10 Ways to Catch a Cheater

Laura’s Take: Sometimes you just have that intuition that something’s going on and you need to find out what! Snooping is almost a necessary action in this case, but it can be quite difficult to snoop till your heart’s content while still being discrete. It’s important to make sure that your snooping isn’t visible. Why? Two reasons… 1. Because when he or she knows that you’re a doubting Thomas, if there’s something they’re trying to hide, they’ll have the time to. And 2. If they’re not cheating and find out you don’t trust them, there could be some serious relationship troubles to follow. Here are a few ideas that will hopefully give you the piece of mind you’re looking for.

1. Check their cell phone. Sometimes a very difficult task, especially when it seems like they can’t be apart from that thing for a minute! But when they finally put it down, browse through it… all of it… Numbers, Recent Calls, Messages, Texts, Events, and Pictures.
2. Go through their computer. Usually e-mail programs are only accessible on the user’s computer, so when you’ve got the chance, turn their computer on and start reading! Also, check their browsing history to see what they’ve been up to.
3. Log onto their myspace. Or whatever social network they might be on. If you don’t think they have one, think again. With over 300 million accounts on myspace alone, odds of them hiding one is pretty high.
4. Sneak through their dirty laundry. It’s called dirty laundry for a reason. Look through your spouse’s clothing, looking for stains, like the infamous kiss on the collar image shown above. Also check for unusual smells that may be unfamiliar to you, like a different kind of perfume or cologne.
5. Monitor their schedules. Try monitoring how long it takes him or her to get to work and home. If the times aren’t adding up, ask them why. If they hesitate or answer with “Bad Traffic,” check the local traffic report because there could be something funny going on.
6. Follow them around. Still not happy? Follow them! It’s definitely at the top of the snooping list, but should certainly give you some of the answers you desire.
7. Call them while you’re watching. Even though you know what their doing, call and ask them what they’re doing. If they’re lying to you, you’ll know right off the bat!
8. Go through their car. A person’s car tells a lot about them and their daily habits. You may come across a lipstick that’s not yours, empty food or drink containers (for more than one person), or even love letters that you didn’t write.
9. Watch and Listen carefully. This way, their incriminating themselves. Pay attention to changes in appearance, like clothing styles or grooming habits, as well as characteristic changes, new thoughts/ideas/techniques, and different interests, because they all could be a sign on a cheater.
10. Check financial statements. Bills, bank statements, and credit card statements can all have some pretty interesting info in them. Look at what purchases they’ve made recently. Do they involve mysterious dinners you didn’t eat, fancy lingerie you never saw, or hotel rooms you didn’t stay in? I know someone personally who discovered a cheater by these means.

Cheating Spouses: Love them or Leave them

Laura’s Take: Marriage is a holy union between two people and God, a union that is meant to stand the test of time. But God gave each and every one of us free will to make our own decisions, and sometimes we, as humans, don’t always make the best ones. Some bad decisions can have only a small impact on our lives, while others can completely change the rest of your life. How does a person cope with the knowledge that their husband or wife is having an affair? If you’re in this position, here are a few things to take into consideration.

• How did you find out? If you had to do your own snooping to find out, then the odds are that he or she wasn’t planning on ever telling you. If they confess without your snoopage, then they are most likely remorseful of their actions and wanted to be honest with you.
• Do you have any children? Sometimes couples that have experienced infidelity decide it’s better to remain in the relationship for the sake of the children. Children don’t like having parents who are constantly fighting, in fact, sometimes they’d actually prefer the divorce. Talk to your children and ask them how they feel about the issue. It’s not just about you and your spouse, it’s about the entire family.
• Do you want revenge? It’s a natural feeling to want to hurt the person who hurt you, but vengeful cheating will only hurt yourself. Having meaningless relations with another person will lower your self esteem and only make you feel worse. Try to get over your pain the hard way, lots of tissues and ice cream.
• Will they cheat again? Well it really just depends on the person, but my belief is if they’re willing to risk their marriage once, why not again? It’s like the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
• Can you ever trust them again? Well I can answer this one for you. No, you’ll never be fully able to trust them after there’s been infidelity. When he’s late coming home from work, you’ll wonder if there’s something still going on. I wouldn’t be able to deal with the constant paranoia.
• What do you want to do? There’s only two options, stay in the relationship or move on. Tell your spouse you need some time to think about what you want. Go away for a few days, and during those days, avoid talking to them, because they could try and persuade your opinion. They already made their decision, it’s time for you to make yours.

