I think this all depends on the job you do as well and where in the world you live, as contracted minimum working hours do vary from place to place? Though I have to agree I have notice an upturn in the expectations placed on employees over the last ten years, what with all the down-sizing that has happened in many sectors (particularly IT) – the job you do today was the job of three or four people way back when! This change in roles has had it’s effect on the home life for sure….and is a large chunk of what I attribute to my current singleness….that and the fact I’m just too ‘nice’ to attract the opposite sex…meh oh well =P
work in a small family professional business where the husband & wife work together & i know that the husband is having an affair with one employee & what is sad is that the wife seems clueless , she jokes with the mistress like they are friends!, when the couple are together ,the mistress often joins in & jokes with them , god its so sad that the couple have a family with small kids & its true the guy stays at work till late everyday , i would guess the wife is dumb because she does not even suspect ,its sad.
I’m a work wife. Unless you’ve actually been in one of these relationships, it may be hard to understand. Its not that my work husband loves his wife and family any less, he doens’t. He’s an extremely devoted family man, who unfortunately, works long hours so he can afford for his wife to stay at home and raise his 2 kids.
He and I became friends while his department supported mine, and a friendship developed over common ground. We knew what the other was going through, the work politics, and all the other work stuff that stressed us out on a daily basis that unfortunately, were he to go home and spill it all out to his wife, she wouldn’t understand, and probably wouldn’t care less.
In a way, its good that he gets it all out with me, because when he goes home, his family is his focus. Sure, on occasion we both complain about relationships, and vent our frustrations in a “Why do men/women do that?!” kind of way, and there are occasional text messages as in “travel channel- japan special” because we know where the other dreams of going.
But in the grand scheme of things, this is harmless. Really.
I don’t agree that it’s harmless. My husband’s work wife wants more from him. She’s not that attractive and I am, but their emotional closeness drew us apart. He defended her…ALWAYS. She was / is a bitch to me. He says I’m over-reacting. It’s not enough that he isn’t attracted to her. He shares his soul with her and has nothing left for me except for sex.
I’ve always had healthy friendships with men, and it doesn’t threaten my marriage. My husband is completely aware of my “work husband”. They’ve met each other and seem to like each other just fine. Unfortunately, my work husband’s real life wife is a different story. She’s jealous of our friendship and THINKS I want more, but I don’t. I’m not intentionally causing difficulties between them, but I don’t want to lose my friend, plain and simple. We were close friends since well before they were married.
People really need to lighten up and learn to trust who they’re with. If you can’t trust your partner, you’re the one with the problem.
If you have a true REASON to suspect your partner (i.e. you caught them doing something, your husband is gone much later and more frequently than he should be), then fine. But if you think the fact that he has a close friendship with a woman is reason enough to be suspicious, then you need to work on trust issues.
notdownwithit, I’m curious as to how you treat your husband’s friend. I tried multiple times to be nice to my work husband’s wife, but she always acts like a bitch to me. So now I act like a bitch right back.
I just found out today that my wife has a work husband and the whole nursing floor knows about it. My wife has never mentioned him. She has been increasingly moody, has lost weight, now wears makeup, talks online for hours a day, goes out to bars/clubs now – she never did before. She is never intimate and doesn’t tell me she loves me anymore – I think our relationship is toast
seattle….I guessing that your wife is cheating on you? From the looks of it…I seems like she’s trying to impress someone. Who knows it might not her work husband..He might know who it might be though cause I bet you..she tells him everything.
Here’s a follow-up from my May 9th post – I came home today at lunch to surprise my wife and she was cuddling up with her work husband on the couch with the lights off. I’m not the one to be telling that a work husband is harmless.
take care – i hope this doesn’t happen to anyone else
[…] CareerBuilder.com defines a work spouse as “a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship” (If you’re wondering whether you’ve got a work spouse, you can ask yourself these seven questions). Their post points out that the relationship can mirror a real-life marriage in many ways, and that’s the danger for many people, I suppose; there’s a line that you can’t cross with your work spouse, lest the relationship change from one of emotional support to one of emotional dependency. And the work-spouse relationship has been blamed for plenty of real-life spousal distress. […]
My husband and I are in therapy over his “work wife”. I feel she wants more because of how she behaves around him when I’m around. She also goes out of her way to be rude to me. I went to visit him on a business trip where she was also attending and they had a rental car…my husband went to pick up the car as we waited at the hotel and when he arrived she opened the back door for me and proceeded to sit in the front seat. My husband didn’t realize she initiated this and later asked me why I sat in the back seat when I told him he just laughed and said, she takes her role as work wife a little too serious. I lost it on him and let him know that her behavior was indicative of something else. He thought I was overreacting and that they were “just friends”….I did some snooping and found an email she sent him while on vacation with her family and signed off with “miss you”…..we are now in counseling. he swears he doesn’t have feelings for her and hasn’t been unfaithful. It will take time to get over this. Marriage counselor said that I shouldn’t tolerate her behavior and should stand up to her and let her know how I feel.
Those who don’t see where these relationahips are headed are simply naive or selfish. Even if you never cross that arbitrary line you’ve drawn regarding sex – it is still an affair. When you consistently give the best and most vibrant part of who you are (interest and attention) to someone other than your spouse you’re marriage will wither just like an untended and unwatered flower. How many times do you hear divorced couples describe their issue as having “grown apart?” What’s “growing” is the extent to which these relationships train people to appreciate anyone and everything EXCEPT their spouse. It can take years – but work spouse realtionships generally end up a major problem in any marriage.
Neve a good idea to get “that” close to anyone other than your spouse. There is no excuse to get that emotionally close to a person of the same sex. Way to easy to cross the line, and believe me it happens every day…
Totally agree with the last two statements. If you are that close to a member of the opposite sex even if it just a “work” relationship, you end up sharing things with that person you otherwise would share with your partner at home. I think there are exceptions just like with everything in life but for the most part it is not going to end well. I was involved in a “work wife” relationship for five years and it still goes on even though he has moved to another job. I am now divorced and came close to an estrangement with my teenage daughter. My advice is not to take this kind of relationship lightly. It can have a huge impact on your marriage, family and life in general.
I dont know i may be in the wrong place to put this out there, but I am so flustered I am ready to pop. Me and my wife own a business and she wouldent stop untill she was working for me. When the economy turned bad our business was about bankrupt. with hard work and much patience we have got it partially turned around. Here is the problem when things were bad my wife took a job 2nd shift she works for us mon thru fri 8 till 3. then on tues thru sat she goes into her second job from 4 till 12 30 . This has been going on now for about three years. things between us keep getting worse and worse. wh have no tim whatsoever to be together. as when she dont work night at her other job she is working at our office untill 11 30 sometimes even up till 2in the morning. I really dont feel she is running around on me however i may be suprised but our sex life is practically dead. we had sex the other night and it was so bad for me i coundent hold myself and i dont ever do that i felt awfull. now we wont have sex again for i dont kno how long. I get flustered she will start rubbing all over me and get me turned on and then she falls asleep. I ask her tio take off so we can spend time together nothing doing. I need some advice i do not know how much longer i am going to be able to stay faithfull its so hard need help in ky