Quit Complaining

Laura’s Take: Not that what you’re saying isn’t important to your significant other, but sometimes it can be too much for them to handle. Imagine having a long, stressful day at work and coming home to only more stress? No one wants that. When you’re so close to a person, your moods are sometimes intertwined. For instance, I know that when I get in a depressed mood, Kris gets into that same mood. So if your complaining to your significant other, chances are, you’re only going to put them in a bad mood as well. I understand that sometimes, you just need to talk to somebody. It’s hard sometimes when you really need a shoulder to cry on, or complain on. You just don’t want to seem like all you do is complain (not attractive on anyone). Something that helps me is writing. If you like writing a personal journal, great, but some people don’t. I’m one of those people who feels that when you’re writing a journal, you’re writing to no one.

So this is what I do… I log into my e-mail and address the letter to Kris. Then I pretty much start writing the e-mail as if it were a journal, typing whatever I’m thinking at the time. It’s a really good method because I still get it off my chest, while I’m not complaining Kris’ ear off. After writing about what’s bugging me, I start feeling better and I can write some nice thoughts in my e-mail as well. It’s a good technique that seems to be working pretty good for me.

Kris’ Take:  I agree with this to a point.  If it’s just mindless complaining about anything and everything, then yes, please take the be quiet card.  If you have a genuine concern, or just had a horrible day, I don’t mind you complaining away.  I only role my eyes when I hear LFCs (Loud Frequent Complainers).  There’s a couple at work; no matter what the issue, they must complain, and they must make it known to everyone.  These people need a dunce cap and to sit in the corner.

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13 Responses to “Quit Complaining”

  1. mistyjade Says:

    Since you two have now become my version of “Dear Abby” I’m wondering if you take questions? I’m a people pleaser by nature, mostly happy go lucky and I always smile… This gets me into trouble when I go out… I’m that approachable girl. How do I tell guys I’m not interested without (A) seeming like witch (B) Lying, I suck at it (C) embarrassing them in front of their friends?

  2. Hot Tamales Says:

    Kris’ Take: Firstly, we’re more than happy to take questions. Laura and I can both identify with this situation. The sad thing is, these problems even occur when we’re right next to each other! Not that guys ask her out when I’m there, but just with the ways that they look. This suggests to me that even a good excuse these days doesn’t cut it.

    What I would suggest is to be up front and say something to the effect of “I’m really not looking to be dating anyone right now.” Whether it’s because you’re really focused on school or career or something else. You can even get away with saying that you already have an interest. I don’t suggest cutting the guy down at the knees just in case he happens to be one of those creepy fixated weirdos that exact revenge when they can.

    So my advice is be kind but honest and firm. You don’t want to lead the guy on, but you don’t want to make him snap either. In a bit Laura should respond and give you the womans point of view.

  3. Hot Tamales Says:

    Laura’s Take: Well I’m glad you’re bad at lying because guys seem to be able to detect a line coming from a mile away. There’s really no nice way to turn someone down though. That’s why it’s such a hard thing to do. All I can say is to be sincere.

    As Kris said, Let them know that you’re just not looking for any relationships right now. If it makes you feel better, say that you’d like to hang out just as friends, but you have to make sure that they are aware that you’re not looking to be dating anyone.

  4. mistyjade Says:

    What do I say when Mr Insistent keeps asking for my number? I’ve tried the “Give me yours”… Doesn’t usually work!

  5. Hot Tamales Says:

    Kris’ Take: I’d quit with the give me yours. that shows an interest. If he is really persistent than you may need to put the foot down and ask him to leave you alone.

  6. Hot Tamales Says:

    Laura’s Take: I full agree with Kris. You need to forget about being nice and cut to the chase. Otherwise you’re just going to be leading him on, which would actually be worse to do than turning him down in the first place.

  7. Hot Alpha Female Says:

    Hi guys,
    I definitely see where you guys are coming from! Complaining can really wreck a relationship and kill the intimacy! Somehow it can be really hard to be in love with someone who is always talking negative stuff.

    I think that when you get into a long term relationship while your lives really do intertwine and so on, you still have to remember who you are. You still have to remember that its up to YOU to make yourself happy and not your partners job.