If you decide that you want to work things out, try going to a marriage counselor to talk about ways to deal with the situation. Counseling is one of the only ways to really be able to rebuild a relationship. If your spouse truly wants to work things out, there should be no fighting about going to the couple’s therapy. It’s so sad to hear when a couple is torn by infidelity. Please, don’t put yourself or your marriage in a compromising position by letting the world’s temptations get the best of you.

Kris’ Take: This is a very sad subject to tackle but unfortunately it’s a rampant problem. I completely agree with the counseling. I don’t think anybody involved in a situation like this is any kind of condition to try and repair the relationship. A counselor can be an invaluable tool that will allow you to make amends rather than just bury the hurt deep down inside. Chances are, if you decide to manage a cheating relationship just between the two of you, one of you is going to just be burying the hurt. A counselor will have the ability to bring out the emotions and arrive to the conclusions that would otherwise be overlooked, or considered too bothersome to face.

The best thing I can say about cheating in the first place is to prevent it. The reason cheating is so common is because people put themselves into situations where it can easily be accomplished. do you have a female colleague? Don’t go out to lunch with her, or do overnighters with her, or put yourself in any position where the two of you could be found alone. Not only will this help to prevent cheating, it will also prevent office rumors that can be just as equally damaging. Do you have a female friend? Don’t spend hours on the phone with her, and if you two are to hang out, bring your wife along. What will the two of you be doing that you couldn’t do with the woman that you supposedly will love until death do you part? Maybe she’d like to get out of the house or meet another female whom she can be friends with.

If you have a “look but don’t touch” attitude, get rid of it. All it takes is for one of those guys or girls that your day dreaming about to say hi and ask you to lunch, then it’s just a friendly lunch, right? Then he or she is giving you nice friendly compliments, friendly, right? Then you start noticing that your husband/wife doesn’t give you those nice compliments, that means this friend is better, right? They make you feel good so you should spend just a tad bit more time with them, right? But your husband/wife doesn’t need to know about these extra meetings, what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? The answer to all of those is no.

If it sounds like I’m being too strict, then that’s because I take relationships seriously. You must make sacrifices so it will work, and if you don’t think that’s the reality of it, then you’re willing to sacrifice your marriage for another relationship which still validates my point. You can’t be in the wrong place at the wrong time if you never went there to begin with.

Unemployed Husband

Kris’ Take: So you go to work all day, and you come home to see your husband sitting on the couch, flipping through channels, and he didn’t really do anything around the house. If this sounds familiar then you’re not alone according to the United States Bureau of Labor Statistics. 6.5% of marriages in the United States are in a similar situation. There are advantages to one spouse staying home like keeping watch of the kids, or just keeping the house and yard nice and tidy, but you’re not reading this because of that. You’re probably reading this because the husband isn’t doing any of those things.

There has been a paradigm shift since women’s rights and suffrage, and many women don’t like it. I see searches for it all the time, but what can women do? Like any other problem you should sit down and talk about it. But before you do that, you need to find out what is really bothering you about it. Do you feel stressed, like the full work load is on you? Does it make you angry that ‘lazy bones’ gets to rest all day? Are you barely making your bills, or falling behind? Do you feel that it’s the man’s responsibility to go to work and for you to take are of the homefront? Are you annoyed that he’s not getting enough done around the house? This is important to consider because as soon as you sit down and let him know that you don’t like him working, he’s probably going to ask you why.

