Sharing Each Other’s Hobbies

Laura’s Take: Hobbies. Some of them are fun, and others, well, not so much… but the fact is that nearly everyone has one. When you’re in a serious relationship, it’s important to make an effort to share in your honey’s hobbies, whether it’s painting, collecting something, or taking pictures. Who knows, you might find out that you love collecting coins. That hasn’t really happened for me quite yet, but when Kris buys a new coin, I try to act interested. I’m just kidding of course. He loves sharing his hobby with me, and honestly, I love when he does. It’s nice being able to share our hobbies with each other. I don’t ever want to say, “Oh, that’s his thing.”

I don’t always like doing what Kris likes to do, but I still make an effort to seem interested. Why? Because when the time comes around for me to pick out that cute outfit for the his company’s Christmas party, I expect him to be anxiously waiting outside the dressing room. By the way, Kris doesn’t have a problem going shopping with me, but I know many men who can’t stand shopping with their women, so I thought it would be a suitable example.

Keep in mind that sharing in someone else’s hobby isn’t necessarily a game of give and take. Sometimes you learn to enjoy the hobby just as much as they do! I sometimes catch myself sifting through the change I get while shopping to see if there are any old coins that I think Kris might like.

When we think something is fun, cool, or interesting, we want to tell someone right? What if you absolutely loved playing piano… (as I do) and wanted to play a song for your sweety, but he or she didn’t care… Wouldn’t you be a little hurt? Now I’m not saying that they need to take up piano lessons, but just a mere “That was lovely Sweety,” could prove that they care about you and respect what’s important to you.

Kris’ Take:  Yes, this is very important.  It can be alienating when you feel like the person you love has absolutely no interest in your hobbies, and that’s why people should make an effort to share in it.  I collect coins, as you’ve probably gathered, and many people find that to be terribly boring.  I enjoy it because of all of the history behind them, and Laura understands that.  After all, it is pretty neat holding a coin that’s 125 years old, or even 2,000 years old!  It means a lot to me when I get a new coin and I can hurry up and show Laura my latest find; it’s like finding buried treasure.  It would make me sad if I rushed home to show Laura and all she said was “OK.  That’s boring.”

The same thing goes with shopping.  Now, I don’t hate shopping, but there are other things that I prefer doing sometimes.  This doesn’t change the fact that if Laura wants to hit up the mall, I go.  I don’t drag my feet either!  Many men will go just to appease, but they make it painfully obvious that they don’t want to be there.  This isn’t supportive, in fact it might be more damaging than not going at all.  Why should I take Laura somewhere that she really wants to be, then make it miserable for her?  It doesn’t make sense, and I would even call it an oxymoron.

It’s all about give and take.  Laura spends the time to listen to me about my hobbies, and I spend the time assisting her in her hobbies.  It can’t be one sided, or someone is losing out.  Relationships are about building each other up and growing together.  Segregating your hobbies from one another just makes time for the two of you to grow apart, and that seems contrary to the idea behind a relationship.

Cheating Spouses: Love them or Leave them

Laura’s Take: Marriage is a holy union between two people and God, a union that is meant to stand the test of time. But God gave each and every one of us free will to make our own decisions, and sometimes we, as humans, don’t always make the best ones. Some bad decisions can have only a small impact on our lives, while others can completely change the rest of your life. How does a person cope with the knowledge that their husband or wife is having an affair? If you’re in this position, here are a few things to take into consideration.

• How did you find out? If you had to do your own snooping to find out, then the odds are that he or she wasn’t planning on ever telling you. If they confess without your snoopage, then they are most likely remorseful of their actions and wanted to be honest with you.
• Do you have any children? Sometimes couples that have experienced infidelity decide it’s better to remain in the relationship for the sake of the children. Children don’t like having parents who are constantly fighting, in fact, sometimes they’d actually prefer the divorce. Talk to your children and ask them how they feel about the issue. It’s not just about you and your spouse, it’s about the entire family.
• Do you want revenge? It’s a natural feeling to want to hurt the person who hurt you, but vengeful cheating will only hurt yourself. Having meaningless relations with another person will lower your self esteem and only make you feel worse. Try to get over your pain the hard way, lots of tissues and ice cream.
• Will they cheat again? Well it really just depends on the person, but my belief is if they’re willing to risk their marriage once, why not again? It’s like the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
• Can you ever trust them again? Well I can answer this one for you. No, you’ll never be fully able to trust them after there’s been infidelity. When he’s late coming home from work, you’ll wonder if there’s something still going on. I wouldn’t be able to deal with the constant paranoia.
• What do you want to do? There’s only two options, stay in the relationship or move on. Tell your spouse you need some time to think about what you want. Go away for a few days, and during those days, avoid talking to them, because they could try and persuade your opinion. They already made their decision, it’s time for you to make yours.

