Unemployed Husband

Kris’ Take: So you go to work all day, and you come home to see your husband sitting on the couch, flipping through channels, and he didn’t really do anything around the house. If this sounds familiar then you’re not alone according to the United States Bureau of Labor Statistics. 6.5% of marriages in the United States are in a similar situation. There are advantages to one spouse staying home like keeping watch of the kids, or just keeping the house and yard nice and tidy, but you’re not reading this because of that. You’re probably reading this because the husband isn’t doing any of those things.

There has been a paradigm shift since women’s rights and suffrage, and many women don’t like it. I see searches for it all the time, but what can women do? Like any other problem you should sit down and talk about it. But before you do that, you need to find out what is really bothering you about it. Do you feel stressed, like the full work load is on you? Does it make you angry that ‘lazy bones’ gets to rest all day? Are you barely making your bills, or falling behind? Do you feel that it’s the man’s responsibility to go to work and for you to take are of the homefront? Are you annoyed that he’s not getting enough done around the house? This is important to consider because as soon as you sit down and let him know that you don’t like him working, he’s probably going to ask you why.

I’ve always been hugely motivated, and I don’t know many guys who could just sit at home while their wife brought in the income. But, if this is the guy you’ve got, then you’re going to need to work with it. If you’re falling behind in bills then that should be motivation enough, be honest with the financial climate of the household. If you’re just unhappy with the situation then that should be motivation enough for him to want to step up and help out in the marriage. If he doesn’t want to get a job, then you need to find out why. This situation can get so complicated so quickly because there are a lot of reasons that a man may not want to work. Some might include that he feels he doesn’t need to work because you make enough money, or that he feels he does enough around the house, or maybe he’s just completely lazy. Whatever the reason is; if it puts a strain on the marriage or your mental health, I would suggest seeking out a marriage counselor.

Top ways to show you love and care

Kris’ Take: This list is going to cover the top ways that I feel someone can demonstrate that they love and care for someone. This list will include simple and obvious things in theory, but sometimes these are the hardest things to remember to do.

1. Listen – This is one of those obvious but sometimes difficult things to do. Sometimes you just get lost in thought, but when the person you love is pouring their heart out it means a lot when you’re able to give them meaningful responses. It upsets me when I will be in conversation with Laura, and something happens around me that causes my attention to be diverted. It makes Laura feel less special. I like Laura to feel like she is the most special person in the world to me, and I can’t do that if I’m not listening properly.
2. Support – There’s a lot of crazy ideas out there, but if the one you love feels a need to do something (as long as it is morally correct) then you should give them your backing. It’s a terrible feeling when you have an idea that you believe in, but the person that you love makes you feel like you’re ridiculous or completely insane for thinking it. If it doesn’t pose some kind of disaster to the relationship or security of the family than give them the support they need to accomplish it. If there is a huge risk then it needs to be throughly discussed and weighed out. But whatever the idea, no matter how big or small, try to offer support because there are too many critics already.
3. Be Equal – Men want to be treated like men, true, we like to have the masculine roles in the relationship, but that doesn’t mean that anyone needs to be treated in an inferior manner. Just because the guy takes out the garbage and fixes the car doesn’t mean that there needs to be an inferior status it just means that he’s good at what he does and she’s good at what she does. A brain surgeon might be great at doing surgery but I don’t want him working on my car. A relationship includes having a mutual respect for the work that the other does.
4. Share – One thing that my parents did which I still don’t understand was they kept all money seperate, I guess this was an advantage once they got divorced. It’s okay to keep track of your finances but keeping them seperate creates a division in the relationship. By saying, “This is mine and that is yours” is kind of going against the idea of a marriage making two become one. And the only reason I can see people doing this is in preparation for divorce if that occurs. If you’re preparing for divorce, don’t get married. Some people might do it for accounting purposes, but it escapes me why the accounting can’t occur as a whole, it would make it easier that way anyways. It’s easier to look at one income and one outgoing rather than tracking two.
5. Team Work – Tackle tough tasks as a couple. While you’re at it, tackle the easy tasks as a team also. Laura and I wash the dishes together and she always thanks me and lets me know how much easier it makes it for her. And Laura will always help me with some of my extra work because she knows the work load that I’m currently handling is pretty big too. If we did this in everything then it might dramatically cut down on the stress one feels in a relationship. Support each other in the tasks that you might not be able to do together and use team work in the ones that you can help each other in. By doing the bare minimum in a relationship you’re ensuring that the one you supposedly love has to pick up the slack. By doing that little bit extra you can turn a mundane task into a nice conversation while taking ome of the work load. I like doing the dishes with Laura because we seem to always have nice conversations while we do it.