I’ve always been hugely motivated, and I don’t know many guys who could just sit at home while their wife brought in the income. But, if this is the guy you’ve got, then you’re going to need to work with it. If you’re falling behind in bills then that should be motivation enough, be honest with the financial climate of the household. If you’re just unhappy with the situation then that should be motivation enough for him to want to step up and help out in the marriage. If he doesn’t want to get a job, then you need to find out why. This situation can get so complicated so quickly because there are a lot of reasons that a man may not want to work. Some might include that he feels he doesn’t need to work because you make enough money, or that he feels he does enough around the house, or maybe he’s just completely lazy. Whatever the reason is; if it puts a strain on the marriage or your mental health, I would suggest seeking out a marriage counselor.

Falling Out Of Love

Laura’s Take: The other day I was browsing through Yahoo! answers and came across a question entitled, “Falling out of love.” Through reading further, I found out that this woman has been married for 7 years and met someone else. She gets butterflies from this other man, butterflies that her husband gave her only 6 years prior. Her question was, if she can feel this way about another man, how can she stay in her marriage if she’s no longer in love with her husband.

Now to answer this question. First off, Please Please Please don’t confuse the butterfly feeling with love! The butterfly feeling doesn’t mean you’re in love with someone else or that you’re no longer in love with the one you’re currently with. The butterfly feeling is only a mere sign of something new, interesting, or different, which tends to make a person feel excited or nervous. So you’re about to go to the Endodontist to have a root canal done and you feel those butterflies fluttering around in the pit of your stomach. I don’t think it’s because you’re in love with your Endodontist, it’s probably just because you’re apprehensive about the procedure. The point is, butterflies do not mean love!

Secondly, if you’re married, what are you doing looking around for other men?! This is a BIG problem these days. People today, think it’s fine that you keep to the motto, “You can look, but don’t touch.” Who are you kidding? The people who stick to this motto are going to be the same ones who end up alone. By sticking to this phrase, they’re only putting themselves into temptation’s way and are just trying to justify their actions. For someone to be in a relationship and still looking for others, it can only mean that they’re not getting the attention they need from their current spouse. (See: Undivided Attention!)

Time to talk to the hubby. If you’re not feeling that spark anymore, you need to have a serious conversation with him. I know it’ll be hard, but tell him exactly how you feel. After 7 years, things are bound to become a little routine and boring, but you need to remember why you married him in the first place! Remember all the important moments you’ve had together… like when he asked you to marry him, when you got married, when you had your first child. Honestly, do you really want to just throw all of that away? Of course not! Talk about the things he used to do that you loved and now miss and vice versa. You may even find out that something you used to do is missed as well. Don’t have a defeatist attitude about your relationship. There’s always something you can do to save it.

So what can you do?
Try a second honeymoon. It’s a great way to think back on your relationship and quenches your desire for something new, interesting, and different. Marriage counseling is another good alternative because it really gives you the opportunity to tell each other how you’re feeling. Start going on a weekly date, just like you did before you had kids. Get a babysitter for the night and put the focus back on your relationship with your husband!

Kris’ Take: I agree, it’s truly a shame to see things like this occur. I call this “The grass is always greener” syndrome. People always think that “the grass is always greener on the other side.” Please, don’t ever believe this to be true. Be happy and proud that you have a marriage that has lasted 7 years faithfully! In America, as I’ve stated before, 50% of marriages fail, so it’s an achievement to be past that statistic! And you’re going to throw it away because of some butterflies? Please! I’ve gotten butterflies from seeing a stack of pancakes because I was so hungry. That doesn’t mean Laura should worry about me and Mrs. Butterworth running off into the sunset!