If you decide that you want to work things out, try going to a marriage counselor to talk about ways to deal with the situation. Counseling is one of the only ways to really be able to rebuild a relationship. If your spouse truly wants to work things out, there should be no fighting about going to the couple’s therapy. It’s so sad to hear when a couple is torn by infidelity. Please, don’t put yourself or your marriage in a compromising position by letting the world’s temptations get the best of you.

Kris’ Take: This is a very sad subject to tackle but unfortunately it’s a rampant problem. I completely agree with the counseling. I don’t think anybody involved in a situation like this is any kind of condition to try and repair the relationship. A counselor can be an invaluable tool that will allow you to make amends rather than just bury the hurt deep down inside. Chances are, if you decide to manage a cheating relationship just between the two of you, one of you is going to just be burying the hurt. A counselor will have the ability to bring out the emotions and arrive to the conclusions that would otherwise be overlooked, or considered too bothersome to face.

The best thing I can say about cheating in the first place is to prevent it. The reason cheating is so common is because people put themselves into situations where it can easily be accomplished. do you have a female colleague? Don’t go out to lunch with her, or do overnighters with her, or put yourself in any position where the two of you could be found alone. Not only will this help to prevent cheating, it will also prevent office rumors that can be just as equally damaging. Do you have a female friend? Don’t spend hours on the phone with her, and if you two are to hang out, bring your wife along. What will the two of you be doing that you couldn’t do with the woman that you supposedly will love until death do you part? Maybe she’d like to get out of the house or meet another female whom she can be friends with.

If you have a “look but don’t touch” attitude, get rid of it. All it takes is for one of those guys or girls that your day dreaming about to say hi and ask you to lunch, then it’s just a friendly lunch, right? Then he or she is giving you nice friendly compliments, friendly, right? Then you start noticing that your husband/wife doesn’t give you those nice compliments, that means this friend is better, right? They make you feel good so you should spend just a tad bit more time with them, right? But your husband/wife doesn’t need to know about these extra meetings, what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? The answer to all of those is no.

If it sounds like I’m being too strict, then that’s because I take relationships seriously. You must make sacrifices so it will work, and if you don’t think that’s the reality of it, then you’re willing to sacrifice your marriage for another relationship which still validates my point. You can’t be in the wrong place at the wrong time if you never went there to begin with.

10 Things Every Woman Wants in a Man

Laura’s Take: Kris put his two cents in about what a man wants in a woman, so here’s a my take on what women want in a man. If there’s any women out there that have something else to add, please do! Men can use all the help they can get!

1. The first and most important characteristic is honesty. If you’re not about to trust your man, you don’t have a relationship! Men, tell the truth, all the time, no matter how bad it may be. We’ll love you for your honesty!

2. What’s a man without a good sense of humor? Boring, that’s what! Sing her a song, tell a joke, do whatever you have to make her laugh, because if you don’t know how to make or take a joke, a long, happy relationship is probably not in your future.

3. A nice smile can make any woman smile! It’s the most important part of a person’s face and it’s the first thing you see when you meet someone new, so make sure that those pearly whites are sparkling!

4. Men like to talk about what they know, and actually, women like to hear it. Intelligence is one of the most attractive characteristics in any man. We want you to amaze us with your extensive knowledge about electrical circuitry!

5. One thing that is so refreshing to find in a guy is a positive outlook on life. Negative people just bring others down with them and no woman wants a man who will make her sad and depressed.

6. Having a sensitive demeanor is key to any successful relationship, so to see a man who’s able to connect to his sensitive side is sweet and actually very manly. Yes, a sensitive man can be quite masculine and sexy!

7. Many woman love adventure and trying new things so it’s great have a man with an open mind. Being able to step out of one’s comfort zone to take risks is such an important characteristic because it really makes life interesting. Kris makes me try new foods all the time, foods I would othewise, had never tried myself.

8. Seriously, women can spend up to an hour each day making ourselves look pretty for you. Well we want the same respect back! Your physical appearance is important! We don’t want to be seen with a slob! Please, take some time and work on your appearance!

9. Old fashioned chivalry is still greatly appreciated by many women. It’s not easy to find any more these days, but luckily I’ve managed to find a gentleman who still thinks a lady deserves to be treated like such!