    So Laura by writing that email, i think its great, because it maintains that level of independence while still being able to build a healthy relationship.

    N can i just say something a little off the topic. Just wanted to thank you guys for all your comments and for this blog. See how you guys back each other up and sharing your relationship with us, truly restores my faith in healthy long term relationships.

    I mean its so adorable that you guys even blog together! lol

    cheers

    Hot Alpha Female

    http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

  8. Hot Tamales Says:

    Kris’ Take: Hey there! I think the biggest issue people have is that they complain about something that can’t be changed. Discussing is one thing, but constantly complaining about it makes it tiresome and annoying. It goes back to the old addage of “No use in crying over spilt milk.”

    In regards to your other comment about us blogging, I make this comment just about everyday to Laura about how I really enjoy blogging with her. I think it’s a very healthy way for us to share our viw points with other people and one another! It allows us to learn new things about each other and find out what our exact stance on certain things are. So the blog is very theraputic for us.

    We spend a lot of time talking to one another and finding out what we can do to make things better for the other. It’s a cornerstone of a good relationship. People have a very “take me as I am” attitude, but I don’t think any relationship will work when you take two people as they are and stand them side by side. You make these little changes here and there and soon enough the two people are fitting together like pieces of a puzzle.

    I think too many relationships consist of two people standing next to one another, and people need to learn how to make those tiny changes to fit in place with one another. I think people are afraid to make those changes because they feel they’ll lose their identity. What they don’t realize is they don’t need to change their fundamental person, just certain things to better align with the person they love.

  9. Hot Alpha Female Says:

    Hey Kris,
    Well in regards to the first point you made about people complaining about issues that can’t be fixed. It reminded me of something I read in women are from mars and men are from Venus. When Dr John Gray talks about how both genders deal with their emotions. Anyways to cut a long story short, he explains that women, when they have a problem they need to talk it out and feel like they are really being heard by their partner. They do not want a solution, but by them venting their emotions, it’s actually one of the healthiest way in which we deal with stuff.

    So with this in mind, I think sometimes guys need to understand that they need to lend an ear at times. The good thing for them is that they don’t even need to come up with a solution. But by them understanding where we are coming from and willing to lend a ear … shows more than words that they really care about us.

    I think any problem with love .. It’s all about a lack of communication. Someone said something and therefore it means that he/she doesn’t care, doesn’t love me, doesn’t make me a priority in my life and the resentment and the arguments start.

    I reckon a majority of relationship could be healed if the two people within it started communicating in the same language!

    So by what you say about you and Laura blogging together, in a way I think it’s a vehicle in which you guys can talk about subjects with different points of view, but it really acts a way for you to communicate how you feel about each other and certain topics that are important to you.

    Like you said relationships are learning how to be more in alignment with each other. I definitely see where you are coming from when you say this. I think that relationships that are not growing are ultimately dying. Life is all about movement .. You can’t stand still and the same applies to relationships.

    Ultimately is you can establish constructive communication levels and really understand where the person is coming from and what you need to do to fill their needs and yours … your relationship will stand the test of time

    Hot Alpha Female

    http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

  10. Hot Tamales Says:

    Kris’ Take: I couldn’t have said it better myself. As for the just listening, I agree. But I also think men are similar in that they sometimes just need to vent without getting answers. That happend with me sometimes. I’ll just need to talk, and Laura always is willing to listen. And that’s why we e-mail each other too, so that we can vent, and the other can “listen” by reading.

  11. Hot Alpha Female Says:

    hahha yeh thats a new one .. that guys actually like to vent aswell! So because you are a guy, i just want some confirmation on the whole “going into the cave thing”. You know sometimes when you are trying to solve a problem or there is something on your mind, you need to not talk about it … but go away and think about it until you come up with a solution. Does this happen to you, or is this more of a man myth?

    Hot Alpha Female

    http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

  12. Hot Tamales Says:

    Kris’ Take: I never shut Laura out, I always allow her to know what’s going on in my head, but this isn’t a myth. Sometimes I will be really quiet for a while and try to figure answers out. But I still try to tell Laura what I’m thinking. So no it’s not a myth, but it isn’t what guys do (or at least me) 100% of the time.

  13. Mark Says:

    I love u site ,its really educative.


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