Of course she’s bored, she’s been married seven years and she probably does the same things day in and day out. We live in such a jaded society where we take our lives and safety for granted. This allows us to become bored and lethargic, and think that we’re owed some sort of everyday adventure. This woman has been given something better, a loving, faithful husband. No matter how imperfect their relationship may be, if your biggest problem is boredom, go on vacation.

When kids get bored we don’t tell them to go find a new family. We suggest activities they can do to be less bored. The problem I have is that we take life for granted. I guarantee that families in areas of unrest such as the middle east are more tightly woven just because of all of the conflict around them. They love each other and understand that any day could be their last. In America, we don’t really have that.

The other day I was driving down a busy highway and I almost got into the right hand lane, except there was a bus stopped, so I decided not to. Not more than 5 seconds later, a truck came roaring by and smashed into the back of a car that was stopped behind the bus. When this happened, I freaked out. I immediately called Laura and told her how much I love her. We have the illusion of guaranteed life, but nothing is guaranteed except the end of life. So don’t worry yourself with butterflies, don’t even worry yourself with looking around. Worry yourself with making sure that the person you married and yourself both know how much you love each other. Because when your guarantee comes, you probably won’t be able to say those words.

So instead of worrying about your own entertainment, because that’s what the woman’s issue was, worry about the people that you love and not your love for yourself. If you need more thrills, discuss it with your loved one, don’t try and find a new one. Go on a vacation, if you have kids, get a responsible baby sitter as Laura suggested. Go out and do something! Just because your husband or wife doesn’t juggle and do backflips to make you laugh doesn’t mean you need to go out chasing butterflies.

Undivided Attention!

Kris’ Take: All the world needs is love, love, love — Love is all you need. WRONG! Okay, so the Beatles were onto something but they should add another word in there; Attention. Yes it’s true, if you love someone you should give them attention, but it doesn’t mean it is required. And this happens to be a big problem in many relationships: A lack of attention. Guys are notorious for this, whether it be work, sports, or electronics in general. It seems like they’d rather be married to those things than you right? I sympathize on this subject just because I see it happen all too often, and it can wreak havoc on relationships and end marriages. Ladies, the only advice I can give is to try and talk about it. There’s no magical cure unfortunately.

Men, please pay attention to the woman you love. If you can’t give proper attention then you need not be seeing someone. Do both of you a favor and don’t engage in a relationship: that way she can find a man that will treat her right, and you won’t be bothered taking your attention away from what is truly important to you. It’s not only stupid, but completely selfish to try and say “I love this woman, and no one else can have her” and then turn around and say “okay, go do something while I watch this show, and the show after that, and the show after that.” Because that is what is essentially happening.

If the two of you are already married, then I suggest talking it out. If you have the ability to, you can even speak with a marriage counselor. There is this huge stigma about marriage counselors, but I’ve only heard good things. People are afraid that if they go to a marriage counselor, they’re admitting they have a problem. Well, yes, but you’re also admitting that you care enough to fix it. Not going to a counselor means you have a problem and you couldn’t care less whether it gets worked out. If you don’t have the money there are many other resources out there, many churches can arrange for you to speak with a counselor free of charge or at a steep discount.

If you love each other enough, then provide the attention that you two need. It’s not enough to just be married, part of the job is to make each other feel loved and encouraged.

Work Husband and Work Wife

Related Articles:
10 Ways To Catch A Cheater
Love Isn’t Blind
How To Be A Better Husband

Kris’ Take: I used to watch these sitcom television shows where people would talk about work husbands and work wives. I thought this was completely fake until I heard some people at my job talking about it. If you don’t know, a work husband or work wife is pretty much the title one receives when they spend too much time at work with someone of the opposite sex. So, Joe is married and he spends ten hours a day at work pouring over a project. He also has a partner that helps him named Jane. Jane and Joe know everything about each other because they spend 10 hours a day together. They’re very friendly and Joe feels more confident confiding in Jane then he does his own wife. Once he gets home, he has some dinner and heads off to bed with barely a word to his wife, just some generic conversation “how was your day?” “Fine, how was yours?” This would most definitely be considered a work husband/wife scenario. This kind of relationship is fine if you’re single, but from my viewpoint, completely inexcusable if you’re married.