10. One thing that I’ve always loved about Kris is his determination. He’s goal orientated and that’s so important to me, especially since I have my own goals as well, so we’re able to motivate each other.

Work Husband and Work Wife

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Kris’ Take: I used to watch these sitcom television shows where people would talk about work husbands and work wives. I thought this was completely fake until I heard some people at my job talking about it. If you don’t know, a work husband or work wife is pretty much the title one receives when they spend too much time at work with someone of the opposite sex. So, Joe is married and he spends ten hours a day at work pouring over a project. He also has a partner that helps him named Jane. Jane and Joe know everything about each other because they spend 10 hours a day together. They’re very friendly and Joe feels more confident confiding in Jane then he does his own wife. Once he gets home, he has some dinner and heads off to bed with barely a word to his wife, just some generic conversation “how was your day?” “Fine, how was yours?” This would most definitely be considered a work husband/wife scenario. This kind of relationship is fine if you’re single, but from my viewpoint, completely inexcusable if you’re married.

I know that you’re bound to forge relationships when you work, but when it starts destroying your true relationships, then it’s time to draw some lines. How can this be done? Stop sharing every little thing with the person at work; Plain and simple. This person doesn’t need to know about your marriage problems. If you have marriage problems that need to be talked out, then bring it to your wife, or a marriage counselor. By talking about marriage problems with another woman, you’re pretty much yelling “I’m unhappy, do you want to make me feel better?” And I’m sure sometimes this is the person’s underlying intentions without even realizing it.

If possible, change project partners. If you’re able to get a man instead of a woman, or vice versa, then do it. Why tempt yourself? In this world of political correctness, segregation is so highly spoken against. “Women can do what men can do.” That’s correct, and I believe it to be completely true, but that doesn’t change the fact that by working with each other you can create a temptation. I’m not blaming women for this, I’m just saying this happens normally without anyone really noticing. Think about how you met your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend. If it started out as a friendship, then it was probably pretty platonic in the beginning. And that changed after spending time together. People think that merely controlling your “sexual tension” is enough; No, it’s not, there shouldn’t be sexual tension at work. It’s work. The only sexual tension that should be controlled is the tension that you have for your husband or wife because you’ve been apart for 8 – 10 hours. If you have any other kind of tension, you need to request a new partner or team, and you need to let your husband or wife know so you can fix it before it becomes a real problem.

Infidelity runs rampant through relationships, and it is so terribly sad to see. These people that pledge to love each other for sicknesss or health, richer or poorer, and yet our divorce rate is 50%! 1 out of every 2 marriages fail in America, and every one of those marriages took the same pledge. There’s no reason except for people’s selfish ways. It may sound extreme what I suggest, but no job is worth a marriage. When you take that oath, you better be willing to live under a bridge and stay faithful rather than have a billion dollars and fail them.

Laura’s Take: I’m not too familiar with these terms, but I definitely agree with you, Kris, that people shouldn’t put themselves in such compromising positions with coworkers. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if my husband was closer to someone else at work than with me. If you can’t completely keep the promises you’ve made to your husband or wife, then you should seriously think about what you’re doing to your life.

Kris’ Take:  Don’t worry honey, you’ll never have to hear these words from my mouth.

Date Tip: Table Manners

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Laura’s Take: I’m sorry, but it’s such a turn off to see a man scarf down his entire plate of food before you even have the chance to pick up your fork. Men, I understand that when you’re hungry, you want to eat anything and everything in front of you. But when you’re on a date, you need to put those natural instincts aside or next time you’ll be eating alone. Table manners are so important when dating that they can and will lead to the failure of a date. Some good advice, don’t eat until you feel your pant’s button about to pop, it’ll just make you and your date feel uncomfortable. So men, I ask you, for your own good, stop eating like you’re in the military! Sorry I seem to be picking on the men, but I haven’t caught too many women acting like this. Just remember… Slow down. The food’s not going anywhere and we want to make sure your date isn’t either.

Kris’ Take: I admit, sometimes I eat like I’m in the military, but only when I must. When out at a restaurant, I try to mind my manners as well as possible. I have however seen women violate the laws of ladiness at the table. This also includes eating like they’re in the military, talking to friends on the phone (nothing could be more alienating), or talking about past relationships. Those are just a couple. Men, let’s make a deal. We eat more slowly, but the women must ditch the phones and the exs.

