valentine’s Day.

Gift Giving:

Flowers and candy are traditional, but are also a bit of a cliché now a days. I’m not trying to say that flowers and candy aren’t a good idea. If you think she’s expecting them, then don’t try skipping them. I just think that instead of buying her something that’ll disappear in a few days, get her something that’ll last. If you’re a new couple, try a cute heart picture frame with a picture of the two of you. It’s a sweet memento that he or she can put in their room and see everyday. It’s fun to look back at old photos of when Kris and I started dating. If you’ve been dating awhile, try something a little more elaborate, such as an engraved picture frame, heart shaped bracelet, or even a ring… ~wink wink~ If you still want to be traditional and give her something to stimulate her sweet tooth, try making it yourself! It’s always nice to see a man who’s willing to bake for his woman!

Valentines:

Remember growing up and handing out Snoopy Valentines to everyone in your second grade class? They’re nice for 9 year olds, but not for a date. Buy a nice card (Hallmark) and write something sweet in it. If you really want to make an impression, make your own old fashioned Valentine. If you’re going to make your own Valentine, make sure you don’t skimp on any materials and take your time and really put some effort into it. If you work hard on it, it’ll show.

Dinner:

Obviously you don’t want to take your Valentine out for pizza, unless of course you know a classy pizza place. (Good Luck with that) My suggestion is that you find a nice restaurant with a romantic ambiance. When you’re seated, go straight to the dessert menu and have dessert before your dinner. After all, sometimes you’re too full to even get to dessert. (Something my mom taught me) Want to go a different route, make dinner! Find a nice recipe for two and set up the table with plenty of candles. Making dinner for your sweetheart is a great way to show them just how much you love them!

Kris’ Take: Now because this holiday is meant for our princesses it’s impossible for me to refute anything that Laura has said. I’d tell you what I’m planing on doing but then Laura wouldn’t be all that surprised So gentlemen, listen to any hints she might be dropping, and if you’re not getting any hints, listen to what Laura said, she gives good advice!