I know that you’re bound to forge relationships when you work, but when it starts destroying your true relationships, then it’s time to draw some lines. How can this be done? Stop sharing every little thing with the person at work; Plain and simple. This person doesn’t need to know about your marriage problems. If you have marriage problems that need to be talked out, then bring it to your wife, or a marriage counselor. By talking about marriage problems with another woman, you’re pretty much yelling “I’m unhappy, do you want to make me feel better?” And I’m sure sometimes this is the person’s underlying intentions without even realizing it.

If possible, change project partners. If you’re able to get a man instead of a woman, or vice versa, then do it. Why tempt yourself? In this world of political correctness, segregation is so highly spoken against. “Women can do what men can do.” That’s correct, and I believe it to be completely true, but that doesn’t change the fact that by working with each other you can create a temptation. I’m not blaming women for this, I’m just saying this happens normally without anyone really noticing. Think about how you met your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend. If it started out as a friendship, then it was probably pretty platonic in the beginning. And that changed after spending time together. People think that merely controlling your “sexual tension” is enough; No, it’s not, there shouldn’t be sexual tension at work. It’s work. The only sexual tension that should be controlled is the tension that you have for your husband or wife because you’ve been apart for 8 – 10 hours. If you have any other kind of tension, you need to request a new partner or team, and you need to let your husband or wife know so you can fix it before it becomes a real problem.

Infidelity runs rampant through relationships, and it is so terribly sad to see. These people that pledge to love each other for sicknesss or health, richer or poorer, and yet our divorce rate is 50%! 1 out of every 2 marriages fail in America, and every one of those marriages took the same pledge. There’s no reason except for people’s selfish ways. It may sound extreme what I suggest, but no job is worth a marriage. When you take that oath, you better be willing to live under a bridge and stay faithful rather than have a billion dollars and fail them.

Laura’s Take: I’m not too familiar with these terms, but I definitely agree with you, Kris, that people shouldn’t put themselves in such compromising positions with coworkers. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if my husband was closer to someone else at work than with me. If you can’t completely keep the promises you’ve made to your husband or wife, then you should seriously think about what you’re doing to your life.

Kris’ Take:  Don’t worry honey, you’ll never have to hear these words from my mouth.

Don’t Forget What You Do Have

Kris’ Take:  Every morning I listen to morning shows on the radio.  I hear people asking for help because of this and that.  There are a lot of people out there in need of something, and one thing I commonly hear brought up is how people are lonely.  As humans, we have a need to be wanted or accepted.  A husband, wife, fiancee, boyfriend, or girlfriend fulfills this need, but many people forget the feeling of being alone.  It gets caught up in complaints about how the other snores too loud, didn’t cut the grass, or forgot to wash the dishes.  And sometimes it even gets taken as far as divorce.  What each of us needs to do is re-evaluate the importance of people in our lives.  How would you feel if they weren’t in your life?  How would you feel being completely and utterly alone?  Some people would say they’d be just fine.  But for how long?  Those people I feel are extremely short sighted, and I don’t think they realize they’d soon be seeking out friends to fill the void. 

It’s okay to complain when you’re frustrated, but at the end of the day make sure the two of you are hugging and cuddling.  You never know what tomorrow may bring, and that’s if tomorrow ever comes.  Be happy and proud that you have someone in your life, because there are people who pray constantly to have that kind of companionship in their life.  Today I heard a statistic that 70% of wealthy men over the age of 55 said the two most important things to judge their success was:

1. Having a happy and loving family.

2. Being able to retire early.

Why did they want to retire early?  So they could spend time with their happy and loving family.  That means that men who consider themselves successful measure that by having a family, not how many figures are in their bank account!  So remember:  while you’re busy complaining about the wife, husband, or kids you have, there are other people out their who would love to have the blessings you’ve got.  Don’t forget what you do have.