Cute Song

Kris:  Anytime I hear this song I think of Laura so I figured I’d share this with everyone else so they can share in the joy it brings me.  Maybe this will end up being someone else’s song also.  The normal version doesn’t have a harmonica, but this was the best video.

Jack Johnson – Better Together

Don’t go to bed angry

Laura’s Take: In nearly any relationship, you’re going to have arguments. One of the most important pieces of advice I’ve learned from my parents has been not to go to bed angry. No matter who’s fault it is, make sure that if you see the other not breaking down, step up and be the mature one. Break the silence with an apology and get to making up!

Kris’ Take:  This is so true, and I have a big problem with this sometimes.  Sometimes it’s hard to man up and say “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”  It’s a huge blow to a guy’s ego, but it’s necessary also.  I know that it’s important to prove a point, but at what cost are you willing to prove it?  And ladies, please understand that we’re not trying to be jerks.  It’s hugely difficult for men to break down and say that we’re in the wrong.  I think it’s that stubborn testosterone!  Anyways, apologize, make up, and go to bed.  You’ll be so much happier that you did.  Imagine waking up the next morning and being happy to see each other rather than not talk at all.  [shiver]

Avoiding Arguements

Laura’s Take: When problems come along, some people decide it’s safer to just ignore them. Never a good decision! Please please please don’t do this. Unresolved issues can just build up causing even more problems between the two. There have been times where Kris wants to get off the phone when things get a little heated. Honestly, it just makes me more upset. Yes Sweety, it’s true. Having open communications is one of the most important factors to a strong, happy relationship. Don’t worry about what the other will say, you need to tell them how you feel, otherwise nothing is going to be fixed. How will he know to stop watching ESPN when you’re eating dinner unless you tell him? Serious couples need to take the time to listen to each other, find out what’s bothering them, and sit down and discuss a solution to the problem. What do you think Kris?

Kris’ Take: I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes it’s hard to admit when you’re in the wrong. I think all men struggle with this issue, but being right isn’t what makes a man, it’s being man enough to admit it when you’re wrong. And sometimes it seems easier to just let the problem go away on its own, but what it really does is leave behind a little bad memory that builds and builds. Discussing these things is the best way to prevent that sudden surprise of emotion. There’s no use in letting something as beautiful as a great relationship get wrecked over something that could’ve just been talked out.

Men, I must say, apologize to your princess and talk things out. How important is it to be right? Because if it’s worth your relationship, why are you wasting each other’s time?

Date Tip: What to Wear

Laura’s Take: First Impressions mean everything and how you present yourself can greatly impact your life in many ways. Whether you don’t get the job because you came in wearing flip flops and a Hawaiian Shirt, or you can’t get a date because the suspenders and bow tie you’re wearing are out of date, make sure that when you’re getting dressed, you’re proud of the image you’re showing. So Girls, if you don’t want people to assume you’re a slut, don’t dress like one! And Guys, if you don’t want girls to think you live in your parents’ basement, watching Star Trek reruns and playing video games all day, then burn every nerdy t-shirt you own!

Kris’ Take: Ouch! I don’t think I’d put it that harshly… okay, yeah I probably would. The truth is gentleman, the days of the t-shirt and jeans are over. To really snag your catch you’ve got to dress to kill. I believe ZZ Top said it best “Every girl’s crazy for a sharp dressed man.” Girls love walking around with their man and thinking “Wow, he’s so much better dressed/looking than all of these other guys.” Rather than “Wow, he looks just like every other guy.” And Ladies, I agree with Laura. If you’re going to put yourself out there like you’re carrying around a tray of h’orderves, you’ll eventually get that attention. And I don’t think most of you girls really want men grabbing on you like you’re an XBox controller. So Ladies, if you want to be respected, keep the puppies in the pouch and the skirt from the sky, and I think that you’ll make it through a date just fine.

Date Tip: Talking Too Much

Kris’ Take: Okay, don’t give her the silent treatment, but she doesn’t need your biography either. Save some information for another date. We know that you want to tell her all of the good deeds you’ve done, but that will just make you sound egotistical. Let her talk, let her explain, and remember, pay attention. Don’t just nod and smile but be thinking about sports, actually listen and input your comments throughout to demonstrate you’re listening. Listening is one of the most important qualities that women want in men. And guess what, very few offer it, talk about a competitive advantage! And it’s so easy to do!

Also, if there is something you don’t understand, like her being the international southwest regional branch manager of operations, ask her what that means. People love being put in the hot seat and educating. It shows that you’re interested, and it allows her to have the spotlight. People love attention, that’s why the two of you are on a date in the first place.