Work Husband and Work Wife Pt. 2

Kris’ Take: I just wanted to give you all an update as to why relationships in America are deteriorating, this is an article I found at CNN. What’s worse is that they actually say there is a place you should draw the line, like there is some kind of moral behind this. How about not ever engaging in flirting at work when you’re in a relationship? They even try to “class it up” by mentioning how it could lead to possible temptation of adultery. That kind of thinking can justify anything! “Why do you want to play russian roulette?” “Because there is a chance I could win” This is a good example of how people are willing to throw everything on an altar so they can enhance their careers, I’m thoroughly disgusted. Don’t start a family if you’re looking for flings, all you’ll do is hurt so many more people than yourself. They even have a story in there about a woman who was flirting while pregnant with her second child!
Click to Read Work Husband Work Wife Pt. 1
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/worklife/02/05/work.spouse/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Work Husband and Work Wife

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Kris’ Take: I used to watch these sitcom television shows where people would talk about work husbands and work wives. I thought this was completely fake until I heard some people at my job talking about it. If you don’t know, a work husband or work wife is pretty much the title one receives when they spend too much time at work with someone of the opposite sex. So, Joe is married and he spends ten hours a day at work pouring over a project. He also has a partner that helps him named Jane. Jane and Joe know everything about each other because they spend 10 hours a day together. They’re very friendly and Joe feels more confident confiding in Jane then he does his own wife. Once he gets home, he has some dinner and heads off to bed with barely a word to his wife, just some generic conversation “how was your day?” “Fine, how was yours?” This would most definitely be considered a work husband/wife scenario. This kind of relationship is fine if you’re single, but from my viewpoint, completely inexcusable if you’re married.

I know that you’re bound to forge relationships when you work, but when it starts destroying your true relationships, then it’s time to draw some lines. How can this be done? Stop sharing every little thing with the person at work; Plain and simple. This person doesn’t need to know about your marriage problems. If you have marriage problems that need to be talked out, then bring it to your wife, or a marriage counselor. By talking about marriage problems with another woman, you’re pretty much yelling “I’m unhappy, do you want to make me feel better?” And I’m sure sometimes this is the person’s underlying intentions without even realizing it.

If possible, change project partners. If you’re able to get a man instead of a woman, or vice versa, then do it. Why tempt yourself? In this world of political correctness, segregation is so highly spoken against. “Women can do what men can do.” That’s correct, and I believe it to be completely true, but that doesn’t change the fact that by working with each other you can create a temptation. I’m not blaming women for this, I’m just saying this happens normally without anyone really noticing. Think about how you met your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend. If it started out as a friendship, then it was probably pretty platonic in the beginning. And that changed after spending time together. People think that merely controlling your “sexual tension” is enough; No, it’s not, there shouldn’t be sexual tension at work. It’s work. The only sexual tension that should be controlled is the tension that you have for your husband or wife because you’ve been apart for 8 – 10 hours. If you have any other kind of tension, you need to request a new partner or team, and you need to let your husband or wife know so you can fix it before it becomes a real problem.

Infidelity runs rampant through relationships, and it is so terribly sad to see. These people that pledge to love each other for sicknesss or health, richer or poorer, and yet our divorce rate is 50%! 1 out of every 2 marriages fail in America, and every one of those marriages took the same pledge. There’s no reason except for people’s selfish ways. It may sound extreme what I suggest, but no job is worth a marriage. When you take that oath, you better be willing to live under a bridge and stay faithful rather than have a billion dollars and fail them.

Laura’s Take: I’m not too familiar with these terms, but I definitely agree with you, Kris, that people shouldn’t put themselves in such compromising positions with coworkers. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if my husband was closer to someone else at work than with me. If you can’t completely keep the promises you’ve made to your husband or wife, then you should seriously think about what you’re doing to your life.

Kris’ Take:  Don’t worry honey, you’ll never have to hear these words from my mouth.