Sweet Surprises

Laura’s Take: One thing that Kris does that I absolutely adore is he’ll leave me an occasional “I love you” note under one of my wind shield wipers. It’s such a pleasant surprise that sometimes I like to return the favor. It’s a cute memento that reminds a person how much you care about them. Notes under wind shield wipers aren’t the only way to leave or significant other a sweet surprise…. Here’s a few other ideas…

Ideas for Your Man:

• If he packs a lunch for work, bake him something sweet and hide it in his lunch box. When his lunch break comes around, both him and his sweet tooth will thank you. As they say, a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
• Find or print a cute wallet sized picture of the two of you and put it in his wallet when he’s not looking. Next time he opens that wallet, he won’t be able to close it. Oh, and make sure it’s a picture where both of you look great, men are sensitive about their image as well, you know.
• Buy some heart shaped Post It notes, and write something loving on about 20 of them. Think about some of the places your man always goes to, whether it’s the box of Cheez-Its or the remote control. Then just have fun and start stickin’!
• Got a Grocery list? Next time you’re writing up this weekly list, add something a little out of the ordinary. Whether you want to add something cute or sexy, he’s sure to take a second look! It’s just one way to make Grocery shopping a little more enjoyable.
• Snatch his cell phone when he’s not looking. In the category called tools, you should find a schedule organizer. Type in a cute little message and set it for a time he’ll have his phone on him. He’ll be pleasantly surprised by all your clever tactics.

Kris’ Take:  I think this is a very nice and positive thing to do to keep things moving in a marriage.  Many men and women feel left behind or left out of the life of their spouse.  I think that must be one of the loneliest feelings, and something as simple as a note can really fix that problem.  Nothing is better than putting in 4 hours of an 8 hour day and finding a little note from your wife in your lunch that makes you feel like she is thinking about you right at that moment.  It’s very important to keep a relationship moving forward; it doesn’t just stop at marriage.

Ideas For Your Woman

• Do some of the house chores.  I know first hand that Laura loves when I wash and dry the dishes with her.  It makes time go by and allows the two of you to have a nice talk.
• Bring home flowers when you know her day was rough.  It shows her that you’re sympathetic and understand that she can have hard days too.
• Make her dinner!  Laura and I are very old fashioned in the way we handle things.  I want to go to work and take care of her and she wants to keep the house held together.  But never would I be such a jerk to assume that only I worked today and I deserve MY dinner right NOW.  No marriage should ever assume that one person is working and the other is vacationing, because we all know first hand how annoying, mundane, thankless, and tiring cleaning a house and keeping up with kids can be.  So when you can take some of the weight off of her shoulders and make the day a bit nicer, you should.  She’s your princess for you to take care of, you asked her to marry you for a reason, and she said yes for a reason.  Show her why.
• Foot Massages!  Okay, so you’re not a foot enthusiast, neither am I.  But for some reason, I don’t mind giving Laura a foot massage.  Any other person, I shiver.  But this is a nice way to relax your spouse and in a way it suggests that you know they’ve been on their feet all day and you appreciate the help they offer.
• Back Massages.  These are fun when you’re getting them.  One thing I do notice is that people LOVE getting back massages, but they don’t care to give them.  Probably because hands can get tired so quickly.  But even a light massage is nice here and there.  So if you see your princess leaning on a counter rubbing the back of her neck, sit her down and do it for her.
• Not to copy, but women like notes too.  I write Laura notes everyone once in a while, and one time I mailed her one from work.  She loved that!  I guess its because people are so used to that “I love you” text message or e-mail (Which these aren’t bad, if you don’t already do this, give it a try!  You might be surprised with the response!).  But women love mail.
• Arrange a surprise date.  This is also referred to as kidnapping her for a day.  Take a day off from work.  Wake her up with breakfast, and take her out, but she isn’t allowed to know any of the plans.  Be very cautious with telling people that you will be or did kidnap your wife.

Date Idea: Leaving on a jet plane

Kris’ Take: Okay, so we’re not quite leaving, but today Laura and I will most likely be picnicking while airplanes fly over our heads. This is something we’ve wanted to do for a while. Kind of reminiscent of one of my favorite scenes from Wayne’s World where Wayne and Garth sit atop a gremlin and watch planes fly over. I figured this would be a fun spin on a picnic, at the very worst something different. We’ll see if it flops or not, but I think all in all it should be fun. It’ll also be nice because it’ll give us a chance to just enjoy each other’s company.

Laura’s Take: Well I think the airplane picnic was a fun idea… but it got a bit loud everytime a plane landed by us. Not trying to complain, I got so excited when I saw another plane coming in for a landing! It was definitely really exciting and gave us lots time and things to talk about, like what places we wanted to visit and such. It was a neat experience and I’m glad we did something other than the usual picnic at the park. Overall, I’d say the idea was a success.

Hot Tamales rates this idea:

3 out of 5 Hearts

Christmas reminds me…

Kris’ Take:  In America, where we are surrounded by advertising and glittering images, we are constantly pressured to buy, buy, buy and keep up with the neighbors.  It can sometimes become very easy to fall into this trap.  When people fall into this trap I call them an Uberconsumer.  That is a word that I completely made up on my own so I know it won’t pass spell check.  When you’re an uberconsumer, you completely lose sight of what is truly important.  People begin to covet their iphone and Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses.  Sometimes I find myself in this position where I am blindly driven to succeed and few times do I ever really sit down and define what the word succeed means.

 Sure, the world says that succeeding is acquiring large amounts of money, power, or a combination of the two.  I know for some people that is success, but I think to myself, what is truly important to me?  I would rather have loving children and a faithful wife rather than a million dollars.  I know money is necessary to properly supply the needs of the people that you love, but a line must be drawn.  I know there is some guy out there that is working tirelessly to shove millions in the bank for the family that he has at home.  What he doesn’t realize is while he is slaving away, the kids are growing up, the wife is developing new interests that she isn’t able to share with him because he isn’t around, and all this is doing is widening the gap between him and the family that he thinks he is doing this all for.  It’s really a catch 22.

 There needs to be a balance.  I’m a highly driven person, and that is probably one of my biggest blessings, and one of my biggest flaws.  I need to know how to balance my drive to provide and succeed financially, and also make ample amounts of room for attention and quality time.  I think of the plant analogy:  You buy a plant and put it in the window so that it is sure to have plenty of sunshine.  Then you go to the river to get it water.  But wait, a gallon is okay but you will need plenty of water to sustain it throughout its whole life.  So you hurry home and drip a couple of drops on the plant and you run back out to the river. 

You collect hundreds of gallons of water, every once in a while running back to drip a few drops onto your plant.  You’re too busy to notice that the plant is beginning to brown and wither.  It doesn’t matter how much water you gather, it won’t save that plant without the right amount of attention.  In this case the plant was only receiving a couple of drops a day at best.

 This Christmas I went to my mother’s house and it was nice spending time with her.  I don’t get to see her often and it reminded me of just how nice and important family is.  I see it everyday, celebrities that “have the world” but in all reality, they are unfulfilled.  Look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.  They will be going to Louisiana to help rebuild, I think that is fantastic, but examine that a little further.  All of the money, and sway that they have, they must be fulfilled, right?  They have the ability to live their lives completely for themselves and not lift a finger, yet they choose to do the opposite.  This shows me that no matter how much money a person has, there is far more to life.  I know this is an obvious conclusion, but look at how many people spend their lives, lose their lives, and lose their families because they love money more.

 Christmas reminds me that it’s okay to work for the money you need, but to remember to put everyone that you truly love before it.